As a child many of my worthless toys got Broken, lost, and sometimes stolen After kicking and screaming into my mothers arms Almost begging for a second chance, She would smile and gladly replace them Now that I am older, I’ve had my heart broken, Maybe lost, but more than likely stolen but When I ran into my mothers arms Kicking and screaming, and hardly breathing, Demanding a second chance She held my grown body and cried Knowing that of all things she had replaced in my youth My heart would be the most valuable item I will ever lose Today, I try to avoid anything that can break Because it’s the irreplaceable things That leaves you feeling empty.
I found a blank page in my notebook. I didn’t think I would. It seemed as though my words had leaked through each line; making it impossible to inscribe anymore love tributes. My notebooks heart seemed broken with all these melancholy words filling its blank spaces. Filling the gaps with rivers of tears but I happened to flip through one daring page, strong enough to hold my pens burdens. A full page ready to be devoured by heartbroken ink, I could feel the paper wince at the click of my wrists ready to spill all my sadness into its lips.
But instead of drowning this lonely page with poetic love woes, I will embroider these spaces with charming words that blossom from the seeds of my lovers smile. I will make the words dance in celebration of everlasting romance, because I’ve had enough with heartbreak and I’ve shed enough tears. I think this page deserves some happiness. Maybe even laughter if I can come up with the energy to engrave it because my heart is spinning out of control. Running wildly free, clinging to my loves thoughts and promising to never look back. On this page all the suffering no longer leaks through and the pain has been subdued. I do not wish to erase those memories though; those wounds are beginning to slowly heal. But still - I am entirely grateful that you can’t erase permanence.
We begin to write sonnets. Recite Langston’s verses first then Fall asleep under the eye’s of Nefertiti Call all soldiers, I want World war one to erupt in my Diaphragm; ignite the French revolution And shout c’est la vie down la rue! Place abstract kisses down my back Until Picasso’s paintings are subdued In a sentimental mood as Coltrane Croons sweet tunes to a sun kissed moon. Untangle the webbed memories that Are buried deep in my past’s shoes Let’s walk hand in hand along the Nile Paint dimples onto Mona Lisa’s smile All the while catching shooting stars And placing them in piles to lie on as pillows Emit light with your eyes and watch as the Green glowbellows through our love song As it plays low and your heart beat flows Through mine, losing track of time on purpose It always seems to stop when I find your lip’s surface Promises inscribed on small papers and sent in coke bottles Send balloons over the Atlantic with your name Mottled with water color; you are a brilliant blank canvas That even Van Gogh could not master Let’s plaster our fingerprints upon Alabaster sculptures in Egypt We can write our sonnets there in lovely script We could skip through barren cities and Cry with the lost souls drowning in pity Secretly smiling inside knowing Your name is tagged on my heart like Brooklyn graffiti I know that I’ve let your love run freely and And though I miss you dearly.. I feel as though we’ve just begun healing, But it still aches knowing you are no where near me You don’t have to forgive me, but take my hand And promise you’ll never leave me, wrap my Heart in our history and carry on complete. I know somehow we can do this.. Just love me modestly and we can pick up Where we left off on this twisted odyssey. love. tianamonique. &+ I wont say but you know I do. And it's whats killing me.
oh and... here's like a two second singing vid. I was in the mood so here it is. its uber short I know. Sue me.
Dear god, even if you are nothing, Hold me close tonight. Keep my hands warm in the pockets Of your embrace Kiss me lightly Kiss me like fools do in love Take my soul the way the Bible says you should Leak prayers into me The ones I’ve been to afraid To say myself You know them I have not asked you for much Maybe out of ignorance But I need something to believe in So I am calling on you, Even if you are nothing, Because I have to worked my heart To hard and my eyes have splinters My hands are heavy and my shoulders Carry question marks with baggage And I know there are those who Have a greater belief that you can see through.. But whether you're Buddah, God, Or Allah, I need you. And I will wait for eternity for your thread and needle To sew me back together because this pain is lethal. Purify my senses; bring me to the masses I've been wounded; but I've done unexcuseable damage Too much that my soul can't manage Im all out of options; save me; I'm patient. Selah; Om; Amen.
Last picture post but omgg I love em =] i've come to a point where im beginning to realize who and what is important and whats not. And these femmys [and camy duh] are the realness! Sooo.. that's basically it. Adios =]
I always watched him in amazement. Knowing his bulletproof eyes could possibly fill the empty spaces past lovers left behind. I waited impatiently to feel his silk skin say he loved me. I needed to hear him say it; even if it was untrue. I needed to hear that he needed me. Because evenings alone cast dark spells that green crescent moons always brightened so I hung on the side of his eyes letting his eyelashes sweep the doubt from my cheeks. I did not need him to convince me of my beauty but I was desperate to latch onto the words. Eager to let him half way into the past I had purposely shielded. He would often turn down the music so I could listen to his heartbeat. I longed for the drumbeat until he reassured me they were of the same melody. I never asked to be filled; but he spilled his lyrics into me anyways. Hardly leaving cracks in between my failed attempts to tell him to rewind because those words left bruises where scars had already claimed residency. I knew in the morning I would regret not pushing away his heavenly scent; but I could not fathom waking up alone knowing there was once a second presence in my lonely bed. He brought beauty with his strides and I suddenly felt blossomed. Like peace had finally found the trail back to my fingertips. Until he began to withdraw; taking my thoughts along with him. Others would scold me for letting such a decent man leave so suddenly. Family began to notice his bleek absence. Asking questions as to why he left leaving me with no explanation except I was blind and they would nod their heads in agreement. But they do not know that he could never leave me. His fingerprints are molded onto my cheekbones and his memory is tattooed on my lips. They do not know that his presence still lingers and I am often ill because of it. Without fail he always returns and says that I am beautiful. And I pretend not to cling onto those words, knowing the exact number of hours that had passed and still my name was never raised. Knowing that I had spent countless minutes enduring the separation that painfully caused conflict between my desperation to be loved and my common sense. He compares me to sweet mangoes and claims they are beautiful too, but could never surpass mine. He compares me to warm rose pedalsand rainfall, and says they are beautiful but could never surpass mine. He says that silence and doves are beautiful too, but they could never surpass mine. He says she is beautiful; but her beauty could never surpass mine. He kisses me and then leaves [again]. I am grown and breathing but the child inside of me does not feel beautiful. Love. Tianamonique.
"She standing by a broken tree has her arms twisted she pointing at me I was damned by the light coming over as she spoke with a voice that disrupted the sky She said hold on lover yeah dont be ashamed I will wrap you in my arms and know you'll be safe let me sign, let me sign" -- Robert Pattinson [Let Me Sign].
