Love Affair With Words.

MIYM #25 ?

2012-01-27T11:11:00.000-08:00

I guess you can have your ring back now.

It doesn't mean anything anymore.

I've spent the last five years

Staring at the promises you never kept

When you gave it to me

The future was brighter than

The middle diamond

You promised.

But I know now that promises are broken.

And hearts are never healed.

And time doesn't do shit but make it last longer.

So take your ring back.

Let the weight fall on your palms

The ones you used to cup

My face with when we kissed

That ring will not be missed, I swear.

So take it back.

Your love is no longer needed.

Love, Tianamonique

When The Beginning Ends .

2011-10-12T22:48:00.000-07:00

Its like..

All I want to do is fall asleep

Like I used to.

When the sound of your breath

Hitting the back of my neck used to

Hum me into the sweetest of dreams

And I just want to wake up

Like I used to.

With the morning sun

Hitting the top of your eyelids

Creating shadows of your eyelashes

Onto my cheeks.

And I want to walk like I used to.

When I proudly strolled next to your

Brilliance

Lucky to even to be in your presence.

I want to sing like I used to.

But somehow you stole my voice.

Or maybe it just disappeared after you left.

Or maybe it's still here, I just haven't realized it yet.

I don't know.

And that scares me.

Afraid of forever being lost in this state of not knowing

Maybe i'm not even lost..

Maybe I just haven't been found.

Its like..

I'm trying to forget everything.

But remembering nothing.

And feeling something that I used to know

But anything numb's me.

So I intoxicate the veins

And poison the brains

And kill the pains.

Because falling out of love is insane.

And I blame

You.

It's like…

I'm holding hands with yesterday

Trying to pretend like it's beautiful.

Closing my eyes and seeing all

The good scene's play and skipping all the

Part's where we slammed doors,

And killed each other's souls

You remember .

The way the lies crept

Underneath carpets

Into the bedsheets

Where we sinned night after night

Serpents with bright red apples

We ate them without shame

I blame you.

For everything.

And sometimes I feel bad about it

But it's like…

My heart breaks everyday.

And I'm running out of pieces to give away.

August Confession.

2011-08-31T14:05:00.000-07:00

To be honest; I never needed the sun.
It was you I was running away from.
And throughout this journey,
I've found myself.
And I am no longer afraid of the dark.
For that, I thank you.

Love, Tianamonique.

July Verdict .

2011-07-31T20:51:00.000-07:00

I don't blame you, you know.

If I were you, I wouldn't love me too.

I'm complex and melancholy

And sometimes my heart travels

Faster than my mind

So i'm usually out of breath

For trying to catch up with lost time

Always blind,

Bumping into memories

I tried to leave behind

But you always remind me

Why I can't forget.

I always let you and your sweet smile

Invade the secrets

I was trying to keep to myself

You always did have a way

Of making transparency seem effortless.

And I don't blame you for not

Liking what you see.

My insides are probably

Ugly and scream with twisted

Theories and dark dreams

Sun beams are buried in yesterday's

Summer breeze.

Now everything is frozen over.

But it still feels familiar

The walls collapsing.

The tornadoes swirling.

The heart race climbing.

Yeah, I've been here before.

It's like a dream revisited

Except this time,

There are no good mornings

And no laughter.

I though that in coming back,

I'd find you.

With your crooked smile

And your pretty hands

Ready to dance in our memories

Ready to tell me the secrets

You've kept since you've been away,

But instead

I was greeted by misery's silent smirk

Dodging the harsh blows of fists,

There was noise,

But there was no music.

Did we lose it?

Our summer's always need too soon,

Those pretty June's and mindless July's

Memorized your smile and played it as

The soundtrack of our memories.

This may be the death of me,

Swimming to the deep end of thee

Unable to breathe, suffocating on tears

That your wrapped around my neck

But still I do no blame you, love.

And sometimes I even forgive you for

Stealing everything that was mine

All that time wasted pretending it wasn't you

When it always was

You stole my sun.

Every cursed name you called me,

and infectious touch you handed me,

And every lie you stranded me with.

You used words to hurt me,

And actions to give me validation.

The humiliation follows me in shadows.

Drowning in our story

We could've had happily ever after

If you would have just let me finish

Writing it.

Love, Tianamonique.

May Murderer.

2011-06-01T09:04:00.000-07:00

He was built for an evil mission.

I forgot to listen to my intuition,

Slowing letting my guard down

He became my addiction.

That silent assassin,

His presence was magic

And he intoxicated my lungs

With his sweet scent.

We spent

Hours joking about revolutions,

And singing wars into the night skies,

Interlocking stolen kisses and

Penning promises onto unworthy tongues.

I knew he was dangerous,

I loved anyways.

He was stitched with a

Different type of needle

He was supposed to take my heart

And shoot bullets unknown to the core

Instead he sent fireworks to my empty world.

Bursting into flames, my heart

Didn't have enough time to shied itself.

Now i'm dusting off the melancholy I placed

Upon the shelf.

Catching my breath, it's hard to inhale

Knowing my exhale was once consumed

By your sweet smile.

Because now where there was once sparks

There are skid marks of a train crash.

I'm stuck in rehab.

Trying to comprehend where we got lost.

I lost.

I surrendered.

White flagged up, reverting back to December.

My revolutions are turning against me.

I saw the sun beaming in his pocket.

I just wanted touch.

But I held on for too long, my fingers got burned.

He knew.

He knew how far I'd wandered,

How many hours i'd spent wondering

And searching for what was mine in the first place.

He knew how many tears i'd cried in the middle of the night.

He knew my secrets.

And spread them across the table in front of everyone

That evil assassin.

He never did love me.

Killing souls was his profession,

And he murdered mine with ease.

He was a murderer. A silent assassin as I like to call them.

Slithering his snake like tongue down my throat.

Making me choke on every poisonous lie he so easily dripped into me.

And to think, I wasted my breath asking him to love me.

Love, Tianamonique

*I meant to post this last night.. but I forgot. Sue me.

April PoeTree's.

2011-04-30T23:22:00.000-07:00

I've found inspiration in crazy places.
Tucked behind corners.
Fallen behind bed frames.
In between couch pillows.
It's all the same to me.
I remember sitting in my 7th grade algebra class
And writing my first poem.
Corny rhymes and short lines,
I needed a way to express the way I felt inside.
I found some in green eyed hues
A muse I held on to for many moons.
I created masterpieces with his prescense.
I wrote pages and pages,
Filling them to the brim with emerald metaphors.
He never did adore them, but nonetheless
They were his.
I found some in my great grandmother.
Though I did not know her well, we shared the same color.
And my favorite scent was her favorite flower.
I found some when I was fifteen.
Silly in love, he filled up my teenage woes
And my naive heartbreak tales all belong to his
Country accent.
I've spent hours scribbling silly words
and making nonsense out of nothing.
But these words are my very existence.
You can trace them down to my very core.
Follow the trail to my heart and you'll find,
Bishop, Dickenson, and Langston's smiles along the way.
I've found love in the stoke of pens hitting
Notebook pages.
Infatuated with similes and metaphors.
And it used to be a hobby; now it's a habit.
Writing down everything that my heart
Feels, and doesn't.
Sometimes they are drunken thoughts;
Most are sober dreams.
But it seems like my relationship with words
Is the only one that has ever lasted.
Love, and passion, and romance seem
To be to far from my reach.
But these words form on the tip of tongue,
Ready to be spit.
There is not room for love here.
Not in these notebooks.
Not in these thoughts.
And I am not sad, nor bitter
About the loss of will that I used to have for love,
For it has only grown my adoration for words even stronger.
Building this garden has not been easy,
But look how my tree's are growing.
The leaves are blooming beautifully,
And I am honored to call them mine.
Stemming from years of heartbreak,
They taught themselves how to grow in the dark.
Yes, even in my darkness days,
My beautiful words were strong.
They held on, even when I couldn't.
And look, as the sun makes is way back,
They are not phased.
And they remind me everyday, that even in
Those places of loneliness, and
Heartache, and neglect, and carelessness,
They will always remain true and faithful.
And I thank you.
I thank the inspiration i've received to make
These words believe in me.
And all I hope, is that I continue growing
Along with these poetrees.

Love, Tianamonique.

March Ingon.

2011-03-31T20:59:00.000-07:00

I'm a soldier.

Salute me or get murdered.

Never cross enemies lines

Is what I told her .

Respect my queendom

If you want to keep your freedom,

I have this feeling of

Authority and i'm not sure where it came from,

But I feel obliged to keep

My heart in tact; beware of attack.

Thoughts hijacked by mistaken allies.

Forsaken lies; I will not compromise.

I see the boys and I hear the cries

They try too hard to hide.

But I told you.

I'm no longer your prisoner.

I'm the commander.

You demanded her; A battle I let myself lose.

But you lost when I let you choose.

Sing me your blues as I fall asleep

Next to someone new.

I've been waiting for the day for you to realize

The magnitude of what you put me through.

But it's time to move.

Running through the cluster of

Broken promises, and swallowing words that are stained

On the back of my throat.

I understand now that there was no remedy to be found,

Loving myself was the only antidote,

I coped well; considering all the lies these silent

Assassins tell.

Told and sold dreams with unraveling seams.

It's never as seems so be careful what it is you believe.

Fairy tales are fake stories, but I'm making real

Happily ever afters.

Capturing my laughter and bottling my smile

All the while fighting the demons that

Take over my silent nights, but this is a fight

I will not lose.

No more melancholy hues will linger around these walls.

Standing tall; suited up.

Shoe's shined and ready to regulate on those

Who hate.

Silencing the debate on whether not I'll make it.

Breaking through the curses,

I heard them.

They were whispers, but they crept

Up my neck and I could feel the chill

In their voices.

They used to speak so coldly.

I remember feeling so frozen from the harsh

Words of their winter tongues, but i've hung

Those up to dry in my spring like gardens.

What you think is hardly true, love.

I used to live freely, without rules, love.

Until you started creating them, impossible to

Oblige to.

I tried to; you watched me.

I failed you and i'm sorry.

But now i'm sergeant.

Taking commands from no man.

Forgetting the plots and the remedies

Taking shots at the enemies.

From now on, i'm defending me.

Never surrendering my heart

For someone who will ignore it.

No more white flags, this is war.

And i'm ready.

With my scars drawn and

My wounds open.

This is not my first battle, nor will it be my last.

But I have an army behind me.

The sunken soldiers, the beaten

Prisoners, the wounded souls,

The bloodied victims.

Here we come, murdering those

In our way of the sun.

I've had enough.

I'm tough, but this road has been rough.

And I deserve honors and medals.

So ad ease, soldier.

I'll do this with ease, soldier.

Watch me do as I please, soldier.

And maybe one day you'll become an ally,

Till then, let the battles rise.

Love, Tiana Monique

February Celebration .

2011-02-28T10:55:00.000-08:00

They said they would let me go for good behavior.

Said I've endured the worst and it was almost over.

So I got to inhale sweet breezes.

And break through the stone my cheeks were in and

Form a somewhat decent smile.

I was free.

They untied me.

And I thought I deserved it.

Deserved star lit skies, and

Sun beamed mornings and nights filled with gold.

I deserved ruby slippers and yellow brick roads.

I put on my pretty dress, slid the straps

Over my heavy shoulders.

I painted my nails.

A pretty lilac color.

Reminded me of Minnesota summers

And my great grandmother.

I applied my makeup, slowly.

Filling in every line.

I was a queen.

Crowned myself with good intentions

And I overruled their evil one's.

I screamed in the happiest voice I've ever known.

Released the linked chains they

Kept on my ankles.

I was no longer their prisoner

And it was a celebration.

I placed pretty curls in my hair

And let the wind blow through the strands

Untied my hands and bent my fingers,

Dusted the dirt off my palms with a smile

They told me I was beautiful.

This coming from those who had made

Me feel internally ugly for months.

This coming from men who forgot our history.

This coming from women who once

Despised my name.

This coming from the one's I blamed

For my misfortune.

I've been trapped inside my own head.

The tears were bled;

Red and cold; I had become only skin and bone.

But now, there is a familiar warmth

A reminiscent glow from a place

I place I thought had disappeared.

The fear they placed in my eyes

Will never fade,

And neither will the scars that they placed on name

But it would be a shame to waste a day

Thinking I didn't deserve a say in my own happiness.

So i'm writing my own fairytale.

Creating my own happily ever after

Instead of chasing men that will end in disaster .

All of these inconsistent happinesses

Broken promises

I've heard a lot of this

The darkness is only what the light looks like

When it's sleeping.

But it's my turn to wake up.

These sleeping eyelids are heavy

But i'm ready and willing

To be happy.

There are things people have taken from me.

Emotions, and memories combined.

But I have never been left empty handed.

What they think they have taken from me

Is only a small fragment of what I've stolen from them.

And it may take a while until they realize

What is really missing; and it won't be me,

It will be their common sense.

For thinking they could keep in cages,

The thought enrages me

I'm now living dangerously.

Taking chances and forgetting about the past

It's a beautiful moment to see.

You could have loved me.

But you chose not to, and that is okay.

Because although your rejection was brutal

I know it wasn't truthful.

Lying to yourself to make you believe you don't need me.

And I hope for your sake you do not,

Because i'm leaving.

After months of putting myself through hell,

And being locked in that horrible darkness,

The sun is slowly making it's way back to me.

I'm putting my melancholy mask on the shelf.

And for the first time in my life, i'd like to make a toast

To my damn self.

CHEERS !

Love, Tianamonique.

January Whatever.

2011-01-31T23:06:00.000-08:00

II guess they call this a new beginning.

And I guess I'm supposed to dry my tears

With last years handkerchief, throw it away

And pretend like the bruises on my heart

Don't exist and that the evil words that were spoken

Aren't still rotting in my minds closet.

Pretend like i'm not exhausted from running around

Stereotypes, and expectations, and love affairs,

This is unfair.

With the truth comes despair,

And i'm living in a constant state of misery.

It's filling me to the brim; even though the light is dim,

I can still feel him.

Breathing poison down my throat as he fucks and chokes.

Trying to cover up sins with jokes, blowing smoke to fog my vision.

It used to be so clear.

[I feel like i'm just rewriting the same thing

With new words and it's becoming redundant.]

I guess I was supposed to write something

That blossomed.

I suppose it would be nice to read something

Less dark.

Less dramatic.

Maybe some romantic shit.

Spit something light so your conscience

Doesn't ache when you read these lines.

I'm fine; I just have wounds that haven't been addressed yet.

Do you know what it's like

To have your scars on display?

I guess they say its pathetic and not poetic.

And I guess being yourself isn't what they're looking for.

And I guess that when you try to argue

Your way out of the truth then you're just a lie.

And why is that every time I try and convince myself

That this is how it's supposed to be, I cry.

I always wonder how many times you can die.

I guess heaven is supposed to be where it ends,

And I guess being a saint ain't as easy as the bible said,

So HELLo to lucifer, and the goblins, and walking dead.

Words are poisonous.

And they will eat away at your memories until

They are engraved into your skin.

Because they don't ever want you to forget.

So they leave reminders.

The shadows that we call love never fade.

You're never quite the same after you've

Experienced high volumes of pain.

So blame the boys with the pretty eyes,

And the ones with the cool disguise.

Blame the pretty girls who make funny faces

And blame the crazy chicks with tattoos; the nut cases.

Blame the photo's and memories.

Blame the rebirth and the remedies.

Blame music and the quotes.

Blame the self medications and home grown antidotes.

Because I said this was for the beginning.

But it's not.

It's just the same thing.

The same poem.

The same words.

And the same damn darkness i've been living in.

Breathing the love I guess I never earned.

I'm starting to doubt whether or not the sun was stolen from me,

Or maybe it just walked away.

Time is supposed to heal all wounds

And I'm becoming impatient.

I'm not saying my smile is fake

But these frowns have never faded.

These jaded thoughts are taking over

And love just isn't the same.

And where did the passion go?

Sometimes I feel like I don't want to be touched.

I feel violated by hugs and kisses, because i've witnessed

The ugliest relationships by touching.

Fucking is just rape with class.

Sex is shit to do to make time pass.

And making love is a thing of the past.

Because love never lasts.

Never will; never has.

Love, Tianamonique

December Revolutions.

2010-12-31T22:18:00.000-08:00

Like snowflakes on the tips of outstretched tongues,

My past memories are disolving

Resolving resolutions; revolving revolutions.

This is how the beginning tastes.

Dance with open thoughts

And dream with doors unlocked.

We are the fearless.

And we're creating worlds with our words,

Painting universes with our verses.

Reversing the curses.

We're writing it in bloody cursive.

We're typing away the scars and erasing the pencil marks,

Bleeding away the broken hearts.

This is the start of something beautiful.

All this gorgeous ugliness blinded by ignorance.

We are the limitless.

They could have never written this.

Bliss enlaced with twisted minds;

There was never enough time to say hello

So we said goodbye and let our souls die.

Blind and deaf; our senses were out of tune.

Immune to cold nights, missing the chills that

Went up hopeful spines.

We discovered realms unknown.

We hold the dreams that deferred in Langston's poem.

Blown by winds that hummed us to sleep

During the nights when the wars kept our heads

Spinning like the worlds axis.

Taking the time off to sit and relax

It's important to understand our purpose.

We did not resurrect to conspire;

We're here to inspire.

Build pathways to minds that have seemed to retire.

Tired of the mainstreams; we're creating oceans to

Open dreams.

We're here to sew back the ripped seams

No more sympathy for those who play innocent like symphonies.

We are the epiphanies of your broken records.

And we stopped listening to your sad songs when

You got our characters all wrong.

We're the strong and the weak.

We're arteests

Speak new languages that we earned painfully.

We hold keys.

And you would not imagine the magic our

Pen's have.

This is the revenge of poetry.

And we're coming with pages filled

With melancholy ink.

This is what we have always wished to be.

Spilling pennies into waterfalls.

These childhood memories are

Beginning to fall.

Calling all poets; we will survive.

And will not compromise with the illiterate.

This is for the musicians. And the struggle.

This is for Lauryn Hill, and the rebirth of souls.

This is for tears never mentioned

This is for the overlooked and the taken advange of.

This is the virgins who's blood has been shunned

By men who thought sex was fun.

This is for the beginning.

And we are standing with our arms in the air

And our fists clenched.

We are the believers.

And even if the sun never shines again,

We know this is not the end.

This is for the beginning.

Because every war has a victory

And we are the epitome of a lesson learned.

And we have earned every single scar

We've ever written about.

We are not just crying.

We are spilling our souls because we know

Someone out there is listening.

And please understand that we hear you.

This is for Ashton.

The pure soul with wounds that have never recognized.

I will wrap my words around yours and we

Will change history.

This is poetry in it's purest form.

Sworn to secrecy; i'm spilling all my ingredients into your lap.

This is for those who's voices have been choked

By hands who provoked love but never showed love.

This is for the dirty and pure.

The confident and unsure.

We will soar.

Past the imperfections, past the accusations, past the mistakes and we

Will fly.

Love, Tianamonique.

November Rebirth.

2010-11-29T23:01:00.000-08:00

My wings are growing back from being clipped.

My heart is rich and full of summer.

There are roses all over this place.

I'm finding that even in this cold space

And heartless world, there are still

Beings that make me believe in the seasons.

Makes me believe that change is not far from reason.

I was bleeding for so long but the wounds

Are not as apparent as they used to be.

I told you I would grow and this garden is blooming.

They doomed me.

And they cursed me with crosses wrapped

Around their neck's.

Pretending to be religious.

I was the prey.

And I lifted hands to sing them hymns

Only to be filled with sin.

They forgot how to pray.

This is where the resurrection inside of me took place.

I chanted prayers into myself begging a God to take me away.

And I know they feel the plague now.

They stole the sun from me, and they can't see the light of day now.

I hope my name whispers in the winter winds.

These days are lighter and I can feel

Sunshine in my skin.

I can taste summer's scent again.

And here it goes.

I'm running back to the the mouth of the ocean.

Heading towards the start.

I'm advancing to go.

Always shielding my heart, but open to fill it with

Autumns and springs.

There are things my psalms were holding onto.

Memories and venomous secrets

I always hid them well.

And only time will tell, if they were worth it.

I can't recite you any bible verses,

I don't attend any church,

And on Sunday's, I try not to curse.

But shit, sometimes my heart hurts.

And I can't tell you if God is a man or woman,

But I can tell you he or she exists in me.

And I was reborn because of the fear that they don't.

I reverted back to my methodist baptism.

Closed my eyes and felt purified.

This isn't religious, this is spirtitual.

You won't find any written rituals on these walls.

Tear them down and you'll see tears

Of unheard prayers and sinful years.

They called me a martyr.

Because I refused to beg for forgiveness; I was slaughtered.

I was running away from the fragrant memories of

Bloodied wrists and toxic kisses.

The hisses of yesterday's repent hung heavy

Around my fingertips;

Pushing it's winds in my clenched fists.

I'm fighting for myself even if that mean I have to reminisce.

It's creating a war.

Between my past and my sanity.

Insatiably melancholy; I was never the gospel type.

But these days my laughter is filling with church bells

And I'm remembering how to sing.

This is more than medallions enlaced with jesus' face

And this is more than rosaries as fashion emblems.

And this is more than tattooed ohm symbols.

This is the beginning.

And a journey of finding a self love that was locked

Away for a love scathed.

These bruises will fade I know, and

The rebirth of my soul will be biblical.

I move in yellow movements, no longer living indigo.

Those criminals are evil.

Sneaking fruit from forbidden tree's, still thinking they're holy,

So many adam's and eve's; these thieves may be the death of me.

Moving through streams of expectations and

Blind hallucinations,

Drinking wine and bread; forgetting what the pastor said.

Creating sin's in unwedded beds.

Isn't this what satan fed?

Feeling like i'm getting lost in a bible verse I once read.

All of these holy ghosts are following me and living in my head.

Tried to stay pure; sinned some more instead.

But i'm getting older now.

And it's amazing how far i've come from

Youthful insecurities, and chasing lovesick remedies,

I should have know then someone higher was defending me.

This is about believing in something, everyday.

And there is a power in me that I've missed.

I'm alive because Buddha, Allah, and Jesus exist.

I know i'm breathing for a reason,

How dare you call me atheist.

Amen.

Love, Tianamonique.

October Remedy.

2010-10-23T10:31:00.000-07:00

Feeling a little less than empty

My heart is a catastrophe

Written in bloody ink.

And my words are heavy.

So if you don't mind the weight

Please continue reading,

If not, you won't find any apologies.

All i've ever wanted was validation.

That all this humiliation wasn't being wasted.

I'm getting lost in the basis of eternity,

Spilling my soul to make heartsick remedies.

You're killing me, internally.

And this is a love thing.

Sunken cheeks and distant eyes;

The result of being shunned and embarrassed of.

The fact that I wasn't good enough.

Too many questions unanswered.

The why's and why not's never faded

Untying the knots my heart strings created.

I need a change of scenery.

I need a change a pace.

Tired of these familiar places

I've been rearranged and no one has been able

To recognize my face

Or maybe it's them who have become the strangers.

All I know is that i've stepped out of my element,

My zodiac, my morals

To make other's feel comfortable.

And where does that leave me?

On a bridge ready to become a tom petty song.

You're trying to do right but you're already wrong.

You left me alone for to long with thoughts

That my heart wasn't strong enough to decipher.

The old me has died, you will never find her.

I've become the story you never want to tell.

I'm the shadow's, i'm a detailed farewell.

You'll see me in seasons.

You'll remember as a time of the day.

My smile lingers somewhere in a previous decade.

My spirit lays somewhere in an ex lover's bed.

I was massacred.

I was an experiment.

I was the lesson of what not to be.

And i've been taught many times, to women

Who now stand where I was next to men

Who were suppose to love me.

They shoved me into closets webbed with

Promises that were haunting.

Suffocating in loneliness and regret.

Feeling a little less than worthless,

[Yes, these words have been said before]

I've been tainted and jaded.

Picking up old habits,

Blood on my hands it's

Becoming a problem.

I drew you a picture on my skin

Using your razor blade lies,

Your sharp edged eyes,

I drew the demise you so brutally devised.

I'll show you the scars, my love.

They are deep, and unpleasant.

And please don't take this metaphorically

When I say that i've been bleeding horribly.

I've torn through every inch of my skin

Hoping to find the cure.

The reason, that you refuse to love me anymore.

Your rejection is like getting my fingers

Jammed in a thousand doors.

"But I don't love you anymore, I'm so insecure, never knew that love did this"

Badu sings my soul, lost control of my heart.

Unscrewed the hinges and fell loose.

But, I refuse to let this become a catch 22.

You will not be the disease and the cure.

My heart was pure before it met yours.

Corrupted it with unlikely dreams that always left me unsure.

Unsecured and immature, I was blinded

By my thoughts of what it was, went is wasn't.

I was misguided and a little used, love is so deceiving and he was confused.

He was caught in that small space where he realized that

How much he loved me wasn't has much as his want to be free,

So I untied him.

I guess I had confined him.

But we weren't living in the same box

Mine was filled with happiness, he only saw his as locked.

It's still a mystery.

Now i'm a mistress to his/tory.

Because it seem's like everyone's moved on

Except and without me.

Caught up in miser

Love is killing me,

But this is not it for me

I'm pulling apart ever fiber,

Every molecule, every atom.

I'm sciencing my way back to normalcy.

Because these thieves are not sparing me any sanity.

I said I wanted clarity; they left me darkness.

How could I not be exhausted?

He speaks so coldly; i'm frostbit.

We lost it.

But still I'll blossom.

And although my branches have been bent,

And my leaves have been crumbled,

And my pedals have been picked,

The seed's continue to take root

And I hope someday it clicks.

I've been wounded,

And I'm on the path to finding remedies,

He won't be the end of me.

I am still growing.

Without the sun, and without love.

September Indigo.

2010-09-27T15:13:00.000-07:00

I'm living but I'm not alive.

Where's the sunshine?

Did the run rise?

I feel it in my thighs.

The burning sighs in

The hallows of my throat

The deadened silence

Of my poetry ridden notes

Always coped well with loneliness,

No surprise that i'm alone in this.

Writing to get rid of this.

I hear the lies they hiss,

Blaming me for the missing sun,

Look at what love's become.

A chase around moon's and

Nights filled with doom

Misused and cold

Shivering bones, frozen like stone

And I can play guilty for only so long.

Bliss is what I seek,

Uncertainty is what I find.

A kiss upon my cheek,

It wasn't real so never mind.

Love and reality never intertwined,

Vines of self hatred, and cursed manipulations,

Tattooed vibrations, rehearsed defamation.

It was a brutal assassination.

Slaughtered dreams with no investigation.

You are the thieves; not me.

Stealing sunshines, and moon beams,

Left in darkness to get lost in.

I'm being held hostage

And they call me anonymous.

They say i'm their enemy,

An unknown rival,

Now i'm fighting for survival

Praying for revival.

They say i'm guilty,

When all I did was love.

The weight of feeling

As insignificant as humanly

Possible is so heavy on my tongue

That i'm biting the inside

Of my cheeks just to keep from

Going numb.

I have a poem written in my veins

Screaming to be read,

Feigning to be bled.

The bruised words left unsaid

Remain in liquid form

Spilling onto transparent floors

Is my heart still beating?

I can't tell anymore.

Intoxicated thoughts

And mindless dreams

Floating through

Insatiable seams.

Sewing together

Blank tears and

Hoarse screams.

Inconsistent means never

Following through.

And i'm through.

With wishing things from you

And them, and her and he

And we will remain strangers

Until I find some familiarity.

They say they hate me.

But the ones hated are the most sacred

And almost always underestimated.

Count our scars and you'll have

Memorized the constellations,

We deserve stars.

I'm going through these phases

Making drastic changes

I'm learning how to save this.

Keep them in my archives,

To look back on when I forget

How to be alive.

When the seasons start feeling like suicides

And hello's feel like genocides

I've been kissing black roses

Exposing my heart

To thorns and love potions

Bled devine devotion

Insignificant emotions

Flooded oceans of

Crumbling tears.

It is here that I realize

How incredibly beautiful lonesome can be.

Eyes swell like bee stings,

And mosquito bites,

And bruised lips.

But swelling is just a healing process.

A form of protection.

And i'm in need of body guards.

So my heart's building an army

Kill your sorry's; you're my quarry.

Murdering lies with no warning.

Because i'm tired of being disposable

People get close to you, then dispose of you,

What do you suppose I do?

I lust for some truth; some proof

That i'm not crazy.

That the sun was stolen from behind enemy lines.

They made me think that for one moment

I went that blind.

They thieved their way into making me

Believe that it was me.

My fault that my heart was shattered.

That my memories were fables

That the songs in my head

Were lies.

They made me suffer.

They told me I asked for this.

To live in darkness.

To be blind of reality.

And maybe that holds some truth

I may have said I wanted serenity

And quiet

And a little peace of mind.

I may have said that I was exhausted

From pretending to not be as broken as I am,

But never did I say it was okay for anyone

To steal my light.

To steal my fire.

They are liars.

Playing innocent because they don't know any better.

They twisted the story.

Became victims.

They said I was filthy.

Put me on trial.

They pleaded not guilty

So convincing, they played their roles well.

It's amazing the lies they so easily tell.

They won; succeeded in stealing the sun.

Now they think they shine so brightly.

Casting shade on my name.

They stole my warmth.

My heat.

Forgetting it was me who put out the rain

In the first place.

That it was me who broke open the clouds

In order for them to breathe.

I thought it was a dream,

But still I awoke cold and alone.

There are no happy endings to sad stories

And this scripture cried in me,

Left in a world of darkness,

This poem will die with me.

And it will be unremembered.

Like the last words of a forgotten soldier.

And while they beam,

And glow,

And smile with sunshine,

They'll know.

When they lay their heads at night

They too will cry and remember

That they used to love me.

Love, Tianamonique.

Storytellers.

2010-09-06T14:41:00.001-07:00

I could miss you in lifetimes.

Daydream in decades.

Love in seconds.

Your memory still haunts

Like childhood insecurities.

You are the scars on my wrists.

The blood in my veins

The insanity that keeps my thoughts sane.

Let me relive the stories

And tell them in my sleep

I could write them

Across your tongue

And pretend that

We never kept secrets

And pretend that we didn't lie.

I could travel back in time

And hug you stronger

Kiss you longer

We could revive these stories

They're as alive as we.

As along as we keep them breathing

We can still laugh

And dance

In the middle of rooms

For no reason

And we can love each other

For reasons unknown

And it wont matter

Or make a difference

Because it will be real

And we won't be afraid of being

Honest

And in love

Feed off of your brilliance

You are the inspiration

Behind everything

That i make

And i will honor your existence through poetry

And love you through words

Close my eyes

And imagine you

Standing there

In all of your beauty

Smiling

And touching my face

Like you used to

These stories will not fade

We made them ours

And will never be replaced.

You will be the story

I retell to myself

Recite it until i fall asleep

Rewrite it on blank pillows.

Find my way back to your memory

Like I never left.

Pass them down and let them

Make their own history.

Create oral traditions,

Maybe we could become

Classics.

Love has it written in your eyes

Sad to know that the words

That used to describe me and you

Are bruised.

Infused with lies and tall tales

That we told.

Sold millions of stories to each other,

And bought thousands more.

And now all I wish do is write you

Love letters, and

Happily ever afters,

And lyrics and

Poems.

And remember, that not all of the

Stories ended badly.

Bye You.

2010-08-29T17:21:00.000-07:00

We met in shallow waters.

Under silly circumstances.

Swimming was never an option,

But floating was effortless

In your rivers, and streams.

I drank from your thoughts

And lived off of the idea of love.

I jumped off diving boards to reach you.

Penetrating through currents

I knew my small frame could not handle

But your face

Always kept my heart at a steady pace

Lacing rocks with your smile,

Until you were a blur.

A melody that I held my breath for

You were the air that I always ran out of.

Gasping for a piece of sanity.

Raising my head above water

Only to find out that I

Was still drowning in your memory.

We hit rock bottom.

Plummeted to the deep end.

You never taught me how to swim.

I attempted but failed.

Sailed alone.

Cold, I shivered my way through love

Pretended you were the beach,

I dreamed of.

Palm trees and coconuts and open blue skies.

Seas painted with

Picassos's brush; The rush of waves

Against our skin.

I imagined sand between my fingers

And you holding shells up to my ears

Asking if I could hear the ocean yet.

I thought

That if we could just make it.

If we could surf the waves,

If we could survive the currents,

We would come out alive

And in love.

But instead; I bled.

And you were the shark.

And you bit me till I fell apart.

Nothing left but bruises and

Half a heart.

So i'm back at the start.

In these shallows waters.

Too afraid of the deep end;

Because I was never taught how to swim.

Catching my breath from the currents

That rocked me to sleep.

Here I am; heart locked

Sitting with my feet dangling from the dock.

Skimming emerald rocks,

Tears flooding as I watch

You fade away; because we got lost.

And Im on a mission to find me again,

So as we say farewell my friend.

I say hello to me at the bayou.

Love, Tianamonique.

Secrets.

2010-08-14T18:06:00.001-07:00

I've been holding secrets.

Placing them in boxes

And locking them with

Poison filled kisses.

Hiding from the truths

That my tongue shuns.

We speak, only through memory.

Stilled moments of

Yesterday's grin are dim,

But lively.

They sing with tomorrow's hope.

Tying my thoughts with rope

Stringing them together

Until they make sense.

I'm not looking for answers.

I'm just searching for progress.

Trying to untangle this mess.

Suppress these feelings of being useless.

Jumping through hoops of regret

Running on heated coals

Forgetting my mission,

Misplacing my goals.

Unfold my heart and you'll find

A beaten soul.

Misery loves company,

But I prefer to be alone.

So I build walls around

Secrets.

Chained emotions.

Prisoned tears that flow

From my heart's ocean.

Days run wild.

Moments move in slow motion.

Anything I thought I remembered,

I've forgotten.

But I find myself reliving moments

That make their way back

To my silent hours.

Moments of slow breathing.

And love dealings.

And scars healing.

I know they existed as much as

I know my heart's beating.

And I am tired of these ill feelings.

Creeping from the ceilings of

My past.

Casting shade on my reflection.

Causing me to avoid mirrors.

But I am ready to face myself now because

I know that love is not doomed forever.

And I know that life moves on.

And I know time is not promised.

And days are no guarantee.

I am washing away

These dark ashes from my palms

And folding them together to pray

Onto someone, anyone willing to listen.

I will not ask for a miracle.

But I will ask for forgiveness and wisdom.

I'm awake

Fully aware of my mistakes

Taking small steps back to happiness.

Taking back the pieces that

I naively gave away

Rearranging the puzzle.

Solving the riddle.

Find the missing key.

Untying the knots.

Exposing the thoughts

That i've held captive.

Letting them go and

Catching up to the life i've missed.

Avoiding those

With a vendetta against getting better.

Moving forward.

Pressing play.

Pausing only to catch my breath.

Remember love in it's purity.

Sing songs, and write poetry.

I will begin to live and I promise

There will be no more secrets.

Love, Tianamonique.

MIYM #22

2010-07-15T21:56:00.000-07:00

There was a once upon a time.

There was a prince charming.

There was a damsel in distress.

There was a villain.

There was magic.

There was a climax.

There was an ending.

We had all the contents.

But there was no fairy tale.

There was no moral to the story.

They don't tell us what happens

When happily ever after

Never comes.

Love, Tianamonique.

Nobody Is Bulletproof.

2010-07-03T00:07:00.000-07:00

We hide our scars to keep from looking weak.

Quickly stuff them in our pockets when we hear our names called.

Keep them in the closet when going out.

The ability to bleed is a curse, and when love comes around,

We hide them in our purse.

We are the wounded.

The ones with damages; with caution tape around our mouth's.

We are the fragile.

Shattered bones lined within burned notebook pages and

Memories stained with bloodied scars.
The cuts and the bruises that we don't allow to be shown because we are too embarrassed

To admit that we bled.

Piles of regrets have been pushed under the rug,
We walk by them with our eyes swelling; but they never notice.
They never see this.
They can never see the light dimming from our smiles.
Never take the time to realize they are the ones that made us this way.
Words spilling from venomous teeth,
Gripping onto the tip of my tongue,
Hanging by poisonous thread.
Eyes that tell a million lies.
Crying in the middle of the night.
Awakened by dreams that have turned into nightmares.
Bare skin cut to the core.
The pieces remain cold on the floor.

I thought by now these bullet holes would close.
But no.
They cease to heal; refusing to remove the burning feel.
I can't cry because the salty tears would trickle down my face and
Leak into the bullet wounds.

I'll scream out names that I know will never be heard.
I will scream in pain until I find a cure.
This frame has been unsecured for many moons.
I lose the battle with myself every time I say that I am ok.
That this is just a phase.
These are just moments.
Temporary lack of strength.
The words linger within every inhale and exhale I take.
And with every dying heartbeat; my rib cage is beginning to break.

Creating a war in my bed; fighting battles in my head

Me against everything I believed in; I have yet to win.

But this is not about love.

This is about being unloved.

And this is not about heartbreak.

This is about broken souls, broken promises, and broken faith.

And this is not about you.

This is about me.

This is about the unforgettable and the unforgivable.

And this is not about hate.

This is about resent. This is about regret.

We are not victims. We are wounded.

We are the evidence that there are silent murders. Quiet assassins.

I will not blame. I will confess.

I am waiting for my bulletproof vest.

Waiting for the moment where I can walk these streets without taking bullets to my chest.

And I can, at last, put these tears to rest.

Love, Tianamonique.

MIYM #21

2010-05-13T18:12:00.000-07:00

You go around looking for similes that may spell your name.

You look to see if i've hidden your eyes within

Metaphoric meanings.

But my dear, stop searching.

For if it is about love, it is about you.

And that is how it has always been.

Love, Tianamonique.

Beautiful Feat. Jill Scott.

2010-05-02T13:01:00.000-07:00

You love me especially different.

Every time you keep me on my feet

Happily excited bout..

It was your voice that I fell in love with.

That first phone call made me sing notes that I didn't know I could reach.

It was like heaven saying hello.

It was like my body completely filled with your harmonic tongue

And I hung onto every word.

Swinging like church bells.

Yes, there was something biblical about

The way you pronounced my name.

As if it was made for your mouth.

As if it was a perfect fit.

As if it had never been said before.

I closed my eyes and pictured myself

Dancing alone with your voice,

Opened them and saw you..

And your cologne, your hands, your smile, your intelligence

Caught me off guard

Completely losing my balance

Falling into your smile

Amazed by how well your hands fit into mine

Getting lost in what blue and yellow had birthed in your eyes

It was lovely.

Your stole away every ex boyfriends name from my vocabulary

Just so I wouldn't compare them to you

Built bridges across your tongue

So every time we kissed it was like walking towards the sun

Bee's could not have stung me harder than your love did.

My love.

You woo me, Your court me, You tease me, You please me

You school me, Give me things to think about..

You were a compilation of composition books.

Rhymes entangled in a genius mind.

Musically inclined to the beat your heart chimed.

Perfectly undefined.

I had gotten to used to found, that I had forgotten what it felt like to find.

You were present tense

First person

Opening sentence

Thesis statement

Parentheses Love close parentheses

Quote I love you end quote

Citation you

Page us

Period.

Myriad times infinity could not equal my love for you.

Cruelly head over heels.

Madly infatuated

Intoxicatingly in love with every part of you

And everything I do not know I swear I will learn to love too..

Cuz you invite me, you cowrite me, you love me, you like me

For everything that I was and wasn't.

Flawlessly loved my flaws because you understood me.

Recognized my lyrics because they fit perfectly with your melody

We sang in perfect tune; harmonious kisses in June; in tune with your soul

I had no control over these feelings.

You filled me like a poem full of similes.

Silly of me to try to compare you because

You're such an incomparable thing.

Incite me to chorus...

Sing away my past because you are now.

And you are beautiful.

Like afros

Like hip hop

Like Billie Holiday

Like the middle of spring

Like Lauryn Hill

Like green eyes

Like palms

Like melancholy love songs

Like photography

Like poetry

Like art

You are beautiful like beauty never existed until you created it.

You are beautiful.

Love, Tianamonique

MIYM #20

2010-04-12T18:06:00.001-07:00

Roads end with signs that never make any sense. And green lights only make it harder to leave. So i am stuck in between stop and go. Left with these blank maps telling me to move. But I am so stuck in yesterday’s left that I’ve forgotten how to turn right in today. Fallen victim to misguided promises and melancholy love songs and the radio keeps playing those sad tunes that I used to hum to myself everytime you left. Mr. Right was never your forte anyways, and being in love was far too complicated for us to comprehend, so we pretended to know where we were going when really we were lost from the very beginning. I thought I left footprints so I could follow them back home, but every time I tried to trace them, they led me back to you. I have searched and searched, trying to find the signs. You were a right that went so wrong. This is a street that cannot be travelled alone. All that is left at the end is heartache and loneliness and I am done walking by myself. Words keep me company enough to fill the void your voice can no longer fill.

you left. so I write.

I Be Nine.

2010-03-29T13:59:00.001-07:00

Sandpaper Walls.

2010-03-20T12:14:00.000-07:00

I wish I could have built walls for you my dear.

You have become the victim of stricken winds

That refuse to understand your beauty.

You are that but a grain of sand

And he has always been your weakness.

You stray from the comfort of

Beaches to be blown away by

Winds that claim they will protect you.

But I watch as he picks you up and blows

You in whichever direction he choses,

And painfully I watch you lose yourself to the

Mouth of an ocean who never took the time

To learn how to pronounce your name.

He was never the image that love has painted,

Instead he is a mirage of what pain has created.

Distancing yourself from reality only to swim

Within his lies.

I wish I could have built walls for you.

Walls tall enough to keep his eyes hidden.

Walls tight enough so that his

Scent could not seep through the cracks.

I wish I could have protected you.

I wish I could have changed the seasons

So that the winds were not so heavy on your fingertips.

Again, he has swept through and taken your strength.

He has poisoned your mind to make you think

That you are the lucky one.

Made you believe that without him

You were just another grain of sand.

Another insignificant piece of land,

So you lost your motive to stand strong.

Dug up your roots and pretended not to hear

Us calling your name -

Or maybe you have forgotten what it sounds like.

It is true - I have been struck by harsh winds many times

And I sadly have the scars to prove it.

But I have built these walls perfectly.

They are made with tiny grains of sand.

Millions upon millions stacked upon one another

Dampened with the tears i've cried for years.

My lovely grains of sand, who have stood beside me

On night's where I thought I would crumble.

Days that I thought would never end.

Hour's that I thought would hold me hostage.

Minutes that took my breath away.

Seconds that I will never get back.

I wish I could have built walls for you.

To keep him out.

To keep us in.

To help you remember your name when he

Misplaced it.

To keep your beauty somewhere safe.

To have shielded you from the

Harsh winds his fists blow.

I wish.

But I know that if I did, he would find another way in.

You would leave trails for him.

And we, the tiny of grains of sand that have always loved you, would be left

Wondering where it was you went.

So again, we will watch from the other side

As you drift away with your wind,

And pray that one day you regain the strength

To build your own walls.

Love, Tianamonique.

Part Deux.

2010-02-14T10:30:00.001-08:00

Hearts have never been as undefined as ours.
They have been written within warm bed sheets
Smeared in lace and cotton.
Hung upon curved smiles.
They have been placed in between the spaces
Where we attempted to catch our breath
From nights we couldn't sleep.
And it is within these moments where I take in
Your every exhale, breathing in every part of you
That I have welcomed into my heavens.
No need to doubt this.
I will spread my love across your table.
I will embellish your name on my thighs.
I will curl your scent onto my tongue.
I will wrap your beautiful neck with the tips of my fingers.
And I will lock away every secret you whisper
And let you take me on trips of ecstasy
To oceans unknown.

Because although our envisions were a little dimmed, my ordinary words still sings hymns!

Religiously inclined to your majestic and godly eyes
Calling your name in high pitched sins.
I have not forgotten what it feels like to miss you,
So now that you are here, I refuse to dismiss you.
Let me kiss you, and watch as your scars fade from view.
Let's re-write the rules of love and say that the stars
Told us that we were destined.
And that 11:11 was created by us.
And that poetry resides in your smile.
And that the world rotates only by the command of your voice.
And that gravity merely an excuse to keep us from flying.

I have never been able to sum up your being within these words
For there are no true words that could describe our two hearts.
But I suppose U & I are the perfect way to be perfectly undefined.

Love,
Tianamonique.

FREEWRITE 012410.

2010-01-24T20:49:00.000-08:00

it was a love that no one understood. not our friends. not our families. not even us. looking back, I can’t quite find the word to describe what it was. but we were. compelled by your eyes. enveloped in your hands. lost in your smile. danced in your laughter. i’m not sure where the pieces of 'happily ever after' went, but our puzzle slowly began to unravel along with the secrets we kept behind closed doors. Yet, somehow I managed to lock away your essence. so the gravitation pull from your shirt rubbing against my arm was almost intoxicating. such a simple action with such huge consequence. there is a fine line between coincidence and fate. so what were we? in love? in madness?

in / finite.

and I could blame the stars for our downfall. I could blame our doomed zodiac signs. I could blame the words we spoke. I could blame the words we didn’t speak. I could blame them. I could blame you. I could blame me. I could. But no matter where my finger points, you were always the destination. you were always the map. you were always the road and street signs telling me where to go. But I can no longer find you. your eyes are distant, even when they catch mine in small glances of hope. your hands don’t hold the letter’s that I used to be able to spell in my sleep. your smile is fading from my memory. and your laughter no longer exists. silence rests on the tip of my tongue, wanting to curl your name onto the roof of my mouth. craving for your scent to blossom onto my neck. somehow this gravitational pull is weighing heavy on my mind as if your being was made of bricks. Pricking my eyes with needles for crossing my heart to many times, hoping to die within the second you inhale and then be reborn in your exhale. but I am failing to understand the mathematics of this equation. trying to come up with simple answers because I have too many question marks burnt into my skin. I have these scars now from slit wrists and drugged veins. Even after they told me to be still. I couldn't help but run to you, even after my legs failed me. Even after your car tires left marks on my heels. Even after my life was almost shattered. I run. And I run. And I run. To you. To us.

To / morrow.

I have come to love everything that was wrong with us. All of the lies, all of the deceit. All of the times where our puzzle didn't seem compete. Because despite those imperfections, despite the pride, despite how much I wanted to hate you, I loved you. And I love that. We had all the pieces but could never see the picture quite clear enough. Blurred eyes from tears that fled down dimpled cheeks. Burning through blank pages. Spilling ink onto broken hearts. watching memories bruise from the constant blows from our fists.Twisting words to make fallacy look like reality. I can no longer keep track of how many times you enter my dreams. Per night. Per day. Per hour.

Per / fect.

I will continue to hum your name in the middle of the night, and listen to songs about water, and continue to reminisce on moments where we slow danced to foreign exchanges and got lost in adored kisses and lovely eyed glances. I'll never forget what romance was. And maybe in time, our distance will force our pieces to search for each other, and the picture will make its way to plain view. Maybe your eyes will hold that desire I long for. Maybe your hands will fit inside mine as they always did. Maybe your smile will swallow mine. Maybe your laughter will resurrect and we will remember why we ever fell in the first place. And maybe all the bruises and the scars will begin to fade. Maybe we will prove them wrong. Maybe love will not remain a myth. Maybe old memories will be replaced by today's grin. Maybe the stars will align in our favor and our zodiac signs will defy gravity. Maybe we will be whatever we are and just be content with fact that we can be we without restraint.

May / be

Love, Tianamonique.

MIYM #19

2010-01-15T14:47:00.000-08:00

I don't need you to make me feel sexy, I am quite capable of making myself feel gorgeous. I don’t need your hands to touch my most quiet spots, I know the routes very well. I don’t need you to whisper your fantasies into my ears, I can sing my own in lovely notes. I don’t need you to say my name, it sounds better on my tongue. I don’t need you to tell me i’m beautiful in every synonymn, I have little insecurities. I don't need you to hold me, my palms are willing to do that. I don't need you to save me, I know very well how to be heroic. I don't need you to stay, I don't mind being alone. I don't need you to miss me, I prefer my space.

I don’t need you to tell me you love me. Because I just don’t.

Just because.

The Hardest Part About Love.

2009-12-31T08:28:00.000-08:00

Let me make one thing clear.
No, I am not the 'clingy' type and
No, I do not NEED your attention.
You just so happened to be there
So I accepted.
Your arm wrapped around my waist,
Your hards searching for the gaps
In between my fingers
So you could enlace yours with mine.
Your fingertips perfectly touching the middle
Of my palms
You invited yourself into these thoughts.
I never asked to be filled but you
Spilled your lyrics into me anyways leaving
No cracks in between my attempts to tell you to rewind
Cuz those words left permanent wounds where
Scars had already claimed residency
And I can't say that I didn't enjoy it because I did.
But you fail to understand what happened
See, I have this box full of men that have
Touched and left.
Leaving their fingertprints frozen into me
Encrypted like code
If love had a diary, you could read it on my skin
Like braile with your eyed closed.
This box, with the image of men dented
From my unaswered questions
Starting from when his
16 year old hands touched my 9 year old body
Causing internal bruising from losing all of my innocence
I understood the definition of sex
Before I knew what love was.
Kissing away my youth at the age of 15 when my
Virginity was stolen by a man who claimed he loved me
Crying blank tears of regrets
And now I'm trying forget everything my heart loves to remember.
See touching is the hardest part about love.
It is not about fucking.
That is easy.
Easy to forget my last name and to swallow my fathers
Words claiming no man can love me more
Easy to close the door on my common sense
But it is the opening part that they always forget
To mention in fairy tales
And no, I didn't expect you to be my prince charming
But damn.
I am tired of adding names to this venemous list
Tired of being kissed and it be meaningless
Playing guilty when really I am innocent
And I don't blame my missing pieces on you
I was broken far before your name became existant
But you have stained the back of my neck with your breath
And now the gaps in between my fingers are
Beginning to miss your sweet entanglment
And that would have never happened if
You had not snaked your way down my arm
To dig into realms that were never yours to explore
I've endured much worse so please don't think
That this is your fault
But that night you poured salt into fresh wounds
Without even asking if I needed a bandage
Cuz you were so concerned with leaving that
You didn't realize I was bleeding
Wondering how many women have been imprinted with your scent
And like the rest, you left.
And I refuse to chase senseless men.
So the next time you want to go around tangling fingers
You might wanna ask where her hands have been.

Love, Tianamonique

Merry Christmas Guys!

2009-12-25T06:34:00.000-08:00

Hope everyone has an amazing day! =D

Love, Tianamonique.

MIYM #18 / DAY 3.

2009-12-16T17:51:00.000-08:00

And because of everything we’ve been through, I continue to grasp on to moments where our names were aligned with the stars. And because I can’t let go, I hold them while I sleep. And because my dreams consist of falacies, I tend to wake up with soaked cheeks. And because I have dimples, they tend to seep into my skin. And because your words have cut away the molecules of my surface, I walk sideways and my smile is crooked. And because I am so broken and dismantled, the many who have touched; have left. And because lonliness is so beautiful, I paint solitude on barren canvases. And because those colors are too bold for me, I look to your emerald eyes for comfort. And because they are so distant, I find myself following the trails I left for when we got lost. And because the winds swept away my previous footprints, you are no where to be found. And because time is running out, I have no patience to play hide and seek. And because I left those games in my youth, I am taking my heart and laughter and planting them in a secret garden. And because roses were never your thing, romance and meloncholy love songs will fill this place. And because it is mine, it will blossom. And because of everything I’ve been through, I will water my thoughts and nurture my dreams, and fall in love with myself.

Love. Tianamonique.

FREEWRITE 120409

2009-12-04T07:58:00.000-08:00

Maybe love is a myth.
A tale that was told on
Lonely nights.
Maybe is started with a simple kiss
On the cheek and they tagged that as
Love.
And as generations grew, so did the idea
Of true love existing
Kissing strangers until the
Right one landed on hopeful lips
Someone must have have twisted around
The words, because somewhere in the
Midsts of kisses on cheeks, love was stolen
Somewhere, love was shattered and broken
The letters spilling over torn hearts.
Loved died.
And when they tried to put the pieces back together
They glued it wrong,
Leaving dark holes in their theories,
Gaps in between their thoughts
Love was a myth broken by lies and fantasies
Shoving pretty quotes down aching throats
In hopes of finding a prince charming.
Someone to leak pretty words into desperate palms
Someone to hold the burdens of your heaviest secrets
Someone to love the worst part of you
Someone to love the ugliest part of you
Someone to accept your insecurties and kiss them until they are too far to reach.
Someone to teach poetry and art like it was all we had left.
Somone to make parallel lines intersect.
Someone to defy gravity.
Someone to capture moments in still forms and make them sing.
Until proven that this person exists..

Love is just a myth.

Love. Tianamonique.

Yesterday's Emerald Eyes.

2009-11-25T09:26:00.000-08:00

Yesterday is no longer my concern.
Your fingertips no longer hold any importance
Your emerald eyes can't keep me hostage
And I have left your scent somewhere in last week.
Our summer has faded with winter's cold lips
Kissing away our warm memories and replacing them
With frozen regrets.
But it's so hard to forget what your heart loves to remember.
So now i'm trying to play catch up to a world that you
So painfully blinded me from
Trying to touch the laughter I lost along with my smile
I misspelled my name so many moon's ago and now
I have papercuts from writing too many love poems.
We were the end of a train crash
The ashes carried the pieces of my heart
Into your venomous hands
You always pretended to catch me when I began to fall apart
But never held tight enough.
Letting me slip through the cracks in your weak fingers
I never knew where I was going
So since I didn't have a destination, a map was not needed
Weeded through the roses as if the thorns never left me bleeding
Pleading for your once familiar eyes to make me dance again
I sat placid on the wieght of yesterday
Pretending to not notice how distant your voice had become
Or how your words stung
Or how I bled from biting my tongue
You; the yesterday that I've been running from.
And now
Today seems blank
Tomorrow seems lonely
But yesterday is no longer my concern.

Love, Tianamonique.

And So The Story Goes..

2009-11-13T09:25:00.000-08:00

When we are removed from history textbooks

Our mistakes will follow in repetition.

And as we cry egyptian shaped tears

Your towers will paint the sky with corporate lies

Wicked men in glass shoes carry dull suitcases

Failing to realized that their fake smiles have left us

Broken.

And no matter how deep the concrete goes,

No matter how high your building reach

And no matter how far your skyscrapers stretch

We are demanding more love.

I pity those men in fine armor

Chasing women with alabaster perfume

Enlaced on their wrists

Kissing dollar bills every time the clicking of heels step through their office

For these men do no understand the shame of card board boxes

Underneath underpasses draped in graffiti

Or the venomous veins carrying the weight of heroin through barren cities

They have forgotten the forgotten.

The minimum wage dependents

The less fortunate.

Your political scandals are raping us dry

Leaving no crack in between our attempts just to get by

How could you rewrite the words we've created?

You appear with red faces

Emptied from vacations

With sand still tucked behind your ear

Telling single mothers that they must leave

But you fail to answer the question of why

Your guns have not surrounded the poverty of unfortunate dreams.

Why are your wallets heavier than our education?

Your laws are corrupted sir, and you alone have deleted us from those history books.

Where did the three kings with the gifts go?

Where are the songs about strange fruit?

Where did the speeches about peace disappear to?

The pollution rises through the windows

Of your pent house

You cough on our deep breaths

You rest on our fallen hopes

You twist broken promises into strands of our hair

You avoid our eyes to remain innocent

You shake our hands unaware that the lifelines on our palms

Are not long enough and it is unfair

That these men are stripping away our sanity

They are stealing our identities

We are not your enemies

We are simply the unread words in your fairy tale fantasies

Though you pull our rehearsed sorry's from your pockets

We know that the truth is far from your mouth.

We must re-build the temple

And only hope that one brick can fix

Everything you've undone

And pray that our names are rewritten.

Love, Tianamonique.

She Is Coming Undone.

2009-10-29T23:53:00.000-07:00

Her dark eyes have dampened.

And her hands are now clenched in fists

Her smile and crooked

And flood with accusations she never deserved

Fingers burned from touching distant memories

Arms broken from reaching for stars

That were never aligned quite right

Her edges are weakened from being

Pushed through sandpaper eyes

She cried in dark corners

Writing her blues on white walls

Creating a perfect sky of dreams that never came true

Her hinges loose from men

Opening and closing her doors and

Misplacing the key; love has left her half empty

But this is not about love.

This is about change

The rearrangement of webbed promises inscribed on false tongues

Blank thoughts serving as bandages

Keep together the broken pieces

Her fringes are being to fray

And with days coming and good

Time is almost impossible to grasp

Counting moments with dead rose pedals on lonely night

Goodbye's have become as frequent as yesterdays

But it was tomorrow that never came

Placing the blame on the footsteps of a god with no name

The frame of her existence being bent backwards

Her character twisted around assumptions

Leaving her soul broken and dying

Trying to come up with complicated answers

To the simple question of, why.

Her laughter has been stained into living room carpets

Along with fallen tears and unsaid regrets.

She never prepared herself for this.

Spinning herself dizzy, contemplating every crucial detail

Ever possible factor in this messed up equation

This complex situation

Failing to provide any type of solution

Her voice has sunk deeper in pools of melancholy songs

Her throat aches from swallowing glass

And as time passes her soul collapses.

She is coming undone.

Running to numb the feeling of being still.

Running from a cold sun.

Because she has realized that

Nothing is as it seems

So she is deferring

Like Langston's dream

But if you see her, tell her to stop.

Because soon she'll run out of breath.

And in these times breathing

Is the only reality she has left.

Love, Tianamonique.

Lay With You

2009-10-09T08:22:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I just want to lay with you.

Because days are busy and hurried

And sometimes I forget how to breathe

So I need your arms to remind me

Of how to feel

So sometimes I just want to lay with you.

Let the words write themselves upon our palms

Let them entertwine

We could write sonnets with our silence

Forget our assignments

My back to your chest

Your right leg on my left

Your breath on my neck

I just want to lay with you

Because I spend all day move

Around corners, around orders

And I tend to forget how it feels to be still

I don't want to have to tell you my heart is aching

I don't want to hear the sound of promises breaking

Making love is fine; but sometimes I just want to lay there.

Fully clothed.

No makeup.

Vulnerable.

Eyes closed.

Hold me until my secrets unfold.

My heart is cold and your arms are the only warmth it knows

No words to be spoke

I know, it's difficult to find time to be alone

But if we could hold on to the hours, the minutes, the seconds,

I reckon we could be free of our insecurities.

I just want to lay with you.

In solitude.

In our purest of forms.

Lay with you until the sheets are torn.

Place wisps of bliss on the small of my neck

Because laying with you is better than sex

I just want to embrace your essence

And inhale your sweet scent without the interruption of nonsense

Lets just lay here and pretend as though we are empty

And fill each other with lovely ecstasy

I just want to lay with you.

Until I forget how to move.

Love, Tianamonique.

MIYM #16

2009-09-13T23:29:00.000-07:00

These are only words.

Script from a twisted wrist

A hand that's been kissed

Words flowing from burnt fingertips

[I've always loved and touched too much]

But these are just words.

Being swallowed and ignored

And possibly rightfully so

Words, evaporating in blank eyes

Disappearing in artistic skies

Numb tongues wrapping around moonlit sighs.

Inhaled the experience and exhaled metaphoric lies.

Watch them rise through cracked throats

And break in mid air like neglected smoke

These are just words.

The ones I never spoke.

Love, Tianamonique

*I know I don't post as much as I used to. Some things are just meant to be kept to myself...

He that lives in a glass house must not throw stones.

2009-08-24T10:49:00.001-07:00

I had a house.
And in that house there were things.
Things with memories encrypted onto them.
There were chairs we sat and laughed in.
Photographs, I adored you.
Books we never read.
Walls with words unsaid.
The front door always remained locked,
I never wanted to leave.
The shelves held all the lies you spilled
Around our wooden floors that always
Creaked when you came around
Sound proofed our bedroom so you did not hear
Me scream when I found her scent underneath
Your pillow.
The hearts on the window from the fogged mornings.
Mornings I could not sleep from the nights you
Pretended to love me.
Stained red lipstick smeared across buttoned shirts;
I always ignored.
Everytime you would return to me with a little less than you left with.
The warnings were deafening but I covered my ears
With your hands and begged you to make
The sirens stop, and you would kiss my cheek
And just as innocently I would sweep away
Her footprints in the doorway.
The wine bottles spilled everytime you left;
Drinking to the nights alone, in our bed.
This house became a knife and I always bled when you fled,
Cutting deeper, the nights longer, the mornings colder,
Wrapping myself in your bedsheets; wondering how it was you could hold her,
When you had me. Sadly, our happy home became a
Vacant hole and I walked the halls and of what was.
The chairs were broken, the pictures on the walls
Were crooked and the windows shattered.
This is what our love had become.
Broken.

I sold that house; to a woman who didn't mind the mess.
She said nothing could compare to the tangles in her chest.
When she stepped into the doorway, I could almost hear her sadness
Burst inside of her.
Her scent was familiar.
Her red lipstick blared.
She pushed my hand away when I went to give her the key.
Opened her purse and pulled out her own.
I smiled and left that house.

And I built myself a home.

Pretty Girls Are Always Insecure.

2009-08-07T20:46:00.000-07:00

I used to make myself feel pretty.
Now I'm depending on someone else to
Validate my beauty.
Comparing myself to the last and the next,
Insecure in my own sex, feeling worthless
To the bone, a stranger in my own home,
Immune to the flaws that continue to grow,
Its cold when you're alone,
Wishing to be someone else, someone that already was
Somone I will never be,
And I know that she creeps into your mind when you look at me
I can feel it when you're kissing me
You're lips longing for another, causing my heart to think irrationally
Settling for what I think I deserve,
And even though it hurts, I work twice as hard to keep what was hers
The scars never show from the inside but they burn and I've heard it a million times
"You have to know your own worth",
but fuck its hard
when there's always someone else there stealing your words,
Concealing the urge to cry in front of you.
The tears have left permanent trails,they know their way down my cheeks,
and I am missing too many pieces to even begin to feel complete,
but I do know this feeling of insecurity; it is nothing unusual,
but still sometimes I just miss feeling,
Beautiful.

*Back to meloncholy. Lovely.

Love On The Horizon.

2009-08-05T14:52:00.000-07:00

I saw a beautiful shape in the distance and
Convinced myself it was you.
Told myself it could be no one and nothing else,
So I ran.
Letting the pavement sing beneath my impatient feet,
The trees became a blur a green, another sign
Of your presense.
I uttered your name under my slowed breath hoping
You would turn and beam your brilliance
Into the morning horizon.
But when I got to where you were supposed to be,
Utter lonliness washed over me
And I was not surprised.
You never came, as I did not expect you to,
But expectations and hope often cross eachother,
Causing misunderstanding and heartache.
I listened to the wind blow through my damp eyelashes,
Inhaled the sweet scent of cactuses. embraced the morning
Dew with my eyes closed.
The trail had ended, and I walked away alone,
Leaving the beautiful horizon and your memory behind,
Knowing that sadness and desperation were waiting for me at home.

Love,
tianamonique.

Inside The Storm.

2009-07-18T15:05:00.000-07:00

The lightning struck the same spot twice, it was no myth.
No coincidence that I had a scar in my palms
With your name written on it.
I did not cry, though the rain was questionable.
Storms blew through valleys buried deep, hidden
And sealed with secrets you whispered in your sleep.
I always pretended not to hear, but the thunder always
Kept me awake and I had no choice but to listen.
Imprisoned in darkness, your words became a light
In my shadowed room, the clandestinity of your dreams
Were unleashed as your speech carried on throughout the storm,
Tears became hail, iced over memories seeped through broken teeth
It was like watching lilies bloom in the middle of cracked streets.
Riddles streaming from the depths of death’s venom breath
My name was in the eye of the storm.
Leaving my fragile heart twisted and torn, your violent winds
Made it impossible to think clearly, I lay in despair wishing I could make
Your past disappear, we were both in such need of repair.
We were the end result of a train crash,
The ashes of a thrown out cigarette,
The pain that sits placid after love expires,
Somehow we fused our broken pieces together
We were just looking for some protection from
Some severe weather.
And so the morning came, as it always did.
Jaded light bulbs lit dimly as you awoke, the tornado calmed,
The words you spoke the night before silence themselves,
And I am left with no words, waiting for the sun to deliver answers
To your broken questions.

MIYM #14

2009-07-03T13:35:00.001-07:00

It was to an independent state of mind that I wanted to pledge
Saluted the reflection in the mirror
As if my chords had truly been cut down
Like my strings were finally untied
Like the knots had come undone
I placed my hand over my heart to pledge my allegiance
But the bullets went flying taking my soul as seisin
Foolishly I left my heart open for unspoken reasons
No liberty or justice could heal these lesions.

FREEWRITE 063009

2009-06-30T22:34:00.000-07:00

Twisted around assumptions, crying out for some type of escape. Losing the meanings, the truth, characters are written but their definitions are never defined, refined to the bone, it’s a cold world, and the winters are dark. Summers are lonely, spring is empty, and autumn changes all the colors of the spectrum. The leaves fall, the branches break, and what is left of truth, is dried and festering in sand boxes. The night’s lights shine through bleak skin, loving myself enough but still the air is thin, conforming to the reality instead of the truth. Bent bridges and seeing everything upside down, I need elevator arms to up lift me now. Somehow the roads are being shaped into question marks, raising doubt, raising reason, where is truth? Not the city, but the state of being. The state of knowing whether the proof is reliable; it is the truth that’s undeniable. Familiar faces reaching with stranger’s hands. They too have begun to turn into question marks, bending with memories that are faint and I’m beginning to wonder if they ever took place. Struggling to find the truth in love’s recollection, I search through the archives, hoping to find a scent of summer’s taboo; I know that I loved you, but I can’t find where it ever ended or why. The truth is hiding in mounds, yesterday sounds lovely when played backwards, I keep the records on a shelf right next humility, one of my favorite tunes, and then June plays the laughter that has been stained into living room carpets, it’s so hard to forget what you heart loves to remember. I know I need to accept the fact that I can’t keep you forever, but selfishly I keep your memory in queue, and when they ask me for my name I attach it to your last, not because I miss you, but because time is moving too fast, and I’m just trying to capture history before it becomes the past.

MIYM #13

2009-06-24T15:12:00.000-07:00

Even if it is only one night
Strip me of my insecurities
Love the purest form of me
Make the floor beds cry,
And the bed spread curl
Place whispers on my neck
Hold me deep
Make it raw
Place our problems
On the nightstand and
Pick them up in the morning
This could be love.
But even if its not
I would still like to place my hands
Across your back
Embellish your name in high notes
Make music jealous
Even if it means nothing
Because I would much rather
Be lonely with you,
Than empty alone.

Love, Tianamonique.

Footprints Fade.

2009-06-17T16:44:00.001-07:00

It’s so hard to tell time with the
Days coming and going. Now
Evaporates so quickly and sleeping
Only makes the nights fly. Clinging to
Fallen moments just so you don’t
Forget. Gone walks away slowly and
I can taste yesterday faintly.
How does one prepare for already?
Counting moments with dead rose pedals.
There’s no class that teaches the
Art of saying goodbye. Questions rising and the
Answers being swallowed by tomorrows
That never seemed to come through. Time always
Knows when to withdraw and then
Present itself when convenient and less
When appropriate. Snapping your wrists
To get the attention of a yesterday
Who must have forgotten how to say farewell.
Applauses come from forced kisses
Fallen upon cheeks that have become
A roadway for incomplete love spells
We become unfinished once the music stops
And I am of the Coltrane and Holiday kind
I have loved others but your now
Always overrides their then. Face beams with
Here and going stops when your
Footprints step upon its toes.
I miss you most in the mornings, though.
When the dew from the night before
Swelled upon your tongue
When the morning sun shined in perfect angles
Through my blinds
It was almost as if the sun asked
Your eyes to dance and you obliged
Speechless and in love, I often lost the words
To your smile [it was always unfair battle]

But I will not reminisce on days that never came
I will not play with memories that never happened
And I will never wish they had
Moments come when they are supposed to,
Never rushing and never late
Though I crave you still; I will not indulge in your
Yesterday

Love. Tianamonique

LOOKIE WHAT I FOUND =]

2009-06-12T19:30:00.000-07:00

OLDIE BUT GOODIE =]
Dont think I ever posted this on my blog but whatev.. I was scrolling through my old word docs on thee computadora and found this piece lol throwback. =]

ALGEBREEZIE4MAHMEEZE.

You are my math.
My hardest subject.
Perfectly calculated to be as difficult as humanly possible
So I put off doing homework because this doesn’t make
Sense to me.
[yet it could be so easy if I got tutoring]
You, built upon formulas, are complicated
And I am trying to comprehend the math of you.
Trying to prove with theorems,
Trying to solve this equation.
you²+me²=see²
but our vision is impaired,
blinded by the erase marks from
our consistent mistakes.
There can only be one right answer,
Maybe it doesn’t live within me.
Thinking with math is pointless and useless
Cuz I used the right side of my brain,
You have given me reason to doubt my theory.
You are my “X”
The variable I am trying to solve for.
WHY? = EMCEE²

You spit,
But I can’t fit your lyrics into my
Equilateral.
The area is to complex.
Still, the mathematics of the problem no longer matter.
You are my vertex, my center.
My square root.
And regardless of the equation, the answer is always,
You.

MIYM #12

2009-06-08T17:14:00.000-07:00

In case you are looking for me,
I left clues in your memory.
I was the calligraphy written
On green stones, sending letters
To the angels that carried your spirit.
I was the cracks in the sidewalk that
You avoided because of superstitions
The babies cry in crowded rooms
The emptiness that filled
Eternity; the definition of your
Nightmares
I was always in plain view before
You began looking for me
I’ve always been there.
I was always there,
But you never saw, never needed to search
For what was in front of you, my dear.
Isn’t that how it goes?

love.tianamonique

youneedtohearthis.

2009-06-05T17:39:00.000-07:00

I was in love once.
I mean really in love.
The kind of love that you want to rewind and then replay
Because you don’t want to miss one crucial detail
It was like that when I was younger too.
When the wind would caress my youthful cheeks and
Follow me up trees and I would
Fall with bruised knees but I would beg to do it again
Just to inhale the sweet breeze
It was easy then.
Before I knew his name, before I understood his scent.
Because now everything I do will either be
Before or after I met him
The happiness prior to, and the sadness thereafter

I can feel my heart bursting into flames
And I can visualize what my insides must look like
A barren of darkness filling eternity, a lost spirit
Floating among broken dreams
Stairways leading to cold oceans; drowning in
The most beautiful misery
Overflowing with the letters he wrote on my heart
I can feel the ink bleeding
I’ve landed on the ceiling of heartbreak and it is here [of all places]
That the universe has shown up asking questions about nonsense
That I have no intentions of answering

Love is such a petty thing.
People lose real things like
Their jobs, and their homes, and their families,
Who am I to complain about the betrayal of love?
I do not compare my hurt to those who have suffered greater,
But in the end it comes down to
Heartbreak
Pure and utter heartbreak
No matter the immensity of the situation.
You cannot place a measurement on how heartbroken you are.
And I am.

I would have counted sand for you, love.
Praised every strand of your hair
Crowned you Zeus, played Aphrodite
We could have written our own mythologies
But there was distance
That left us human
An ocean and a morning sky
And now there is nothing but
Faint memories and
They take deep sighs in the
Middle of the night
And I wake up in a sweat
Clenching the pillow as if
There was another being lying
Next to me and then begin to sob
Realizing it’s not and
Everything goes blank and im still
Empty and alone, wondering how
Much more misery I can take!

There is only reality to rely on,
Yesterday is no longer my concern
Yesterday always leaves
And I’m so tired of being left
I understand that everything is
Beautiful in the beginning
There is love there is curiosity
There is excitement the sparks fly
But where does that all go?
Do those feelings evaporate after you’ve
Reached a certain level of happiness?
Where there once was laughter
There is now silence
And it stands still in solitude
And I’m not sure if I’m to blame
Or was it you whose heart decided, [for whatever reason] that
It would be better off without mine?

We become accustomed to accustoms
Blankly following the paths of
Bad habits formed in a matter of seconds
Days begin to repeat themselves and
Soon we’re stuck walking in a circle
Spinning ourselves dizzy,
Is this when we become insane?
Carving initials into yesterdays
Tree hoping to look back and remember
Who we once were
Losing our name to inconsistent promises
And knowing there is nothing left of
Ourselves to break; so the glass falls and
The pieces scatter across the floor of our sanity
How do you explain that you are putting together an invisible puzzle?

This is how it will be from now on
Questions arising and answers
Getting lost in doubt
Manipulating myself enough to
Believe that for that moment in time
For that period in history
For that second
I was that happy and deserved to be so.
There are times when, without thinking, I will
Suddenly lose my breathe.
Choking on tears before they even fall
This is crazy, I know this is crazy.

I am here and I am now
With my heart in hand
Sloppily put back together
Without any expectations
Without any restraint
I just want it to keep beating,
Keeping my soul breathing through
This chokehold of a condition
Can heartbreak be described as an illness?

Illness (n): a state of bad health.
Yes.

All there is to do now is remember.
I almost ran off the cliff when I came to then end of this road
I almost lost my balance but I looked
Behind me and heard the rhythm of my heartbeat faintly and slowly in the distance,
I think I might have a chance of surviving,
Even if I have to go to sleep cold and crying.

whatever.
tiana.

2009-06-04T12:56:00.000-07:00

I read books, write poems, sing songs
I walk, I run, I speak,
Not that these things are insignificant
But I could breathe without them.

I lie, I shame, and I sin,
I curse, I blame, I disown
Though I know these things are wrong
They do not keep me from breathing

Summer’s haze looked right through me
And shivered at my winter cold heart
Asking how it was that I could continue
To inhale its sun rays and still be so iced
Over on the inside
Surprised at my ability to still be pumping blood

I responded and said,
I hurt, I cry, I melt
I fall, I spill, and I love
Though I have deep wounds
It does not keep me from breathing.

Before Sunset.

2009-06-02T11:09:00.000-07:00

Celine: I was fine.. Until I read your fucking book! It stirred shit out from you, it reminded me how... genuinely romantic I was, how I had so much hope in things and... now it's like... I don't believe in anything that relates to love, I don't feel things for people anymore. In a way... I put all my romanticism into that one night and I was never able to feel all this again. Like... somehow this night took things away from me and... I expressed them to you and you took them with you! It made me feel cold, like if love wasn't for me!

Jesse: I... I don't believe that. I don't believe that.

Celine: You know what? Reality and love are almost contradictory for me. It's funny... Every single of my ex-es... they're now married! Men go out with me, we break up, and then they get married! And later they call me to thank me for teaching them what love is, and... that I taught them to care and respect women!

Jesse: I think I'm one of those guys.

Celine: You know, I want to kill them! Why didn't they ask me to marry them? I would have said "No", but at least they could have asked! But it's my fault, I know that it's my fault, because... I never felt it was the right man. Never! But what does it mean the right man? The love of your life? The concept is absurd, the idea that we can only be complete with another person is... EVIL! Right?

Jesse: Can I talk?

Celine: You know, I guess I've been heart broken too many times. And then I recovered. So now, you know, from the starts, I make no effort.

-honestly i've never related to anything so much. how beautiful is this scene? What she says in the beginning is exactly how I feel. Its everything Ive wanted to say captured in one scene. And then when she goes to touch him and then stops. *sigh* Everything about this is just amazing and the passion of his dream almost brings me to tears. All men should be like that.

love. Tianamonique.

MIYM #11

2009-05-30T17:31:00.000-07:00

As a child many of my worthless toys got
Broken, lost, and sometimes stolen
After kicking and screaming into my mothers arms
Almost begging for a second chance,
She would smile and gladly replace them
Now that I am older, I’ve had my heart broken,
Maybe lost, but more than likely stolen but
When I ran into my mothers arms
Kicking and screaming, and hardly breathing,
Demanding a second chance
She held my grown body and cried
Knowing that of all things she had replaced in my youth
My heart would be the most valuable item I will ever lose
Today, I try to avoid anything that can break
Because it’s the irreplaceable things
That leaves you feeling empty.

Love. Tianamonique.

FREEWRITE 052809

2009-05-28T19:19:00.000-07:00

I found a blank page in my notebook. I didn’t think I would. It seemed as though my words had leaked through each line; making it impossible to inscribe anymore love tributes. My notebooks heart seemed broken with all these melancholy words filling its blank spaces. Filling the gaps with rivers of tears but I happened to flip through one daring page, strong enough to hold my pens burdens. A full page ready to be devoured by heartbroken ink, I could feel the paper wince at the click of my wrists ready to spill all my sadness into its lips.

But instead of drowning this lonely page with poetic love woes, I will embroider these spaces with charming words that blossom from the seeds of my lovers smile. I will make the words dance in celebration of everlasting romance, because I’ve had enough with heartbreak and I’ve shed enough tears. I think this page deserves some happiness. Maybe even laughter if I can come up with the energy to engrave it because my heart is spinning out of control. Running wildly free, clinging to my loves thoughts and promising to never look back. On this page all the suffering no longer leaks through and the pain has been subdued. I do not wish to erase those memories though; those wounds are beginning to slowly heal. But still - I am entirely grateful that you can’t erase permanence.

Love. tianamonique.

Twisted Odyssey X Never Felt This Way.

2009-05-20T18:50:00.000-07:00

We begin to write sonnets.
Recite Langston’s verses first then
Fall asleep under the eye’s of Nefertiti
Call all soldiers, I want
World war one to erupt in my
Diaphragm; ignite the French revolution
And shout c’est la vie down la rue!
Place abstract kisses down my back
Until Picasso’s paintings are subdued
In a sentimental mood as Coltrane
Croons sweet tunes to a sun kissed moon.
Untangle the webbed memories that
Are buried deep in my past’s shoes
Let’s walk hand in hand along the Nile
Paint dimples onto Mona Lisa’s smile
All the while catching shooting stars
And placing them in piles to lie on as pillows
Emit light with your eyes and watch as the
Green glow bellows through our love song
As it plays low and your heart beat flows
Through mine, losing track of time on purpose
It always seems to stop when I find your lip’s surface
Promises inscribed on small papers and sent in coke bottles
Send balloons over the Atlantic with your name
Mottled with water color; you are a brilliant blank canvas
That even Van Gogh could not master
Let’s plaster our fingerprints upon
Alabaster sculptures in Egypt
We can write our sonnets there in lovely script
We could skip through barren cities and
Cry with the lost souls drowning in pity
Secretly smiling inside knowing
Your name is tagged on my heart like Brooklyn graffiti
I know that I’ve let your love run freely and
And though I miss you dearly..
I feel as though we’ve just begun healing,
But it still aches knowing you are no where near me
You don’t have to forgive me, but take my hand
And promise you’ll never leave me, wrap my
Heart in our history and carry on complete.
I know somehow we can do this..
Just love me modestly and we can pick up
Where we left off on this twisted odyssey.

love. tianamonique.
&+ I wont say but you know I do. And it's whats killing me.

oh and... here's like a two second singing vid. I was in the mood so here it is. its uber short I know. Sue me.

Hermano Y Yo =]

2009-05-17T21:03:00.000-07:00

My mother is my new favorite photographer. =]

Shouts to the sister also.!!

btw: my brother goes waaaay harder than yours!

Selahomamen.

2009-05-11T13:44:00.000-07:00

Dear god, even if you are nothing,
Hold me close tonight.
Keep my hands warm in the pockets
Of your embrace
Kiss me lightly
Kiss me like fools do in love
Take my soul the way the
Bible says you should
Leak prayers into me
The ones I’ve been to afraid
To say myself
You know them
I have not asked you for much
Maybe out of ignorance
But I need something to believe in
So I am calling on you,
Even if you are nothing,
Because I have to worked my heart
To hard and my eyes have splinters
My hands are heavy and my shoulders
Carry question marks with baggage
And I know there are those who
Have a greater belief that you can see through..
But whether you're Buddah, God, Or Allah, I need you.
And I will wait for eternity for your thread and needle
To sew me back together because this pain is lethal.
Purify my senses; bring me to the masses
I've been wounded; but I've done unexcuseable damage
Too much that my soul can't manage
Im all out of options; save me; I'm patient.
Selah; Om; Amen.

love.tianamonique.

Oh Hi =]

2009-05-07T21:24:00.001-07:00

Last picture post but omgg I love em =] i've come to a point where im beginning to realize who and what is important and whats not. And these femmys [and camy duh] are the realness! Sooo.. that's basically it. Adios =]

tianamonique.

SIGH

2009-05-06T20:10:00.000-07:00

Ugh I need to get a new notebook. I had to write on blank printer paper today! Geesh =[

Anways; new pieces will be up momentarily ! Whoop!

Tianamonique.

Sex And The City =]

2009-05-04T23:47:00.001-07:00

Camy Brit Heather. Basically like my best friends and stuff =]

It Was A Harsh Reality.

2009-05-01T22:26:00.001-07:00

I always watched him in amazement. Knowing his bulletproof eyes could possibly fill the empty spaces past lovers left behind. I waited impatiently to feel his silk skin say he loved me. I needed to hear him say it; even if it was untrue. I needed to hear that he needed me. Because evenings alone cast dark spells that green crescent moons always brightened so I hung on the side of his eyes letting his eyelashes sweep the doubt from my cheeks. I did not need him to convince me of my beauty but I was desperate to latch onto the words. Eager to let him half way into the past I had purposely shielded. He would often turn down the music so I could listen to his heartbeat. I longed for the drumbeat until he reassured me they were of the same melody. I never asked to be filled; but he spilled his lyrics into me anyways. Hardly leaving cracks in between my failed attempts to tell him to rewind because those words left bruises where scars had already claimed residency. I knew in the morning I would regret not pushing away his heavenly scent; but I could not fathom waking up alone knowing there was once a second presence in my lonely bed. He brought beauty with his strides and I suddenly felt blossomed. Like peace had finally found the trail back to my fingertips. Until he began to withdraw; taking my thoughts along with him. Others would scold me for letting such a decent man leave so suddenly. Family began to notice his bleek absence. Asking questions as to why he left leaving me with no explanation except I was blind and they would nod their heads in agreement. But they do not know that he could never leave me. His fingerprints are molded onto my cheekbones and his memory is tattooed on my lips. They do not know that his presence still lingers and I am often ill because of it. Without fail he always returns and says that I am beautiful. And I pretend not to cling onto those words, knowing the exact number of hours that had passed and still my name was never raised. Knowing that I had spent countless minutes enduring the separation that painfully caused conflict between my desperation to be loved and my common sense. He compares me to sweet mangoes and claims they are beautiful too, but could never surpass mine. He compares me to warm rose pedals and rainfall, and says they are beautiful but could never surpass mine. He says that silence and doves are beautiful too, but they could never surpass mine. He says she is beautiful; but her beauty could never surpass mine. He kisses me and then leaves [again]. I am grown and breathing but the child inside of me does not feel beautiful.

Love. Tianamonique.

**sorry its so long. =]

The Well That Went Dry.

2009-04-25T19:01:00.000-07:00

I had needs yes;
Ignored the obvious
Thinking I would shy away
From the thirst that violenty
Crept up the arch in my back
You chose to overlook
My desperation to be caressed
By your essense.
I must have lost you at the stop sign
When your eyes blinked green
So you left and I stayed
Stranded without any reassurance
That you would return whole.
I knew eventually you would make a sharp turn
To come back; but evidentally you ran
Into complicated detours
That led you astray
To another woman's core
Memories replayed constantly
Your voice was difficult to drone
Prone to dial tones; I found a home
In the arms of lonliness that
You never seemed to notice.
Sank deeper into my new residence;
Wishing you would ask for my address in hopes
Of a familiar visit.
But you would never come for me to comfort me.
You never even looked back to see
That you had comepletely rearranged my entire existense
So the music continued to play; but I was singing in accapella
Our soundtrack, suddently composed of sharps and flats
Continued to spin without a scratch
I carried on without mentioning
How unfamiliar your voice was
And how it was effecting me
How I had forgotten the shape
Of your eyes and how your
Sharp words were slowly disecting me
Neglecting me and my needs
My pleads went overlooked
Booked a thousand broken flights
Back to my unfinished memories
Unable to forget the promises
You injected into me.
These are the truths that I
Was trying to run away from.
Intoxicated my heart till my soul was numb
How does one overcome the gapped bridges
You so poorly built upon my tounge?
I suppose I never considered that
This wasn't going to go as perfectly
As I had sketched.
"I don't really draw anways" is my pathetic excuse
For keeping my heart outstreched.
I can no longer hold this love
It's become to complex; I packed it in a box.
It should be waiting on your doorstep.

Love. Tianamonique

*Some things are written because it feels good to write. And that is all it is meant to be.

Melt In Ya Mouf #9

2009-04-23T22:13:00.000-07:00

Time ran out quickly.
I had barely begun to count the seconds
Before the clocked stopped.
The sidewalks curled up
And the moon went blank
Even the wind couldn’t breathe
There will be no more moonlit walks
Around false dreams.

Love. Tianamonique.

Hustle Hustle Real Hard--*

2009-04-21T20:27:00.000-07:00

I chose words as my escape.
And I’m sure those with
Melodic tongues can relate.
Sing to penetrate rhythmic minds
Mean demeanor but my words
Sandpaper away the brick walls
I have chosen a softer route
Where hatred has been left
In a pile of dirt on the side of the road
I was beginning to light to many fires
And the burden of the flames were too
Heavy for my weak shoulders
So I have mustered enough courage to
Admit I have been using words as weapons
But I am surrendering them to you now.
Instead I will turn these bullets into roses
Because we all have a past even if you try to dispose it
Scream it!
In paint; in dance; in words; in rhymes;
In photos and stories; there no time to rewind
This is the way we move forward and the way we speak
Moving through rhythms of our heartbeats
My mind is tired and my soul is weak
And I know that these are only words
But they are mine
And I will claim them, and then frame them; my divine.
This scripture is more alive than any heartbeat could ever prove.
There has been heart/ache and misuse
But it was me who had to chose
To give my voice a chance and let the past be my muse
It was the truth inside of me that I wanted to blame
Played hide and go seek with my feelings;
Couldn't find shit when I hid my own name.
With that I'm finding my way; using these words to manifest the struggle

I chose poetry to soften my hustle.

+ Shouts to miss rissa over at cupcakes to soften yo hustle; her concept is dope. And the necklaces are effing adorable! =]

*I think we all got a lil somethin that adds some sweetness to life when it starts to go sour.

+++WORD TO MY ARTSY FRIENDS.. OWWWEEOOWWEEOOO =].. too much badu. lol

Love. Tianamonique.

Family Looovee =]

2009-04-20T20:31:00.000-07:00

My best friends. No joke. I'd be uterly lost without my brother and sister.

*That tis all.

My First Love Poem--*

2009-04-17T19:33:00.000-07:00

Je vous aime
My love, I adore thee.
Your sunshine blares in clear view
And I am honored to dance in its embrace.
If I was a clever girl, I would find a way
To bottle your smile and drink you
Till I was overflowing with joy
I would paint your reflection upon
The clouds so I could walk [shamelessly] in your shadow
I would place your scent on my eyelashes
So ever time I blinked; pieces of you
Would trickle down to my nose
And I could breathe in you
Darling; how lucky I am to have laid in your presence
To have held your delicateness
To have carried your fragile burdens
Te quierro
I have loved you in languages unknown
I admit that I have been swept from the ground
And into a blank heaven
You wrote the lyrics
Then recited your way back into my thoughts
And maybe I am a fool for following your
Lexis, but I am helpless in your presence
And I have become unusually comfortable with that.
L’amo
Sometimes it does not seem like
There are enough hours in a day for me to say
That your smile is equivalent to diamonds
And if I had the immense power to permanently
Rearrange the alphabet
I would gladly begin it with F
For the fulfillment you have
Given to my mere existence
I may come off as resistant only because
I am insecure and remain un-convinced that I am worthy
Of your brilliance
You are superior to all forms of beauty, my love.
My adored; how it saddens me that there are no words that
Could faithfully depict my gratitude for
Your company
Vous êtes beau
I love without reserve and I am well aware of the consequences
This state of mind can bring
But those chances are mine to take
Those words are for me to sing
It is my heart to break
And although I could never imagine of finding
The appropriate words to describe my vast adoration for you dear;
It is comforting to know that I could say it in all languages,
And would still mean the same.

--Wasnt sure if I was going to post this; but I Kiesha Cole'd it and changed my mind =]

Love. Tianamonique.

Feelin Real Gray Today.--*

2009-04-13T18:46:00.000-07:00

"I may appear to be free
But I'm just a prisoner of your love
I may seem alright and smile when you leave
But my smiles are just a front
I play it off but I'm dreamin of you
I'll keep my cool but I'm fiendin

I try to say goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near ."
--Macy Gray.

Deff in my top 10 favv songs of all time.
Wht happened to this chick anyways??

"I blow bubbles when you are here..." =]

Melt In Ya Mouf #8

2009-04-08T22:01:00.000-07:00

While walking past a mirror,
I saw your sweet reflection.
I ran and hugged you until the glass
s h a t t e r e d
Into my arms.
Your memory bled down to my fingertips.
I tend to kiss the scars when I begin to forget
Your smile.

Love. Tianamonique.

Open Keys--*

2009-04-06T18:53:00.000-07:00

I’ve become elastic.
Stretching myself to every possible
Open key, yet my fingers are bruised
From getting caught in between locked doors
I never meant to cause conflict
But I somehow forgot how to numb the pain
So I have returned with open wounds
And expired bandages
Crying out for a cure to heal
These undeserved damages
The ones they left me stranded with
Those cruel open keys that promised
Me eternity
They read books but left the stories untold
Burned amethyst scars onto my palms
They forget to tell me how to read my own soul
Gained control because I was to naïve to believe
They would misguide me; those keys were thieves.
Stealing every pure part of me
I followed their trails with my eyes closed

And since I never really had a destination
A map was never needed; weeded through the roses
Like the thorns ain't left me bleedin.

I pleaded for hours for a key to unleash me.
Release me from the burdens that reflected
Onto my cheekbones every time I passed a mirror.
I never once cried.
But I fell everytime.
I was locked behind bars without commiting a crime.
A prisoner of a love that I could never find.
Believe me; I tried.
Tried to forget the memories that kept my hands tied
In heavy chains
But the truth always remain in clear view; so again
I am here.
Waiting for a cure.
My heart is sore
Im insecure.
And it is your open key that has me locked in so heavily
That if the door was open, I'm not sure
If I have the strength to walk
A W A Y.

Love.Tianamonique.

Melt In Ya Mouf #7

2009-03-29T14:51:00.000-07:00

I went to write a poem yesterday
But my pen had run out of ink
I then proceeded to
Strategically rip out my heart and
Placed it on a piece of paper.

It was the greatest poem i've ever written.

Love. Tianamonique.

Simplistic Complexities--*

2009-03-26T18:49:00.000-07:00

It was simple then, wasn’t it?
Fires have never been extinguished so quickly
And when your fingertips met my eyelids
The sudden movement caused earthquakes in my knees
You danced sweetly as we became musically
Inclined to each others mind
Never "Lament Over Love"
You spun me on your pointer finger
Till your laughter became a blur

Simplistically speaking, simplicity was peaking
Leaking simple stanza’s to make poetry look easy

The words rested freely, and I twisted them around
My dark hair strands, I wrote you [in pen] on blank pages
And you had several faces
But when it came time to fall in love
I couldn’t even erase it.

For me, love has always been prettier on paper
The permanence of the ink laced through
Thick veins of thoughts that never got named
Which, is probably the reason why love in
Reality never fails to taper.

I’ve become smitten by characters I’ve written
To the point that I’ve begun to compare my true love
To those I’ve created and sadly get upset
When his metaphors don’t get me elated

So an apology is belated I suppose; I’ve composed
To many love sonnets and my infatuation with romance
Has led me to no where
Alone, I stand cold with nothing to show but a few
Poems and maybe a couple verses
Straddling the idea that love can be drawn
From a hat full of abstract words, slowing putting them
Together to create the perfect ending
Rearranging them to make it sound better,
I’ve managed to fall in love with words instead of him.

Possibly trying to change him into the poems I wrote secretly
Hoping that the perfect lines can somehow transcribe themselves
Onto his tongue, so when he speaks I can hear the love
I slaved over for almost 2 full moons.

-Sigh-

I was truly hoping to rant about simplicity in this scribe
But this has indeed turned into another tale about
My desperation to be adored; nothing less nothing more
Again, failing at my mission to leave
Passion in my notebooks and carry on without it
Wishing I could have stuck with simplicity instead
Of demanding complexity
It is what I have become accustomed to.
Comfortably numb to the harsh jabs at my heart strings
I was never the muse.
Used to being refused of the love I so passionately wrote about.

But, I blame myself for the heartache, for I gave my heart away
The first time I read Hughes, Bishop, and Dickenson
So in all honestly it really should be surprising that I am slightly
Disappointed when it comes to love
Because Im used to being embellished by artists who shape my existence
I now know that you will never compare to, “Jukebox Love Song”, and
It is unfair of me to expect you to recite something so sweet into me
As my Langston once did.

It was simple then, wasn’t it?
There was no heartbreak in reading a good poem and
That was enough to keep me content.

*huge THANK YOU to those who took the time to read this piece. =]

Love. Tianamonique.

Melt In Ya Mouf #6

2009-03-19T18:49:00.000-07:00

I was feeling real pretty today.
Makeup was applied to perfection and I let my
Hair blow in the wind carelessly
My skirt twirled beautifully beneath my knees
And I swear I felt the sun kiss my neck
Then I heard your name dissolve in a strangers mouth
And as I attempted to swallow the thought,
I choked and realized feeling pretty doesn’t matter
When you’re not whole.

Love.Tianamonique.

*There is a melt ya mouf #5... but I'm keeping it to myself. =]
I swear I know how to count I swear!!

Just Sangin [Ordinary People]. :)

2009-03-17T15:04:00.000-07:00

Cuz I don't really have a life ++ I was feelin a lil down n whatnot "/
Sooooo here's singing blog numero dos.

Please disregard my crazy hair!! smh its always a mess when I make videos geesh.

BARE WIT ME!
ENJOY.

maybe you'll stay...maybe you'll leave... maybe you'll return.

love. tianamonique.

BTW: TO THOSE THAT FOLLOW; YALL ARE AWESOME =]

Because.

2009-03-16T20:34:00.000-07:00

I have said too much.
Though I should probably keep this to myself
I’ve let my foolish words crawl into the hands
Of someone unworthy so they have become worthless
Muting their meaning
Wishing I would’ve kept quiet,
Instead I flaunted my feelings
Exploiting my wounds despite
The salt poured into them daily
But I have begun to run out of metaphors
To cover up whom I meant this for

You claim I've said too much.
But it was you who never said enough

tianamonique.

Friday Night Groovin--*

2009-03-13T19:19:00.000-07:00

Who doesn’t love a dope melody?
Infatuated with moody blues,
Penetrating smoke risen jazz
Swirled up into melodic hues
Snap fingers, stomp feet,
Clap hands, whistles through teeth
The music is more than skin deep
Bob heads and close eyes
Go back to poetic rhymes
When dreams were kept is clenched fists
Hip hop bliss kept hearts alive
R&B masterminds took over spotlights
And green lights were constant
Flaunted the purity that once laced the streets
Pop- locked and lip-locked
Fell in love with the beat
Speak the secrets they keep
Weaving through the massive traps
They let seep through the cracks of
Dirt grazed sidewalks, get blazed when night falls
And let the melody consume you till
The boss calls to home and you’re still
Spinning on the dome,
Don’t get blasted when the bass gets blown
We’re reclaiming our own, taking what was
Ours to begin with, digging up the roots with
Shovels made of pure music.
Calling all muses to join hands and fuse this
Back together to complete the cipher
We’ve worked to hard to lose this.
This here is a movement, hit it hard like pavement
And wash away the current,
We’re headed back to the mouth of hip hop’s ocean
Going back to the birthplace; the earths face
Let the truth surface.
Grabbing her by the wrists, taking no prisoners
For her sake.
Fall back, sit back, and let the
Resurrection take place.

"While you rhyme about being hardcore, be heart-core. What is it we do art for?"--Saul Williams.
=]

Love. Tianamonique.

The Ninth Letter.

2009-03-11T19:07:00.000-07:00

Eye never knew such beauty
Wrapped in dark lace, how smooth was your voice
Eye felt the movement when we coll[eye]ded,
You looked deep into me and told me eye
Had been bl[eye]nded
Bloodshot to the core, in you eye conf[eye]ded.
You captured me in ways that eye was unaware of
Pupils d[eye]ilated, you penetrated voices through
Blank verses that eye read with braile.
Trails of rose pedals led me to your heartbeat
Crossing my fingers hoping eye found the
Right rhythm to your m[eye]nd.
And eye could picture you without hearing your voice
I wrote with invisible ink by choice
You've never had to see m[eye] words to feel them.
Feel me?
Eye felt you; even when my heart was closed,
Eye felt you close; almost overdosed on your lyrics.
You unt[eye]d the knotted sheet that blindfolded me
Disabled me to see, and though I lived in darkness
For a lifet[eye]me,

Eye have never seen anyone so beautiful.

Love. Tianamonique.

OMG HAPPY BDAY COUSIN =]

2009-03-05T22:41:00.000-08:00

Dang, where do I even start with this fool. haha Been through it all with you and have waaaaaay too many memories. Almost had to throw some fists, but you know at the end of the day it's nothing but love. Somethin like my other half and I'm thankful you're in my life. *silent dooooppee* Yu already know I love you to deaff and I hope ur 20th bday is spectac!! =D Luh you dawg!!

Insiderssssss :

-Public Speaking -- "CAN I GET A FUCKING CLOUD PLEASE"

[Still don't know how we passed that class.]

--Our "almost" two fights at school. lmao.

--"heard you got tattoos on your knees. dark circles. DOOOPE"

--Lame saturday nights. pshh.

--Intoxication. Nuff said lol

--Our "mens" that we been thru!

[happy we finally got some uhm.. decent ones haha yes decent]

--tattoooos

--"JAQUUUAAN!!!!" LMAO.

--the curlies. with the curlies.

--fat skinny girls whoop whoooop

--EH EH NOT THIS ONE

--"byyyyyeee" giggle giggle "ok bye =]" lmao

--Why did I get married.

BOOM

"SO GET ME SOME CALUDA AND MILK.. I'M TIRED AS HELL"

--New friends or what...?! hahahhaha

*uhm it goes on and on but bottom line have thee bestest birfday EVAA.

You already know we gna get it poppin when I gets back

++ Greyson better be UBER nice to you all effin day.

haha

LOVE YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU!

btw: ur bday is in tres minutos. ew ur getting hella old bruh. TWENTY?!

haha

"go be with ur twentyyyy -blink blink-" lmao.

ok longest post ever or what?!

OMG ONE MINUTE DUDE.

IM FINNA CALL YU RIIIIIII NOW

HAPPY BDAAAAAY FOO!!!!!! =D

She Sings Too =]

2009-03-01T19:44:00.000-08:00

Uhm soooo yah. Broken Hearted Girl... Beyonce. LOL.

Bored at home whoop whoopp

=]

love.tianamonique.

If We Met Again In Spring--*

2009-02-26T19:50:00.000-08:00

I was thinking

Maybe we could talk.

Sit on a wooden bench somewhere

And talk

About anything

If you have time

Start with something simple

Like the weather

Cuz there is a gentle breeze

That flows through your eyelashes

That reminds of me ripe strawberries and apple trees

Birds are singing in perfect tune and the sky is a pretty blue

[If that interests you]

There is something holy about spring

Maybe it’s the way the flowers bloom

I tend to talk too much, so feel free to interrupt

But I am engaged in your sweet smile and the

Way your kiwi eye’s light up

The sun must have been jealous

Never been to fond of love,

But this weather is impressive

And if I could be so suggestive

Could you kiss me on my collar bone?

Lauryn said it was the sweetest thing she’d ever known
And I’d like a taste of my own.

Did you know that your words glow?

You match this season perfectly

And I’m in awe of how well your hand still fits inside mine

And your mind is genius and I’d like to keep

Pieces of you in my pockets to kiss when

The winds hit my blushed cheeks.

Lust speaks whenever you pour out with laughter,

I’m sure you’ve heard of happily ever after

And I’m really not looking for one.

But I want a happily ever now, because after will be too late

So it would be great if you could just hold me

And maybe whisper sweet something’s into my ear

[Who wants to hear nothings?]

Because I am broken and you are the closest

Thing to glue that I can find, and I don’t expect you

To get it right the first time, but I would love to see you try

Than to remain in my broken state wondering if

Your spring could have raised me back to life.

Your summer gave birth to me once, so I was just hoping

That with winter gone and all, we could sneak to that place

When you uttered the most beautiful of words to me at

5:43 in the morning when the sun was becoming vibrant

And you continuously said “I dig you”.

Revived and alive,

I sang in your summer.

Yes, your spirit made me sing!

And now I’d like to sprang in your spring.

Jump with colors you painted along my bridges

I was just thinking.

If we could just talk..

Maybe spring would listen.

EYE.ELL.YOU.

--tictac.

OH HELLO SPRING.

SOUFSIDE/MILL AVE EEK. =]

2009-02-23T21:49:00.000-08:00

Ok so sunday we had a lil girls day. went over to thee soufside to get the nails did and had a HEATED convo bout rihanna and chris brown in the shop ooweee. Then headed over to PF CHANGS! oh yes that won ton soup is to die for =] anywhoo post is dedicated my lovess!

We so damn RECKLESS!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nails Did Propa. Mines be the long black ones whoop whoop =]

Just so hood. Soo hood.

JUST WOW. when zoomed in ; our faces are PRICELESSSSS. =]
Me ans Brit got maddd hops.. Camy? Not so much lmao.

No type of balance geesh

It said chase so we had to lmao.

FREEWRITE 2/20/09

2009-02-20T10:49:00.001-08:00

I am running so I don't feel as lost.
Running.
Into whirlwinds and mountains
Lands where
God rests his hands somewhere
Shoulders do not touch here.
I am running deeper and harder
Faster than my feet can carry
I am not as light as I though I was
And my heart is heavy with burdens
Running
To forget that I was once
Still.
I am unmoved by these events
And though I could shed a thousand
Tears, my cheeks remain dry
And the desert surrounds my eyes
I can see the wind blowing
I can taste the memories
Floating gently around my fingertips.
I want to remember this moment
Catching my breath
Pause.
Continue.
My life line is not long enough on my palms and it's unfair
So I am running to savor these moments
Stretching my soul across plains
And valley's
And islands.
Hugging the world with both arms.
Running
Running
Running
Till I see that these moutains
Are not as still as I thought they were.

love.tianamonique.

One Sorry To Go Please--*

2009-02-18T20:08:00.001-08:00

How much does your apology cost?
I may not be made of riches,
But I would spend an embarrassingly
Immense amount to hear that the seeds of your sincerity
Are beginning to take root
An apology that breaks down barriers to open seas
One that changes the rotation in which
The world spins
I would work over time for a month to
Hear your heart explode
Though sorry comes from in between your lips often
The clouds are laughing at you
Amused by the ignorance in which you speak
For sorry means nothing to the skies
It evaporates quickly sending feather like
Molecules into its ears, and then bursts with laughter
And you expect me to take you seriously?
The heavens are booming at your existence
How meaningless is the word sorry!
I’d work the graveyard shift
Walk with bags under my dark eyes
Sleep for 3 hours at a time
And make monthly payments; your apology is costly
But I’d rather be exhausted than hear
Some bullshit sorry that you came up with
When you thought of how dreadful life would be
If you lost me

I no longer want your sorry.
So if you have one prepared
I am not interested.
This routine is becoming old
And my feet hurt from dancing around
These insignificant lies
You keep deep in your pockets
Convenient for when you get tongue tied.
I want a permanent apology.
Not a temporary sorry.
One that lasts for more than ten minutes please.
I would pawn the lovely ring you embellished on my
Finger just to come up with enough funds to hear
Your heart bleed
Please do not return to me with excuses as to why you left
I don’t want to read that letter.
I don’t want one of your rehearsed speeches,
I have learned your
Lyrics by heart
I could recite them with my eyes closed and eloquently
Give me one of those impromptu skits that flow from the corners of your eyes.
Show me how your heart is almost as iced over as mine
Give it to me when I don’t need it, so I can nurture it until I do.
Give me my money’s worth.
I’ve always had expensive taste, so the price of your
Apology is the least of my worries.
I work hard for what I deserve, and I am quite
Certain a sincere apology has been well earned.
For all the verbal abuse I’ve endured and the
Deceit that you poured into small vases
The flowers have wilted.
For the guilt trip you tried to make work.
Yes, I deserve that apology.
But I have maxxed out my visa’s and
Apparently you don’t take checks.
My wallet is empty and work is hard to find.
So I am carefully packing my luggage and leaving
Your …

Sorry behind.

love.tianamonique.

**sry so long haha. i go from extremes huh? itty bittys to massive!

Melt In Ya Mouf #4

2009-02-16T18:07:00.000-08:00

He
Purposely
Stole your soul
Without consequence
Which incidentally
Led to the death
Of you common sense
Degraded yourself
When his methods
Became too complex
Over powered your mind set
So you had to settle for less
And babygirl

You ain't been the same ever since.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"love ain't supposed to hurt, i'm tired of seein you cry. don't wna see you cry no more. just wanna see you smile".

love.tianamonique.

--REAL piece in the workss lol sorry for these lil tid bits of my thoughts.. =]***

Now I'm Hott They ALL On Meh--*

2009-02-15T11:13:00.001-08:00

Went to the Cuddy Buddy Party for Valentines Day w/ Mike Jones. Woo.
Met with some old/new friends which is always good.
Squashed some beef and danced the night away.
Almost had to regulate ;; but she knew better.
BTW: Az is packed with celebs right now. pft. If only I was 21... hmph.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Our take on valentines day;; blah and eff it. =] whoop.

Valentines day waah?? EH EH. "I hate fat girls and dark girls. I can't fuck wit em. I'm too bomb."-- Li Li.

Whooop!

Thee Better Half.
Word.
The Vday Crew.
Whoop.

"BACK THEN THEY DIDN'T WANT MEH ;; NOW IM HOTT HOES ALL ON ME"

--YES.. I Was Singing Along. Mmmhmmm.

Welp this was my oh so lovely valentines day/night. Disappointing to say the least but eh.

++ He said nada bout that blog down there.. smh. *sigh* "/

love.tianamonique.

Dear Husband,

2009-02-13T23:13:00.000-08:00

Remembering the jolt of happy hips
Placed against cold walls,
Unlocking bolts with your sweetest key
Allowing you to invade the quietest part of me
And I miss breathing into you.
Writing love sonnets onto to fogged windows
Continuously running into infatuation
The headaches rang till dawn and
I remember dancing into sunlight
With you holding my waist gently
Placing short wisps of ecstasy onto my neck
Savoring the moments
When I couldn’t make out the perfect words
To say I love you because you were too brilliant
For any cliché love proposals

Many have touched and left. But love, your fingerprints,
Are the only ones that still remain injected in these veins
Mimicking sculptures, we made artistic poses while dancing to
The rhythm of our heart beats
To the realm where our art meets
We wrote prose’s on blank bed sheets;
And I believe in the spirit that possesses you
Which, is why I trust that every sound you make is religious

Still, your envious envisions make my ordinary words sing!

Cutting harmonious incisions to make my soul ring
Keeping similes close to scream when your name
Is too distant for me to catch
Pay no attention to the parallel lines I perfectly etched
And please forgive me for speaking to fast, but your love
Comes and goes so quickly, my thoughts can’t seem to grasp
And I collapse in your embrace and gasp when you invade the
Space in-between my heavens.

And though miles are spread vastly between us ;

I love and miss you dearly.

112 degrees.

Missing you on valentines day love "/.

I wish you were here.

Love always,

Tiana Monique Langston.

PRETTY LOVE ! --*

2009-02-13T23:02:00.000-08:00

Happy Valentines Day Loves =] Don't sulk toooo much today!

"We picked up little things from each other; random phrases, nicknames, and stupid habits. You have to admit, we changed each other."

" If you press me to say why I loved him, I can say no more than because he was he, and I was I."--Michel de Montaigne

"I love you. That’s my secret. No hearts. No pretty drawings. No poems or cryptic messages. I love you." Postsecrets

"Oh, please tell me about love. I never really understood that stuff. "--David Fonseca

"The best way to know life is to love many things." Vincent Van Gogh

"One of the hardest things in life is having words in your heart that you can’t utter. "James Earl Jones

"We loved with a love that was more than love. " Edgar Allen Poe

Love. tianamonique.

Melt In Ya Mouf #3

2009-02-12T23:56:00.000-08:00

If you hear a song and you begin think to yourself..
"I wonder if when she hear's this she thinks of me...."

I do.

I always do.

love.tianamonique.

Green Steps To No Where--*

2009-02-10T11:53:00.000-08:00

I Fell in love with your voice first.
Catching me off guard through wires that didn't warn me of its beauty.
Took over a piece of me that I had forgotten to keep hidden.
After your voice intoxicated me; I fell in love with your smile.
The very simple curve of complex muscle penetrated
A sensation that was resurrected inside of me.
After your smile swallowed me; I fell in love with your eyes.
Those beaming lights flashing “GO”.
Those poison ivy pebbles leaving me speechless.
After your eye’s stole my voice; I fell in love with your hands.
The caresse of them; the finesse of them; the best of them.
After your hands entangled me; I fell in love with your laugh.
That contagious chuckle that left my eye’s squinted and mouth wide open.
After your laughter warmed me; I fell in love with your soul.
Spirit so free; mind so clear; oh and your words soothed the roughest memories.
After your soul engaged me; I fell in love with ears.
Small and tender; you listened to every ridiculous thought I held and
Placed your hands out to me to help carry them further.
After your ears impressed me; I fell in love with your walk.
Smooth and confident; I felt proud to glide beside you.
After falling in love with every atom of you,
Every cell
Every piece of you...
there was nothing left for me to do besides...

....Fall.

love.tianamonique.

Tickles My Fancy =]

2009-02-09T23:18:00.001-08:00

I love how accurate this is. smh.

goodnight.

MELT IN YA MOUF #2

2009-02-07T17:42:00.000-08:00

Decided to cop me a new glock.
Words be the bullets.
Mouth; Trigger
Test me? Pull it.
Continued to swallow your phrases, but I couldn't control it.

They claimed it as murder and yes I wrote it.

--tianamonique.

boom.

LOVE IS OUTRAGEOUS!--*

2009-02-06T07:58:00.000-08:00

You practice the art of it.
Master the heart of it.
Take it one moment at a time
Letting the words consume your
Every molecule; ready to place
The contents of your heart
Upon his lap, pleading for him
To accept your gifts with open arms
Mirrors reflect the reactions you wish to capture

Opening your mouth wide for the “I”
Touching the back of your front teeth for the “LOVE”
Pushing your lips slightly forward for the “YOU”

And soon you’re speechless.
Letting out everything you’ve ever wanted to say
In a matter of two seconds and three words
Turning yourself inside out to bare your
Purest of forms; ready to explore
That part of him. Ready to let go of
Every vulnerable part that lives inside of you
Willing to step inside and place your clothes in his closet
Climbing that obstacle with your heart as your harness
Praying that if you fall; he will catch you in his smile

He picked your star out of millions; so shine bright love
Together your stars are aligned perfectly and for them to go unnoticed
Would be unfair; so let his eyelashes sweep the doubts
From your cheeks and lets his arms embrace every
Outrageous thought you may carry

Open your doors and if he decides to step in
Take his coat and allow him to caress every inch of you
Love overrides rejection always
Lay it across his table
His words may still be frozen so slowly unthaw them
Be patient and let your heart speak for itself
Cuz the words out loud may be to powerful for his soul to
Carry; and all words come with baggage.
The love is known but may be unspoken so
Don’t let a silent pause leave you broken
Men tend to resist vulnerability; its too potent
Continue to accept and to love and know
Your world involves and revolves
Around two stars that were
Written perfectly.
-------------------------

oh how I love finding inspiration =].

-shes fxcking outrageous!

tianamonique.

Maturity At Its Best--*

2009-02-04T08:31:00.000-08:00

We speak the same flowery language.
Using pretty words to cover the hidden meanings
Which is why I wasn’t surprised when his name
Was shadowed by lovely metaphors but
I read through each line effortlessly
Her heartache never failed;
Like braile feeling the words through my eyes
Finding within the rhymes how deep it really went
And while others view it as another poem,
Another majestic thought and nodding their
Heads at the artistic expressions,
I knew it was nothing more than an underlined confession

Allowing me to peek into stories that he left unrehearsed
And her thirst was quenched by my tears
Embarrassed to even claim I fell in love
He desecrated everything inside of me
Leaving me to clench my jaw in attempt
To hold in what maturity I had left
Ready to call out names and point fingers to blame
Breaking bones with memories lost
Cutting away small pieces of myself
She exposed every detail through
Similes and references
Emerald is way more than just a color

The symbolic phrases and poetic
Hazes she tried to faze me with
Only left me with a slick tongue to razor this

Leaving behind him and his sweet miss
Putting the memories into metaphors like
“I’ll always miss the air he kissed”
Putting the essence of all this into boxes
Capturing reality in fallacy
Seeping in the deathly venom she placed on my name
I heard only the revised versions
But her words put them to shame

And alas!

We.
Have.
Truth.

Proof written on lips that have sinned and sinned again
And though I may not be made of the most religious stitch
I do believe that karma’s a
bitch.
-----------------------------------------
"... consequence is no coincidence"

tianamonique.

January Hangover--*

2009-02-02T21:18:00.000-08:00

Woke up to a massive headache
Winter heavy on my mind
The deep sleep made me weak
And I awoke to an intensely cold reality
Still gone, I stumbled across a memory
It was sketched upon my stale sheets
Once again, reminded that I had waken up alone
January’s footprints left a sour scent
The secrets were still tucked deep into the closet
Behind the web made up of false feelings and pieces
Of curiosity, he whispered them to me often
Consistently reminding me of how intoxicated
I had become due all the hours I sat and waited
The faded magic that took over my thoughts
Ran on gold pathways
Leading me into a ditch filled with his smile
I fell for miles and at the bottom I found his name
Written in the mounds purposely humiliating my frame
And oh does he love to have his secret’s exposed; he’s cold
And could truly care less if his cover was blown
He calls to home, no telling where his winds blow
But the familiar glow was slowly growing
But I had become absentminded and
Unaware of where my beauty was going
And the reassurance could not have glued the broken
Words that fell from the corners of my eyes
Back to their normal state
For he continued to break the pieces that I
Had worked so hard to rearrange
Trying to make them look unfamiliar;
But he could always recognize my voice
But this morning I stayed quiet
Pursed my lips together
And bit the insides of my cheeks
He wasn’t going to hear me speak
So I took to my pen and filled up an
Entire universe
Burning holes into a million blank pages
Yes, I have returned
And yall my pen is BLAZIN!
--------------------------
Hello February =D

tianamonique. [hello my fellow bloggers!]

Dear Yesterday,

2009-01-25T16:36:00.000-08:00

"breath, write it all down in a noteboke and save it for us for when the storms dies down and the sun comes out and the laughter begins again" Nikkiblanco. She's a lovely soul. Check her out!

I shall return soon loves.

--tianamonique.

One More Before I Go.

2009-01-24T09:30:00.002-08:00

I've been deleted
Thrown away as a past memory
So when the once familiar steel
Makes love to the skin on my wrists,
My eye's water.
[With excitement.]
and I have returned to a
Mindset that I thought I had left in
My youth.
But this is just pain
And red never looked so beautiful, love.
You did this to me.
And now I'm playing catch up
To the world that you blinded me from.
Torn broken used and hurt.
I loved you full heartedly.
And now we've lost eachother
In the midst of being hurt.
deceit pain ignorance love.
Don't be fooled by the lovely pictures
Or the weightless words.
Everything is gorgeous
When the sun is lit
But when darkness falls and the doors close
Misery leaps into every crease on my skin
And I am left bleeding
Falling short of any of those
Pretty Pretty words you fed
So easily into me.
TO WE.
Im weak now.
The ink of my pen is gone.
I have nothing more to say.

You made me a poet.
You made me an artist.
And without you...
I am nothing.

forthetimebeing*

2009-01-24T09:30:00.001-08:00

I will not be writing anything.
sorry to those who actually care.
fuck you to those who should but don't.

--tianamonique.

MELT IN YA MOUF #1

2009-01-21T16:07:00.000-08:00

I'd like an extraordinary thought to go please.
One to make my mind sweat from running around
The limitless possibilities.
The infinite abilities
Of the mind to wonder ;
I want to explore those
Vacancies.
Fill me with
Intellectual abilities
Words need a home,
Willing to provide my dome as the vicinity.
Infinitely ; I'd like a thought that defys
The rules of gravity.
One that truly grabs at me.
I'm ready for your philosophies
And all of your sweet tasting
terminologies.
Im really not to hard to please,

Just one extraordinary thought will set my mind at ease.

--tianamonique.

ORDINARYPEOPLE*

2009-01-17T14:18:00.000-08:00

What a brilliant song that is right? Mr.Legend kills me everytime I hear it. To me, it never gets old. I mean seriously tho ;;

"I know I've misbehaved/and you've made your mistakes/and we both still got room left to grow/And though love sometimes hurts/I still put you first/and we'll make this thing work/ but I think we should take it slow". *sigh.

ah. makes me wna cry! inspired this piece =]

Enjoy.
------------------------------------

AS if the timing of your departure could not have been more damaging to
OUR commitment that we inscribed within our skin, we fell for
LOVE in a way that left passion dancing in the past and
ADVANCES fell quietly among your doubtless eyelashes so
WE decided to remain naïve. Forgetting the rule of give and
TAKE. And for the sake of this relationship we tried not to
SECOND guess but my voice turned bitter and together, we ruined all
CHANCES of an everlasting romance and
THOUGH sulking seems like an appropriate way to go about dealing with the heart ache
IT’S too unbearable to think of whose name you claim these days and I am
NOT the one to beg, but for the first time in ages I am believing that
A higher being will send you back to me and this just may be an impossible
FANSTASY but still
I hope you return soon, love, because I can
STILL feel your fingertips on the small of my back and I
WANT to tell you how much I do miss you and wish
YOU could understand how badly I ache and I want you
TO come back home, but I honestly shouldn't have had to ask you to
STAY.

--tianamonique.

=]

OMGNOTAPOEM?!

2009-01-15T14:18:00.001-08:00

On a not so metaphorical note... =]

There are so many things I would love to say and soo many issues I would ABSOLUTELY love to address but unfortunately there are feelings involved and,like most situations,I seem to be the cause of the ones that hurt and I end up getting tagged with the name of " THE BAD GUY". So with that I am attempting to NOT be confrontational even tho it's getting a tad bit out of hand and ridiculous. I will let it slide this time , but I must admit my tounge is getting quite irritated from being bitten daily. eh. && I bet if circumstances were different we could totally be civil but as of now, if I ever saw her... I would most likely catch a case.

Welp; Moving On..

The roomie [CAMY-O] and I are collaborating on a piece and I'm AMPED [been watching waaay to many laguna beach reruns smh] about it because I've never done a "CALLABO" before so it will be interesting and totally awesome. She's lowkey dope as hell so I can't wait for her debut =]

*TOP FIVE THINGS I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO IN THE COMING WEEKS
1.TAT #4! [Talk About Stoked!]
2.Learning to skateboard by an oh so clever pro. yes im learning to skateboard people!
3.Getting internet and cable at the new place!
4.MLK day aka Day off from work =]
5.Beating my bro in boxing on the WII!! [Get prepared BRUTHAA]!

I could go on buh whatever.. Im busy =]

--tianamonique.

BTW! Since we have not had any cable I've had to default to "regualar" tv and as of last night I was unaware of all the doctor shows!! omg why are there so many?!?!?! Geesh =]

*relationshipsareajoke.

2009-01-15T14:18:00.000-08:00

But Im Not Laughing.
Im feeling a little under the weather today...
Thanks to a little bit of heart ache and some crazy
accusations.
He will never understand the infinite love I had/have for him.
Enjoy.
---------------------------------------------
It happens between walking to the door and opening it.
The letting in part
The vulnerability that swims within each silent gesture
It falls among the part where we forget our father’s words
Claiming no man will love us more
It kills the most alive part of us
It is the swelling of tears that
Aches while we sleep
The moments of doubt that keeps our hands
In our pockets
It’s the misunderstanding part
The “it’s all my fault” part
The hoping and the praying
It is the staying part
Soaking our cheeks with black trails
Of unforgotten promises
The seconds, minutes, and hours of
WONDERING
Somehow losing a pieces of ourselves along the way
The walking dead, with half a heart to spare
To share with someone who has misplaced
Your name
Feeling un-pretty and washed down by a man,
Who claimed power as love.
It happens at 3 am
When you lose your breath for no reason
Because thinking of a love lost
Is so much easier than dealing with the pain it cost
It’s when you think you forgot
Then realize its 112 degrees outside
And you fall all the way back in
Killing time the way time killed us
We bruise easily
The women deprived of truth
The goddesses whose crowns
Have been shunned
Falling in love backwards
Honesty coming up short
And this is what sadness looks like on paper.
The little girl inside was dying
And I thought that he could save her
The brave her that I used to be
Suddenly to afraid to take chances
It happens when you lose your keys
The beginning of an endless cycle of
LOSING
Its when our knees turn blue from
Crawling back to be misused
Abusing the idea of being in love so hard
That we don’t recognize when it is
KILLING us
It is then when you realize
Love is so much bigger than us.

--tianamonique. && I won't say it but you know I do.

Love Affair With Words.

MIYM #25 ?

When The Beginning Ends .

August Confession.

July Verdict .

May Murderer.

April PoeTree's.

March Ingon.

February Celebration .

January Whatever.

December Revolutions.

November Rebirth.

October Remedy.

September Indigo.

Storytellers.

Bye You.

Secrets.

MIYM #22

Nobody Is Bulletproof.

MIYM #21

Beautiful Feat. Jill Scott.

MIYM #20

I Be Nine.

Sandpaper Walls.

Part Deux.

FREEWRITE 012410.

MIYM #19

The Hardest Part About Love.

Merry Christmas Guys!

MIYM #18 / DAY 3.

FREEWRITE 120409

Yesterday's Emerald Eyes.

And So The Story Goes..

She Is Coming Undone.

Lay With You

MIYM #16

He that lives in a glass house must not throw stones.

Pretty Girls Are Always Insecure.

Love On The Horizon.

Inside The Storm.

MIYM #14

FREEWRITE 063009

MIYM #13

Footprints Fade.

LOOKIE WHAT I FOUND =]

MIYM #12

youneedtohearthis.

Before Sunset.

MIYM #11

FREEWRITE 052809

Twisted Odyssey X Never Felt This Way.

Hermano Y Yo =]

Selahomamen.

Oh Hi =]

*SIGH*

Sex And The City =]

It Was A Harsh Reality.

The Well That Went Dry.

Melt In Ya Mouf #9

Hustle Hustle Real Hard--*

Family Looovee =]

My First Love Poem--*

Feelin Real Gray Today.--*

Melt In Ya Mouf #8

Open Keys--*

Melt In Ya Mouf #7

Simplistic Complexities--*

Melt In Ya Mouf #6

Just Sangin [Ordinary People]. :)

Because.

Friday Night Groovin--*

The Ninth Letter.

OMG HAPPY BDAY COUSIN =]

She Sings Too =]

If We Met Again In Spring--*

SOUFSIDE/MILL AVE EEK. =]

FREEWRITE 2/20/09

One Sorry To Go Please--*

Melt In Ya Mouf #4

Now I'm Hott They ALL On Meh--*

SIGH