FREEWRITE 063009

Twisted around assumptions, crying out for some type of escape. Losing the meanings, the truth, characters are written but their definitions are never defined, refined to the bone, it’s a cold world, and the winters are dark. Summers are lonely, spring is empty, and autumn changes all the colors of the spectrum. The leaves fall, the branches break, and what is left of truth, is dried and festering in sand boxes. The night’s lights shine through bleak skin, loving myself enough but still the air is thin, conforming to the reality instead of the truth. Bent bridges and seeing everything upside down, I need elevator arms to up lift me now. Somehow the roads are being shaped into question marks, raising doubt, raising reason, where is truth? Not the city, but the state of being. The state of knowing whether the proof is reliable; it is the truth that’s undeniable. Familiar faces reaching with stranger’s hands. They too have begun to turn into question marks, bending with memories that are faint and I’m beginning to wonder if they ever took place. Struggling to find the truth in love’s recollection, I search through the archives, hoping to find a scent of summer’s taboo; I know that I loved you, but I can’t find where it ever ended or why. The truth is hiding in mounds, yesterday sounds lovely when played backwards, I keep the records on a shelf right next humility, one of my favorite tunes, and then June plays the laughter that has been stained into living room carpets, it’s so hard to forget what you heart loves to remember. I know I need to accept the fact that I can’t keep you forever, but selfishly I keep your memory in queue, and when they ask me for my name I attach it to your last, not because I miss you, but because time is moving too fast, and I’m just trying to capture history before it becomes the past.

MIYM #13

Even if it is only one night
Strip me of my insecurities
Love the purest form of me
Make the floor beds cry,
And the bed spread curl
Place whispers on my neck
Hold me deep
Make it raw
Place our problems
On the nightstand and
Pick them up in the morning
This could be love.
But even if its not
I would still like to place my hands
Across your back
Embellish your name in high notes
Make music jealous
Even if it means nothing
Because I would much rather
Be lonely with you,
Than empty alone.

Love, Tianamonique.

Footprints Fade.

It’s so hard to tell time with the
Days coming and going. Now
Evaporates so quickly and sleeping
Only makes the nights fly. Clinging to
Fallen moments just so you don’t
Forget. Gone walks away slowly and
I can taste yesterday faintly.
How does one prepare for already?
Counting moments with dead rose pedals.
There’s no class that teaches the
Art of saying goodbye. Questions rising and the
Answers being swallowed by tomorrows
That never seemed to come through. Time always
Knows when to withdraw and then
Present itself when convenient and less
When appropriate. Snapping your wrists
To get the attention of a yesterday
Who must have forgotten how to say farewell.
Applauses come from forced kisses
Fallen upon cheeks that have become
A roadway for incomplete love spells
We become unfinished once the music stops
And I am of the Coltrane and Holiday kind
I have loved others but your now
Always overrides their then. Face beams with
Here and going stops when your
Footprints step upon its toes.
I miss you most in the mornings, though.
When the dew from the night before
Swelled upon your tongue
When the morning sun shined in perfect angles
Through my blinds
It was almost as if the sun asked
Your eyes to dance and you obliged
Speechless and in love, I often lost the words
To your smile [it was always unfair battle]

But I will not reminisce on days that never came
I will not play with memories that never happened
And I will never wish they had
Moments come when they are supposed to,
Never rushing and never late
Though I crave you still; I will not indulge in your
Yesterday

Love. Tianamonique

LOOKIE WHAT I FOUND =]

OLDIE BUT GOODIE =]
Dont think I ever posted this on my blog but whatev.. I was scrolling through my old word docs on thee computadora and found this piece lol throwback. =]

ALGEBREEZIE4MAHMEEZE.

You are my math.
My hardest subject.
Perfectly calculated to be as difficult as humanly possible
So I put off doing homework because this doesn’t make
Sense to me.
[yet it could be so easy if I got tutoring]
You, built upon formulas, are complicated
And I am trying to comprehend the math of you.
Trying to prove with theorems,
Trying to solve this equation.
you²+me²=see²
but our vision is impaired,
blinded by the erase marks from
our consistent mistakes.
There can only be one right answer,
Maybe it doesn’t live within me.
Thinking with math is pointless and useless
Cuz I used the right side of my brain,
You have given me reason to doubt my theory.
You are my “X”
The variable I am trying to solve for.
WHY? = EMCEE²

You spit,
But I can’t fit your lyrics into my
Equilateral.
The area is to complex.
Still, the mathematics of the problem no longer matter.
You are my vertex, my center.
My square root.
And regardless of the equation, the answer is always,
You.