Bye You.

We met in shallow waters.

Under silly circumstances.

Swimming was never an option,

But floating was effortless

In your rivers, and streams.

I drank from your thoughts

And lived off of the idea of love.

I jumped off diving boards to reach you.

Penetrating through currents

I knew my small frame could not handle

But your face

Always kept my heart at a steady pace

Lacing rocks with your smile,

Until you were a blur.

A melody that I held my breath for

You were the air that I always ran out of.

Gasping for a piece of sanity.

Raising my head above water

Only to find out that I

Was still drowning in your memory.

We hit rock bottom.

Plummeted to the deep end.

You never taught me how to swim.

I attempted but failed.

Sailed alone.

Cold, I shivered my way through love

Pretended you were the beach,

I dreamed of.

Palm trees and coconuts and open blue skies.

Seas painted with

Picassos's brush; The rush of waves

Against our skin.

I imagined sand between my fingers

And you holding shells up to my ears

Asking if I could hear the ocean yet.

I thought

That if we could just make it.

If we could surf the waves,

If we could survive the currents,

We would come out alive

And in love.

But instead; I bled.

And you were the shark.

And you bit me till I fell apart.

Nothing left but bruises and

Half a heart.

So i'm back at the start.

In these shallows waters.

Too afraid of the deep end;

Because I was never taught how to swim.

Catching my breath from the currents

That rocked me to sleep.

Here I am; heart locked

Sitting with my feet dangling from the dock.

Skimming emerald rocks,

Tears flooding as I watch

You fade away; because we got lost.

And Im on a mission to find me again,

So as we say farewell my friend.

I say hello to me at the bayou.

Love, Tianamonique.

Secrets.

I've been holding secrets.

Placing them in boxes

And locking them with

Poison filled kisses.

Hiding from the truths

That my tongue shuns.

We speak, only through memory.

Stilled moments of

Yesterday's grin are dim,

But lively.

They sing with tomorrow's hope.

Tying my thoughts with rope

Stringing them together

Until they make sense.

I'm not looking for answers.

I'm just searching for progress.

Trying to untangle this mess.

Suppress these feelings of being useless.

Jumping through hoops of regret

Running on heated coals

Forgetting my mission,

Misplacing my goals.

Unfold my heart and you'll find

A beaten soul.

Misery loves company,

But I prefer to be alone.

So I build walls around

Secrets.

Chained emotions.

Prisoned tears that flow

From my heart's ocean.

Days run wild.

Moments move in slow motion.

Anything I thought I remembered,

I've forgotten.

But I find myself reliving moments

That make their way back

To my silent hours.

Moments of slow breathing.

And love dealings.

And scars healing.

I know they existed as much as

I know my heart's beating.

And I am tired of these ill feelings.

Creeping from the ceilings of

My past.

Casting shade on my reflection.

Causing me to avoid mirrors.

But I am ready to face myself now because

I know that love is not doomed forever.

And I know that life moves on.

And I know time is not promised.

And days are no guarantee.

I am washing away

These dark ashes from my palms

And folding them together to pray

Onto someone, anyone willing to listen.

I will not ask for a miracle.

But I will ask for forgiveness and wisdom.

I'm awake

Fully aware of my mistakes

Taking small steps back to happiness.

Taking back the pieces that

I naively gave away

Rearranging the puzzle.

Solving the riddle.

Find the missing key.

Untying the knots.

Exposing the thoughts

That i've held captive.

Letting them go and

Catching up to the life i've missed.

Avoiding those

With a vendetta against getting better.

Moving forward.

Pressing play.

Pausing only to catch my breath.

Remember love in it's purity.

Sing songs, and write poetry.

I will begin to live and I promise

There will be no more secrets.

Love, Tianamonique.

MIYM #22

There was a once upon a time.

There was a prince charming.

There was a damsel in distress.

There was a villain.

There was magic.

There was a climax.

There was an ending.

We had all the contents.

But there was no fairy tale.

There was no moral to the story.

They don't tell us what happens

When happily ever after

Never comes.

Love, Tianamonique.

Nobody Is Bulletproof.

We hide our scars to keep from looking weak.

Quickly stuff them in our pockets when we hear our names called.

Keep them in the closet when going out.

The ability to bleed is a curse, and when love comes around,

We hide them in our purse.

We are the wounded.

The ones with damages; with caution tape around our mouth's.

We are the fragile.

Shattered bones lined within burned notebook pages and

Memories stained with bloodied scars.
The cuts and the bruises that we don't allow to be shown because we are too embarrassed

To admit that we bled.

Piles of regrets have been pushed under the rug,
We walk by them with our eyes swelling; but they never notice.
They never see this.
They can never see the light dimming from our smiles.
Never take the time to realize they are the ones that made us this way.
Words spilling from venomous teeth,
Gripping onto the tip of my tongue,
Hanging by poisonous thread.
Eyes that tell a million lies.
Crying in the middle of the night.
Awakened by dreams that have turned into nightmares.
Bare skin cut to the core.
The pieces remain cold on the floor.

I thought by now these bullet holes would close.
But no.
They cease to heal; refusing to remove the burning feel.
I can't cry because the salty tears would trickle down my face and
Leak into the bullet wounds.

I'll scream out names that I know will never be heard.
I will scream in pain until I find a cure.
This frame has been unsecured for many moons.
I lose the battle with myself every time I say that I am ok.
That this is just a phase.
These are just moments.
Temporary lack of strength.
The words linger within every inhale and exhale I take.
And with every dying heartbeat; my rib cage is beginning to break.

Creating a war in my bed; fighting battles in my head

Me against everything I believed in; I have yet to win.

But this is not about love.

This is about being unloved.

And this is not about heartbreak.

This is about broken souls, broken promises, and broken faith.

And this is not about you.

This is about me.

This is about the unforgettable and the unforgivable.

And this is not about hate.

This is about resent. This is about regret.

We are not victims. We are wounded.

We are the evidence that there are silent murders. Quiet assassins.

I will not blame. I will confess.

I am waiting for my bulletproof vest.

Waiting for the moment where I can walk these streets without taking bullets to my chest.

And I can, at last, put these tears to rest.

Love, Tianamonique.