Bye You.

We met in shallow waters.

Under silly circumstances.

Swimming was never an option,

But floating was effortless

In your rivers, and streams.

I drank from your thoughts

And lived off of the idea of love.

I jumped off diving boards to reach you.

Penetrating through currents

I knew my small frame could not handle

But your face

Always kept my heart at a steady pace

Lacing rocks with your smile,

Until you were a blur.

A melody that I held my breath for

You were the air that I always ran out of.

Gasping for a piece of sanity.

Raising my head above water

Only to find out that I

Was still drowning in your memory.

We hit rock bottom.

Plummeted to the deep end.

You never taught me how to swim.

I attempted but failed.

Sailed alone.

Cold, I shivered my way through love

Pretended you were the beach,

I dreamed of.

Palm trees and coconuts and open blue skies.

Seas painted with

Picassos's brush; The rush of waves

Against our skin.

I imagined sand between my fingers

And you holding shells up to my ears

Asking if I could hear the ocean yet.

I thought

That if we could just make it.

If we could surf the waves,

If we could survive the currents,

We would come out alive

And in love.

But instead; I bled.

And you were the shark.

And you bit me till I fell apart.

Nothing left but bruises and

Half a heart.

So i'm back at the start.

In these shallows waters.

Too afraid of the deep end;

Because I was never taught how to swim.

Catching my breath from the currents

That rocked me to sleep.

Here I am; heart locked

Sitting with my feet dangling from the dock.

Skimming emerald rocks,

Tears flooding as I watch

You fade away; because we got lost.

And Im on a mission to find me again,

So as we say farewell my friend.

I say hello to me at the bayou.

Love, Tianamonique.

Secrets.

I've been holding secrets.

Placing them in boxes

And locking them with

Poison filled kisses.

Hiding from the truths

That my tongue shuns.

We speak, only through memory.

Stilled moments of

Yesterday's grin are dim,

But lively.

They sing with tomorrow's hope.

Tying my thoughts with rope

Stringing them together

Until they make sense.

I'm not looking for answers.

I'm just searching for progress.

Trying to untangle this mess.

Suppress these feelings of being useless.

Jumping through hoops of regret

Running on heated coals

Forgetting my mission,

Misplacing my goals.

Unfold my heart and you'll find

A beaten soul.

Misery loves company,

But I prefer to be alone.

So I build walls around

Secrets.

Chained emotions.

Prisoned tears that flow

From my heart's ocean.

Days run wild.

Moments move in slow motion.

Anything I thought I remembered,

I've forgotten.

But I find myself reliving moments

That make their way back

To my silent hours.

Moments of slow breathing.

And love dealings.

And scars healing.

I know they existed as much as

I know my heart's beating.

And I am tired of these ill feelings.

Creeping from the ceilings of

My past.

Casting shade on my reflection.

Causing me to avoid mirrors.

But I am ready to face myself now because

I know that love is not doomed forever.

And I know that life moves on.

And I know time is not promised.

And days are no guarantee.

I am washing away

These dark ashes from my palms

And folding them together to pray

Onto someone, anyone willing to listen.

I will not ask for a miracle.

But I will ask for forgiveness and wisdom.

I'm awake

Fully aware of my mistakes

Taking small steps back to happiness.

Taking back the pieces that

I naively gave away

Rearranging the puzzle.

Solving the riddle.

Find the missing key.

Untying the knots.

Exposing the thoughts

That i've held captive.

Letting them go and

Catching up to the life i've missed.

Avoiding those

With a vendetta against getting better.

Moving forward.

Pressing play.

Pausing only to catch my breath.

Remember love in it's purity.

Sing songs, and write poetry.

I will begin to live and I promise

There will be no more secrets.

Love, Tianamonique.