... because of the monsters under my bed .

eyes swollen from

carrying the weight of

heavy tears.

nights swallowed by

the hauntings of ghosts

that aren't too friendly

misery likes to host

parties in my closet

and dance till the day is done

with my skeletons .

i've had monsters 

living underneath by bed

since i can remember

but those childhood scares

could never compare

to the deafening blares

of my dark nightmares

you could never survive them

you would drown in the 

melancholy records that spin

on the tongues of

hopeless romantics.

my last love was a savage.

i guess you can say

i've always been attracted

to danger.

infatuated by the thrill.

the villains always seem

to want to love me.

its true 

they see an innocence in me

that they lack

and wish they could get back 

so they try to destroy it

before it destroys them

because memories kill

and reminiscing is suicide

so i find myself in these

tangled webs of wanting to love

and wanting to run.

serial killers like to watch

their victims suffer

and if pain is love

than i've been smothered

but these days

my skin is a little rougher

my heart is a little tougher

and all the demons

that have always haunted my dreams

are slowly beginning to look like

beautiful angels.

you would think i'd be afraid

but i've been conquering monsters

since i was little and they were

hiding underneath my bed . 

your fangs do not scare me.

love - tianamonique

Airplanes & Coffee Cups .

We met when the turblance
Was at it's worst.
The seatbelt sign was blinking
And I was terrified.
Roller coasters never
Really frightened me
And I've always wanted to go sky diving
But doing anything broken hearted
Is dangerous and im famous for
Being reckless
So there I was.
Alone and helpless.
I just wanted to get away.
To break away from the daily routines
My naive heart refused to let me leave behind
Running to find
Myself again.
And the takeoff was always the easiest part.
The liberating feeling of leaving,
Instead of the tragic reality of being left.
The moment of knowing everything is going
To change instead of reminiscing
On things that have remained the same.

But then [like always]
There's that moment.
That one moment where you're sitting in your seat
Staring out of the window,
Passing frosted tip mountains,
Inhaling the heavenlike view,
Where you start to doubt your next move
When you start to question the unknown
And all you want to do is resort back to
Your comfort zone.
And all your thoughts start to shatter into
A million pieces in the palms of your hands
And the heavenlike view begins to turn dark
And the seatbelt light turns on
And you enter panic mode.
This is where I met you.
And I remember you smiling.
Laughing at my agony,
I hated you.
So calm.
So collected.
And it was here when I couldn't tell
What I was more afraid of.
The turbulance of my past,
Or the tranquility of my future.
And I think you knew, but still you questioned.
And I showed you my scars.
Spilling my darkest love tales in the middle
Of a strangers lap.
The same stranger who was strangely
Untangling the mess my heart strings had created
In the meiddle of my chest
Not only did you listen
But you healed [without knowing]
The most ruined part of me.
And not once did you look
At me differently.
Always understood,
And never made excuses.
You made me feel safe.
While my world was falling apart
You kept my sanity sane.
Continued to remind me what it
Was I needed to do,
And made sure I knew.
And with mascara running down my cheeks,
And my red eye's blaring,
You made me feel beautiful.
Without touching.
Without love.
Without sex.
You did it all with just your presence.
And after my panic attack had ceased,
Coasting quietly to the next chapter,
You continued to satisfy my thirst
For love,
And it make me feel uncomfortably still.
And I didn't want you to leave,
Because that would only further prove
My point of being left.
But I knew eventually we would have to land,
And as soon as our feet touched
The solid ground,
We would be changed.
You took my hand,
And I didn't even realize when the
Seatbelt sign went off,
And we were allowed to use electronics,
But there is no technology in the world
That could have predicted this beautiful
Conviction that you had sparked in
The turbulent waters of my heart.
We landed and to my surprise,
We were going in the same direction,
This when you asked me,
If I would like join you
For a cup of coffee.

Love, Tianamonique .

MIYM 27 .

plenty have come and gone.

their footprints are engraved
In muddied waters.
Their scents leave trails
To despairs mouth
Kissing misery.
With snakelike tongues
The beginning has not begun.
Held hostage by memories
That replay like brilliant
Movies.
Moving in silence.
We cast spells on mortals.
This is not human,
but it’s worth it.
Building bridges and
Burning the hinges.
Here, sins are rewarded,
And saint’s are not forgiven.

Love, Tianamonique.

RAH. [The Unanswered Questions]

The words evaporated into thin air
Like magic
Disappeared before I could even speak them
I wanted to cry
But you walked away
Before I could say goodbye
That was the moment time stopped
And the clouds shed tears
And all the flowers wilted
And the winds stopped breathing
It was the day thatlove stopped believing.
You were the chosen one,
Didn't you know that?
Didn't you know you were a hero?
How many hearts depended on you..
How many hearts you broke.
You failed.
Not only me, but us.
Put trust in your hands
And you betrayed it by
Washing them in dirt
Forgetting your purpose
You were supposed to return
Supposed to come back for me,
And don't you know I waited?
How many full moons I counted in your absence.
How many men tried to fill your shoes,
Pretending to be you.
With their silver armour blinding the truth.
And their fabricated war stories.
But their eyes always lied
And their hands didn't feel the same folded in mine.
I know we didn't have a fairytale,
And I wasn't expecting a happily ever after,
But we had history love,
Don't you remember?
I couldn't have made up
All those nights spent
Singing revolutions into
Blank skies.
Or the kisses shared inbetween
Provacative conversations,
Or smiles sent across
Oceans
Spread vastly between us.
I know it was not a dream.
And I want to remember you the same.
As the same man in the frame,
But my how we've both changed.
It's strange.
I always thought that looking back
Would make me remember,
But all it ever does now
Is make me want to forget.
Because we have scars now that cannot be replaced
And we have wounds that can
Never be erased.
We've both seen how this ends,
And it aches.
This is what happens when heart's break.
And you never offered to pick up the pieces,
Did you my love?
You were busy.
Preoccupied with the battles your were facing
In your own world.
I tried to make excuses for you, you know.
Change my number and
Told people that you just couldn't reach me.
I would say that you were coming back,
Any day.
Any minute.
Any second
And they would nod their heads knowing
That I was holding in hard tears in the
Back of my throat
Knowing that my hopes were useless,
Because everyone knew besides me,
That you would turn into nothing more
Than a memory.
And now look at us.
Two chapters that are no longer
In the same book,
Binded by words written in two different languages.
And I don't understand you anymore.
Your dialect's transformed.
Conformed to the male ego,
You were never satisfied, were you?
And it wasn't that I didn't have the beauty,
And it wasn't that I wasn't smart enough,
And it wasn't that we didn't have the chemistry,
You were just lost.
And me thinking I was your destination
Is where the road stopped.
You traveled distances in search of your happiness,
When in reality,
I could have shown you the way,
If you would've just let me,
But you went astray,
And found yourself a home in the unknown.
A place where I cannot follow.
A place where my name is not relevant,
A place where you are not mine.
But I hope someday,
In another life maybe,
You remember your way back to forever,
Because we almost had it this time,
Didn't we?

Love, Me.

MIYM 26 .

In case you were wondering,
I still have all my pieces.
They're a little bruised,
And a little confused,
But they're all still here.
Intact and surviving.
So even though you thought
That what you did would break me,
It didn't.
But I love you for trying.

While You Were Gone .

Getting lost in this newness feeling.

Being completely drown in

These happy dealings.

Stealing my doubts and throwing

Them back to my broken past.

And even if this doesn't last,

I'll always appreciate your ability to make me laugh,

And smile for no reason.

And sing love songs in the shower.

I'd kiss you for hours

If you let me .

Drunken Valentines Day Poem .

I want to write something for someone.
And I want it to mean something.
Like.. I want the words to become a disease
That they don't want a cure for.
I want the letters to become an annoyance
That they love to hate.
Or hate to love.
Whatever.
And I want them to inhale it.
Want them to roll it up, take a hit
Then pass it back,
Just so we can be on the same level.
And I want the cups to fill.
Pour love into wine glasses
And drink till the night becomes a blur,
And I want to dance.
In slow motion
To music that does not exist
And I want the last kiss
To be the first one that matters.
And then I want curl into a ball
And let his arms caress the smallness of me.
And I want to look up and find him staring at me
And then I want to pretend like I don't like it
So that he turns away,
Just so I can stare right back.
And I want to sing to him.
Anything he wants.
His personal jukebox.
Hum my heart's secrets.
And then I want him to say he's tired.
So I can grab his hand and lead him to the bed.
And then well..
I want what happens next to happen in the most
Desirable, and unforgettable way.
I want him to reminisce about it later,
And tell his friends that he can't even describe it
Because we wrote it
And nobody else would understand the jiberish
Written within those bed sheets.
And I want to wake him up in the middle of night
With a short kiss on his temple,
And he'll blink his eyes and wrinkle his nose
Like its midday and the sun is shining through the windows
But it'll be just me,
And him and there won't be any love,
Just passion.
And we'll pretend like tomorrow doesn't exist
And just relish in the moment.
And then when we wake up,
He'll kiss me on the cheek.
And i'll smile,
With my eyes still closed
Because waking up from this dream would be
A nightmare.
And I promise to make the moment last as
Long as possible.
Even if it's only for one night.
And I promise not to make it a big deal.
And I promise that tomorrow
When every thing goes back to normal,
And reality sets in,
And the worlds harsh truth's are coming at with
Their broken promises,
And all the memories start to play on the
Screen.
I promise
That I will remember the night as it was.
Perfect.
And that's it.

Love, Tianamonique.

MIYM #25 ?

I guess you can have your ring back now.

It doesn't mean anything anymore.

I've spent the last five years

Staring at the promises you never kept

When you gave it to me

The future was brighter than

The middle diamond

You promised.

But I know now that promises are broken.

And hearts are never healed.

And time doesn't do shit but make it last longer.

So take your ring back.

Let the weight fall on your palms

The ones you used to cup

My face with when we kissed

That ring will not be missed, I swear.

So take it back.

Your love is no longer needed.

Love, Tianamonique

When The Beginning Ends .

Its like..

All I want to do is fall asleep

Like I used to.

When the sound of your breath

Hitting the back of my neck used to

Hum me into the sweetest of dreams

And I just want to wake up

Like I used to.

With the morning sun

Hitting the top of your eyelids

Creating shadows of your eyelashes

Onto my cheeks.

And I want to walk like I used to.

When I proudly strolled next to your

Brilliance

Lucky to even to be in your presence.

I want to sing like I used to.

But somehow you stole my voice.

Or maybe it just disappeared after you left.

Or maybe it's still here, I just haven't realized it yet.

I don't know.

And that scares me.

Afraid of forever being lost in this state of not knowing

Maybe i'm not even lost..

Maybe I just haven't been found.

Its like..

I'm trying to forget everything.

But remembering nothing.

And feeling something that I used to know

But anything numb's me.

So I intoxicate the veins

And poison the brains

And kill the pains.

Because falling out of love is insane.

And I blame

You.

It's like…

I'm holding hands with yesterday

Trying to pretend like it's beautiful.

Closing my eyes and seeing all

The good scene's play and skipping all the

Part's where we slammed doors,

And killed each other's souls

You remember .

The way the lies crept

Underneath carpets

Into the bedsheets

Where we sinned night after night

Serpents with bright red apples

We ate them without shame

I blame you.

For everything.

And sometimes I feel bad about it

But it's like…

My heart breaks everyday.

And I'm running out of pieces to give away.

August Confession.

To be honest; I never needed the sun.
It was you I was running away from.
And throughout this journey,
I've found myself.
And I am no longer afraid of the dark.
For that, I thank you.

Love, Tianamonique.

July Verdict .

I don't blame you, you know.

If I were you, I wouldn't love me too.

I'm complex and melancholy

And sometimes my heart travels

Faster than my mind

So i'm usually out of breath

For trying to catch up with lost time

Always blind,

Bumping into memories

I tried to leave behind

But you always remind me

Why I can't forget.

I always let you and your sweet smile

Invade the secrets

I was trying to keep to myself

You always did have a way

Of making transparency seem effortless.

And I don't blame you for not

Liking what you see.

My insides are probably

Ugly and scream with twisted

Theories and dark dreams

Sun beams are buried in yesterday's

Summer breeze.

Now everything is frozen over.

But it still feels familiar

The walls collapsing.

The tornadoes swirling.

The heart race climbing.

Yeah, I've been here before.

It's like a dream revisited

Except this time,

There are no good mornings

And no laughter.

I though that in coming back,

I'd find you.

With your crooked smile

And your pretty hands

Ready to dance in our memories

Ready to tell me the secrets

You've kept since you've been away,

But instead

I was greeted by misery's silent smirk

Dodging the harsh blows of fists,

There was noise,

But there was no music.

Did we lose it?

Our summer's always need too soon,

Those pretty June's and mindless July's

Memorized your smile and played it as

The soundtrack of our memories.

This may be the death of me,

Swimming to the deep end of thee

Unable to breathe, suffocating on tears

That your wrapped around my neck

But still I do no blame you, love.

And sometimes I even forgive you for

Stealing everything that was mine

All that time wasted pretending it wasn't you

When it always was

You stole my sun.

Every cursed name you called me,

and infectious touch you handed me,

And every lie you stranded me with.

You used words to hurt me,

And actions to give me validation.

The humiliation follows me in shadows.

Drowning in our story

We could've had happily ever after

If you would have just let me finish

Writing it.

Love, Tianamonique.

May Murderer.

He was built for an evil mission.

I forgot to listen to my intuition,

Slowing letting my guard down

He became my addiction.

That silent assassin,

His presence was magic

And he intoxicated my lungs

With his sweet scent.

We spent

Hours joking about revolutions,

And singing wars into the night skies,

Interlocking stolen kisses and

Penning promises onto unworthy tongues.

I knew he was dangerous,

I loved anyways.

He was stitched with a

Different type of needle

He was supposed to take my heart

And shoot bullets unknown to the core

Instead he sent fireworks to my empty world.

Bursting into flames, my heart

Didn't have enough time to shied itself.

Now i'm dusting off the melancholy I placed

Upon the shelf.

Catching my breath, it's hard to inhale

Knowing my exhale was once consumed

By your sweet smile.

Because now where there was once sparks

There are skid marks of a train crash.

I'm stuck in rehab.

Trying to comprehend where we got lost.

I lost.

I surrendered.

White flagged up, reverting back to December.

My revolutions are turning against me.

I saw the sun beaming in his pocket.

I just wanted touch.

But I held on for too long, my fingers got burned.

He knew.

He knew how far I'd wandered,

How many hours i'd spent wondering

And searching for what was mine in the first place.

He knew how many tears i'd cried in the middle of the night.

He knew my secrets.

And spread them across the table in front of everyone

That evil assassin.

He never did love me.

Killing souls was his profession,

And he murdered mine with ease.

He was a murderer. A silent assassin as I like to call them.

Slithering his snake like tongue down my throat.

Making me choke on every poisonous lie he so easily dripped into me.

And to think, I wasted my breath asking him to love me.

Love, Tianamonique

*I meant to post this last night.. but I forgot. Sue me.

April PoeTree's.

I've found inspiration in crazy places.
Tucked behind corners.
Fallen behind bed frames.
In between couch pillows.
It's all the same to me.
I remember sitting in my 7th grade algebra class
And writing my first poem.
Corny rhymes and short lines,
I needed a way to express the way I felt inside.
I found some in green eyed hues
A muse I held on to for many moons.
I created masterpieces with his prescense.
I wrote pages and pages,
Filling them to the brim with emerald metaphors.
He never did adore them, but nonetheless
They were his.
I found some in my great grandmother.
Though I did not know her well, we shared the same color.
And my favorite scent was her favorite flower.
I found some when I was fifteen.
Silly in love, he filled up my teenage woes
And my naive heartbreak tales all belong to his
Country accent.
I've spent hours scribbling silly words
and making nonsense out of nothing.
But these words are my very existence.
You can trace them down to my very core.
Follow the trail to my heart and you'll find,
Bishop, Dickenson, and Langston's smiles along the way.
I've found love in the stoke of pens hitting
Notebook pages.
Infatuated with similes and metaphors.
And it used to be a hobby; now it's a habit.
Writing down everything that my heart
Feels, and doesn't.
Sometimes they are drunken thoughts;
Most are sober dreams.
But it seems like my relationship with words
Is the only one that has ever lasted.
Love, and passion, and romance seem
To be to far from my reach.
But these words form on the tip of tongue,
Ready to be spit.
There is not room for love here.
Not in these notebooks.
Not in these thoughts.
And I am not sad, nor bitter
About the loss of will that I used to have for love,
For it has only grown my adoration for words even stronger.
Building this garden has not been easy,
But look how my tree's are growing.
The leaves are blooming beautifully,
And I am honored to call them mine.
Stemming from years of heartbreak,
They taught themselves how to grow in the dark.
Yes, even in my darkness days,
My beautiful words were strong.
They held on, even when I couldn't.
And look, as the sun makes is way back,
They are not phased.
And they remind me everyday, that even in
Those places of loneliness, and
Heartache, and neglect, and carelessness,
They will always remain true and faithful.
And I thank you.
I thank the inspiration i've received to make
These words believe in me.
And all I hope, is that I continue growing
Along with these poetrees.

Love, Tianamonique.

March Ingon.

I'm a soldier.

Salute me or get murdered.

Never cross enemies lines

Is what I told her .

Respect my queendom

If you want to keep your freedom,

I have this feeling of

Authority and i'm not sure where it came from,

But I feel obliged to keep

My heart in tact; beware of attack.

Thoughts hijacked by mistaken allies.

Forsaken lies; I will not compromise.

I see the boys and I hear the cries

They try too hard to hide.

But I told you.

I'm no longer your prisoner.

I'm the commander.

You demanded her; A battle I let myself lose.

But you lost when I let you choose.

Sing me your blues as I fall asleep

Next to someone new.

I've been waiting for the day for you to realize

The magnitude of what you put me through.

But it's time to move.

Running through the cluster of

Broken promises, and swallowing words that are stained

On the back of my throat.

I understand now that there was no remedy to be found,

Loving myself was the only antidote,

I coped well; considering all the lies these silent

Assassins tell.

Told and sold dreams with unraveling seams.

It's never as seems so be careful what it is you believe.

Fairy tales are fake stories, but I'm making real

Happily ever afters.

Capturing my laughter and bottling my smile

All the while fighting the demons that

Take over my silent nights, but this is a fight

I will not lose.

No more melancholy hues will linger around these walls.

Standing tall; suited up.

Shoe's shined and ready to regulate on those

Who hate.

Silencing the debate on whether not I'll make it.

Breaking through the curses,

I heard them.

They were whispers, but they crept

Up my neck and I could feel the chill

In their voices.

They used to speak so coldly.

I remember feeling so frozen from the harsh

Words of their winter tongues, but i've hung

Those up to dry in my spring like gardens.

What you think is hardly true, love.

I used to live freely, without rules, love.

Until you started creating them, impossible to

Oblige to.

I tried to; you watched me.

I failed you and i'm sorry.

But now i'm sergeant.

Taking commands from no man.

Forgetting the plots and the remedies

Taking shots at the enemies.

From now on, i'm defending me.

Never surrendering my heart

For someone who will ignore it.

No more white flags, this is war.

And i'm ready.

With my scars drawn and

My wounds open.

This is not my first battle, nor will it be my last.

But I have an army behind me.

The sunken soldiers, the beaten

Prisoners, the wounded souls,

The bloodied victims.

Here we come, murdering those

In our way of the sun.

I've had enough.

I'm tough, but this road has been rough.

And I deserve honors and medals.

So ad ease, soldier.

I'll do this with ease, soldier.

Watch me do as I please, soldier.

And maybe one day you'll become an ally,

Till then, let the battles rise.

Love, Tiana Monique

February Celebration .

They said they would let me go for good behavior.

Said I've endured the worst and it was almost over.

So I got to inhale sweet breezes.

And break through the stone my cheeks were in and

Form a somewhat decent smile.

I was free.

They untied me.

And I thought I deserved it.

Deserved star lit skies, and

Sun beamed mornings and nights filled with gold.

I deserved ruby slippers and yellow brick roads.

I put on my pretty dress, slid the straps

Over my heavy shoulders.

I painted my nails.

A pretty lilac color.

Reminded me of Minnesota summers

And my great grandmother.

I applied my makeup, slowly.

Filling in every line.

I was a queen.

Crowned myself with good intentions

And I overruled their evil one's.

I screamed in the happiest voice I've ever known.

Released the linked chains they

Kept on my ankles.

I was no longer their prisoner

And it was a celebration.

I placed pretty curls in my hair

And let the wind blow through the strands

Untied my hands and bent my fingers,

Dusted the dirt off my palms with a smile

They told me I was beautiful.

This coming from those who had made

Me feel internally ugly for months.

This coming from men who forgot our history.

This coming from women who once

Despised my name.

This coming from the one's I blamed

For my misfortune.

I've been trapped inside my own head.

The tears were bled;

Red and cold; I had become only skin and bone.

But now, there is a familiar warmth

A reminiscent glow from a place

I place I thought had disappeared.

The fear they placed in my eyes

Will never fade,

And neither will the scars that they placed on name

But it would be a shame to waste a day

Thinking I didn't deserve a say in my own happiness.

So i'm writing my own fairytale.

Creating my own happily ever after

Instead of chasing men that will end in disaster .

All of these inconsistent happinesses

Broken promises

I've heard a lot of this

The darkness is only what the light looks like

When it's sleeping.

But it's my turn to wake up.

These sleeping eyelids are heavy

But i'm ready and willing

To be happy.

There are things people have taken from me.

Emotions, and memories combined.

But I have never been left empty handed.

What they think they have taken from me

Is only a small fragment of what I've stolen from them.

And it may take a while until they realize

What is really missing; and it won't be me,

It will be their common sense.

For thinking they could keep in cages,

The thought enrages me

I'm now living dangerously.

Taking chances and forgetting about the past

It's a beautiful moment to see.

You could have loved me.

But you chose not to, and that is okay.

Because although your rejection was brutal

I know it wasn't truthful.

Lying to yourself to make you believe you don't need me.

And I hope for your sake you do not,

Because i'm leaving.

After months of putting myself through hell,

And being locked in that horrible darkness,

The sun is slowly making it's way back to me.

I'm putting my melancholy mask on the shelf.

And for the first time in my life, i'd like to make a toast

To my damn self.

CHEERS !

Love, Tianamonique.

January Whatever.

II guess they call this a new beginning.

And I guess I'm supposed to dry my tears

With last years handkerchief, throw it away

And pretend like the bruises on my heart

Don't exist and that the evil words that were spoken

Aren't still rotting in my minds closet.

Pretend like i'm not exhausted from running around

Stereotypes, and expectations, and love affairs,

This is unfair.

With the truth comes despair,

And i'm living in a constant state of misery.

It's filling me to the brim; even though the light is dim,

I can still feel him.

Breathing poison down my throat as he fucks and chokes.

Trying to cover up sins with jokes, blowing smoke to fog my vision.

It used to be so clear.

[I feel like i'm just rewriting the same thing

With new words and it's becoming redundant.]

I guess I was supposed to write something

That blossomed.

I suppose it would be nice to read something

Less dark.

Less dramatic.

Maybe some romantic shit.

Spit something light so your conscience

Doesn't ache when you read these lines.

I'm fine; I just have wounds that haven't been addressed yet.

Do you know what it's like

To have your scars on display?

I guess they say its pathetic and not poetic.

And I guess being yourself isn't what they're looking for.

And I guess that when you try to argue

Your way out of the truth then you're just a lie.

And why is that every time I try and convince myself

That this is how it's supposed to be, I cry.

I always wonder how many times you can die.

I guess heaven is supposed to be where it ends,

And I guess being a saint ain't as easy as the bible said,

So HELLo to lucifer, and the goblins, and walking dead.

Words are poisonous.

And they will eat away at your memories until

They are engraved into your skin.

Because they don't ever want you to forget.

So they leave reminders.

The shadows that we call love never fade.

You're never quite the same after you've

Experienced high volumes of pain.

So blame the boys with the pretty eyes,

And the ones with the cool disguise.

Blame the pretty girls who make funny faces

And blame the crazy chicks with tattoos; the nut cases.

Blame the photo's and memories.

Blame the rebirth and the remedies.

Blame music and the quotes.

Blame the self medications and home grown antidotes.

Because I said this was for the beginning.

But it's not.

It's just the same thing.

The same poem.

The same words.

And the same damn darkness i've been living in.

Breathing the love I guess I never earned.

I'm starting to doubt whether or not the sun was stolen from me,

Or maybe it just walked away.

Time is supposed to heal all wounds

And I'm becoming impatient.

I'm not saying my smile is fake

But these frowns have never faded.

These jaded thoughts are taking over

And love just isn't the same.

And where did the passion go?

Sometimes I feel like I don't want to be touched.

I feel violated by hugs and kisses, because i've witnessed

The ugliest relationships by touching.

Fucking is just rape with class.

Sex is shit to do to make time pass.

And making love is a thing of the past.

Because love never lasts.

Never will; never has.

Love, Tianamonique

December Revolutions.

Like snowflakes on the tips of outstretched tongues,

My past memories are disolving

Resolving resolutions; revolving revolutions.

This is how the beginning tastes.

Dance with open thoughts

And dream with doors unlocked.

We are the fearless.

And we're creating worlds with our words,

Painting universes with our verses.

Reversing the curses.

We're writing it in bloody cursive.

We're typing away the scars and erasing the pencil marks,

Bleeding away the broken hearts.

This is the start of something beautiful.

All this gorgeous ugliness blinded by ignorance.

We are the limitless.

They could have never written this.

Bliss enlaced with twisted minds;

There was never enough time to say hello

So we said goodbye and let our souls die.

Blind and deaf; our senses were out of tune.

Immune to cold nights, missing the chills that

Went up hopeful spines.

We discovered realms unknown.

We hold the dreams that deferred in Langston's poem.

Blown by winds that hummed us to sleep

During the nights when the wars kept our heads

Spinning like the worlds axis.

Taking the time off to sit and relax

It's important to understand our purpose.

We did not resurrect to conspire;

We're here to inspire.

Build pathways to minds that have seemed to retire.

Tired of the mainstreams; we're creating oceans to

Open dreams.

We're here to sew back the ripped seams

No more sympathy for those who play innocent like symphonies.

We are the epiphanies of your broken records.

And we stopped listening to your sad songs when

You got our characters all wrong.

We're the strong and the weak.

We're arteests

Speak new languages that we earned painfully.

We hold keys.

And you would not imagine the magic our

Pen's have.

This is the revenge of poetry.

And we're coming with pages filled

With melancholy ink.

This is what we have always wished to be.

Spilling pennies into waterfalls.

These childhood memories are

Beginning to fall.

Calling all poets; we will survive.

And will not compromise with the illiterate.

This is for the musicians. And the struggle.

This is for Lauryn Hill, and the rebirth of souls.

This is for tears never mentioned

This is for the overlooked and the taken advange of.

This is the virgins who's blood has been shunned

By men who thought sex was fun.

This is for the beginning.

And we are standing with our arms in the air

And our fists clenched.

We are the believers.

And even if the sun never shines again,

We know this is not the end.

This is for the beginning.

Because every war has a victory

And we are the epitome of a lesson learned.

And we have earned every single scar

We've ever written about.

We are not just crying.

We are spilling our souls because we know

Someone out there is listening.

And please understand that we hear you.

This is for Ashton.

The pure soul with wounds that have never recognized.

I will wrap my words around yours and we

Will change history.

This is poetry in it's purest form.

Sworn to secrecy; i'm spilling all my ingredients into your lap.

This is for those who's voices have been choked

By hands who provoked love but never showed love.

This is for the dirty and pure.

The confident and unsure.

We will soar.

Past the imperfections, past the accusations, past the mistakes and we

Will fly.

Love, Tianamonique.

November Rebirth.

My wings are growing back from being clipped.

My heart is rich and full of summer.

There are roses all over this place.

I'm finding that even in this cold space

And heartless world, there are still

Beings that make me believe in the seasons.

Makes me believe that change is not far from reason.

I was bleeding for so long but the wounds

Are not as apparent as they used to be.

I told you I would grow and this garden is blooming.

They doomed me.

And they cursed me with crosses wrapped

Around their neck's.

Pretending to be religious.

I was the prey.

And I lifted hands to sing them hymns

Only to be filled with sin.

They forgot how to pray.

This is where the resurrection inside of me took place.

I chanted prayers into myself begging a God to take me away.

And I know they feel the plague now.

They stole the sun from me, and they can't see the light of day now.

I hope my name whispers in the winter winds.

These days are lighter and I can feel

Sunshine in my skin.

I can taste summer's scent again.

And here it goes.

I'm running back to the the mouth of the ocean.

Heading towards the start.

I'm advancing to go.

Always shielding my heart, but open to fill it with

Autumns and springs.

There are things my psalms were holding onto.

Memories and venomous secrets

I always hid them well.

And only time will tell, if they were worth it.

I can't recite you any bible verses,

I don't attend any church,

And on Sunday's, I try not to curse.

But shit, sometimes my heart hurts.

And I can't tell you if God is a man or woman,

But I can tell you he or she exists in me.

And I was reborn because of the fear that they don't.

I reverted back to my methodist baptism.

Closed my eyes and felt purified.

This isn't religious, this is spirtitual.

You won't find any written rituals on these walls.

Tear them down and you'll see tears

Of unheard prayers and sinful years.

They called me a martyr.

Because I refused to beg for forgiveness; I was slaughtered.

I was running away from the fragrant memories of

Bloodied wrists and toxic kisses.

The hisses of yesterday's repent hung heavy

Around my fingertips;

Pushing it's winds in my clenched fists.

I'm fighting for myself even if that mean I have to reminisce.

It's creating a war.

Between my past and my sanity.

Insatiably melancholy; I was never the gospel type.

But these days my laughter is filling with church bells

And I'm remembering how to sing.

This is more than medallions enlaced with jesus' face

And this is more than rosaries as fashion emblems.

And this is more than tattooed ohm symbols.

This is the beginning.

And a journey of finding a self love that was locked

Away for a love scathed.

These bruises will fade I know, and

The rebirth of my soul will be biblical.

I move in yellow movements, no longer living indigo.

Those criminals are evil.

Sneaking fruit from forbidden tree's, still thinking they're holy,

So many adam's and eve's; these thieves may be the death of me.

Moving through streams of expectations and

Blind hallucinations,

Drinking wine and bread; forgetting what the pastor said.

Creating sin's in unwedded beds.

Isn't this what satan fed?

Feeling like i'm getting lost in a bible verse I once read.

All of these holy ghosts are following me and living in my head.

Tried to stay pure; sinned some more instead.

But i'm getting older now.

And it's amazing how far i've come from

Youthful insecurities, and chasing lovesick remedies,

I should have know then someone higher was defending me.

This is about believing in something, everyday.

And there is a power in me that I've missed.

I'm alive because Buddha, Allah, and Jesus exist.

I know i'm breathing for a reason,

How dare you call me atheist.

Amen.

Love, Tianamonique.

October Remedy.

Feeling a little less than empty

My heart is a catastrophe

Written in bloody ink.

And my words are heavy.

So if you don't mind the weight

Please continue reading,

If not, you won't find any apologies.

All i've ever wanted was validation.

That all this humiliation wasn't being wasted.

I'm getting lost in the basis of eternity,

Spilling my soul to make heartsick remedies.

You're killing me, internally.

And this is a love thing.

Sunken cheeks and distant eyes;

The result of being shunned and embarrassed of.

The fact that I wasn't good enough.

Too many questions unanswered.

The why's and why not's never faded

Untying the knots my heart strings created.

I need a change of scenery.

I need a change a pace.

Tired of these familiar places

I've been rearranged and no one has been able

To recognize my face

Or maybe it's them who have become the strangers.

All I know is that i've stepped out of my element,

My zodiac, my morals

To make other's feel comfortable.

And where does that leave me?

On a bridge ready to become a tom petty song.

You're trying to do right but you're already wrong.

You left me alone for to long with thoughts

That my heart wasn't strong enough to decipher.

The old me has died, you will never find her.

I've become the story you never want to tell.

I'm the shadow's, i'm a detailed farewell.

You'll see me in seasons.

You'll remember as a time of the day.

My smile lingers somewhere in a previous decade.

My spirit lays somewhere in an ex lover's bed.

I was massacred.

I was an experiment.

I was the lesson of what not to be.

And i've been taught many times, to women

Who now stand where I was next to men

Who were suppose to love me.

They shoved me into closets webbed with

Promises that were haunting.

Suffocating in loneliness and regret.

Feeling a little less than worthless,

[Yes, these words have been said before]

I've been tainted and jaded.

Picking up old habits,

Blood on my hands it's

Becoming a problem.

I drew you a picture on my skin

Using your razor blade lies,

Your sharp edged eyes,

I drew the demise you so brutally devised.

I'll show you the scars, my love.

They are deep, and unpleasant.

And please don't take this metaphorically

When I say that i've been bleeding horribly.

I've torn through every inch of my skin

Hoping to find the cure.

The reason, that you refuse to love me anymore.

Your rejection is like getting my fingers

Jammed in a thousand doors.

"But I don't love you anymore, I'm so insecure, never knew that love did this"

Badu sings my soul, lost control of my heart.

Unscrewed the hinges and fell loose.

But, I refuse to let this become a catch 22.

You will not be the disease and the cure.

My heart was pure before it met yours.

Corrupted it with unlikely dreams that always left me unsure.

Unsecured and immature, I was blinded

By my thoughts of what it was, went is wasn't.

I was misguided and a little used, love is so deceiving and he was confused.

He was caught in that small space where he realized that

How much he loved me wasn't has much as his want to be free,

So I untied him.

I guess I had confined him.

But we weren't living in the same box

Mine was filled with happiness, he only saw his as locked.

It's still a mystery.

Now i'm a mistress to his/tory.

Because it seem's like everyone's moved on

Except and without me.

Caught up in miser

Love is killing me,

But this is not it for me

I'm pulling apart ever fiber,

Every molecule, every atom.

I'm sciencing my way back to normalcy.

Because these thieves are not sparing me any sanity.

I said I wanted clarity; they left me darkness.

How could I not be exhausted?

He speaks so coldly; i'm frostbit.

We lost it.

But still I'll blossom.

And although my branches have been bent,

And my leaves have been crumbled,

And my pedals have been picked,

The seed's continue to take root

And I hope someday it clicks.

I've been wounded,

And I'm on the path to finding remedies,

He won't be the end of me.

I am still growing.

Without the sun, and without love.