When The Beginning Ends .

Its like..

All I want to do is fall asleep

Like I used to.

When the sound of your breath

Hitting the back of my neck used to

Hum me into the sweetest of dreams

And I just want to wake up

Like I used to.

With the morning sun

Hitting the top of your eyelids

Creating shadows of your eyelashes

Onto my cheeks.

And I want to walk like I used to.

When I proudly strolled next to your

Brilliance

Lucky to even to be in your presence.

I want to sing like I used to.

But somehow you stole my voice.

Or maybe it just disappeared after you left.

Or maybe it's still here, I just haven't realized it yet.

I don't know.

And that scares me.

Afraid of forever being lost in this state of not knowing

Maybe i'm not even lost..

Maybe I just haven't been found.

Its like..

I'm trying to forget everything.

But remembering nothing.

And feeling something that I used to know

But anything numb's me.

So I intoxicate the veins

And poison the brains

And kill the pains.

Because falling out of love is insane.

And I blame

You.

It's like…

I'm holding hands with yesterday

Trying to pretend like it's beautiful.

Closing my eyes and seeing all

The good scene's play and skipping all the

Part's where we slammed doors,

And killed each other's souls

You remember .

The way the lies crept

Underneath carpets

Into the bedsheets

Where we sinned night after night

Serpents with bright red apples

We ate them without shame

I blame you.

For everything.

And sometimes I feel bad about it

But it's like…

My heart breaks everyday.

And I'm running out of pieces to give away.

August Confession.

To be honest; I never needed the sun.
It was you I was running away from.
And throughout this journey,
I've found myself.
And I am no longer afraid of the dark.
For that, I thank you.

Love, Tianamonique.

July Verdict .

I don't blame you, you know.

If I were you, I wouldn't love me too.

I'm complex and melancholy

And sometimes my heart travels

Faster than my mind

So i'm usually out of breath

For trying to catch up with lost time

Always blind,

Bumping into memories

I tried to leave behind

But you always remind me

Why I can't forget.

I always let you and your sweet smile

Invade the secrets

I was trying to keep to myself

You always did have a way

Of making transparency seem effortless.

And I don't blame you for not

Liking what you see.

My insides are probably

Ugly and scream with twisted

Theories and dark dreams

Sun beams are buried in yesterday's

Summer breeze.

Now everything is frozen over.

But it still feels familiar

The walls collapsing.

The tornadoes swirling.

The heart race climbing.

Yeah, I've been here before.

It's like a dream revisited

Except this time,

There are no good mornings

And no laughter.

I though that in coming back,

I'd find you.

With your crooked smile

And your pretty hands

Ready to dance in our memories

Ready to tell me the secrets

You've kept since you've been away,

But instead

I was greeted by misery's silent smirk

Dodging the harsh blows of fists,

There was noise,

But there was no music.

Did we lose it?

Our summer's always need too soon,

Those pretty June's and mindless July's

Memorized your smile and played it as

The soundtrack of our memories.

This may be the death of me,

Swimming to the deep end of thee

Unable to breathe, suffocating on tears

That your wrapped around my neck

But still I do no blame you, love.

And sometimes I even forgive you for

Stealing everything that was mine

All that time wasted pretending it wasn't you

When it always was

You stole my sun.

Every cursed name you called me,

and infectious touch you handed me,

And every lie you stranded me with.

You used words to hurt me,

And actions to give me validation.

The humiliation follows me in shadows.

Drowning in our story

We could've had happily ever after

If you would have just let me finish

Writing it.

Love, Tianamonique.

May Murderer.

He was built for an evil mission.

I forgot to listen to my intuition,

Slowing letting my guard down

He became my addiction.

That silent assassin,

His presence was magic

And he intoxicated my lungs

With his sweet scent.

We spent

Hours joking about revolutions,

And singing wars into the night skies,

Interlocking stolen kisses and

Penning promises onto unworthy tongues.

I knew he was dangerous,

I loved anyways.

He was stitched with a

Different type of needle

He was supposed to take my heart

And shoot bullets unknown to the core

Instead he sent fireworks to my empty world.

Bursting into flames, my heart

Didn't have enough time to shied itself.

Now i'm dusting off the melancholy I placed

Upon the shelf.

Catching my breath, it's hard to inhale

Knowing my exhale was once consumed

By your sweet smile.

Because now where there was once sparks

There are skid marks of a train crash.

I'm stuck in rehab.

Trying to comprehend where we got lost.

I lost.

I surrendered.

White flagged up, reverting back to December.

My revolutions are turning against me.

I saw the sun beaming in his pocket.

I just wanted touch.

But I held on for too long, my fingers got burned.

He knew.

He knew how far I'd wandered,

How many hours i'd spent wondering

And searching for what was mine in the first place.

He knew how many tears i'd cried in the middle of the night.

He knew my secrets.

And spread them across the table in front of everyone

That evil assassin.

He never did love me.

Killing souls was his profession,

And he murdered mine with ease.

He was a murderer. A silent assassin as I like to call them.

Slithering his snake like tongue down my throat.

Making me choke on every poisonous lie he so easily dripped into me.

And to think, I wasted my breath asking him to love me.

Love, Tianamonique

*I meant to post this last night.. but I forgot. Sue me.