September Indigo.

I'm living but I'm not alive.

Where's the sunshine?

Did the run rise?

I feel it in my thighs.

The burning sighs in

The hallows of my throat

The deadened silence

Of my poetry ridden notes

Always coped well with loneliness,

No surprise that i'm alone in this.

Writing to get rid of this.

I hear the lies they hiss,

Blaming me for the missing sun,

Look at what love's become.

A chase around moon's and

Nights filled with doom

Misused and cold

Shivering bones, frozen like stone

And I can play guilty for only so long.

Bliss is what I seek,

Uncertainty is what I find.

A kiss upon my cheek,

It wasn't real so never mind.

Love and reality never intertwined,

Vines of self hatred, and cursed manipulations,

Tattooed vibrations, rehearsed defamation.

It was a brutal assassination.

Slaughtered dreams with no investigation.

You are the thieves; not me.

Stealing sunshines, and moon beams,

Left in darkness to get lost in.

I'm being held hostage

And they call me anonymous.

They say i'm their enemy,

An unknown rival,

Now i'm fighting for survival

Praying for revival.

They say i'm guilty,

When all I did was love.

The weight of feeling

As insignificant as humanly

Possible is so heavy on my tongue

That i'm biting the inside

Of my cheeks just to keep from

Going numb.

I have a poem written in my veins

Screaming to be read,

Feigning to be bled.

The bruised words left unsaid

Remain in liquid form

Spilling onto transparent floors

Is my heart still beating?

I can't tell anymore.

Intoxicated thoughts

And mindless dreams

Floating through

Insatiable seams.

Sewing together

Blank tears and

Hoarse screams.

Inconsistent means never

Following through.

And i'm through.

With wishing things from you

And them, and her and he

And we will remain strangers

Until I find some familiarity.

They say they hate me.

But the ones hated are the most sacred

And almost always underestimated.

Count our scars and you'll have

Memorized the constellations,

We deserve stars.

I'm going through these phases

Making drastic changes

I'm learning how to save this.

Keep them in my archives,

To look back on when I forget

How to be alive.

When the seasons start feeling like suicides

And hello's feel like genocides

I've been kissing black roses

Exposing my heart

To thorns and love potions

Bled devine devotion

Insignificant emotions

Flooded oceans of

Crumbling tears.

It is here that I realize

How incredibly beautiful lonesome can be.

Eyes swell like bee stings,

And mosquito bites,

And bruised lips.

But swelling is just a healing process.

A form of protection.

And i'm in need of body guards.

So my heart's building an army

Kill your sorry's; you're my quarry.

Murdering lies with no warning.

Because i'm tired of being disposable

People get close to you, then dispose of you,

What do you suppose I do?

I lust for some truth; some proof

That i'm not crazy.

That the sun was stolen from behind enemy lines.

They made me think that for one moment

I went that blind.

They thieved their way into making me

Believe that it was me.

My fault that my heart was shattered.

That my memories were fables

That the songs in my head

Were lies.

They made me suffer.

They told me I asked for this.

To live in darkness.

To be blind of reality.

And maybe that holds some truth

I may have said I wanted serenity

And quiet

And a little peace of mind.

I may have said that I was exhausted

From pretending to not be as broken as I am,

But never did I say it was okay for anyone

To steal my light.

To steal my fire.

They are liars.

Playing innocent because they don't know any better.

They twisted the story.

Became victims.

They said I was filthy.

Put me on trial.

They pleaded not guilty

So convincing, they played their roles well.

It's amazing the lies they so easily tell.

They won; succeeded in stealing the sun.

Now they think they shine so brightly.

Casting shade on my name.

They stole my warmth.

My heat.

Forgetting it was me who put out the rain

In the first place.

That it was me who broke open the clouds

In order for them to breathe.

I thought it was a dream,

But still I awoke cold and alone.

There are no happy endings to sad stories

And this scripture cried in me,

Left in a world of darkness,

This poem will die with me.

And it will be unremembered.

Like the last words of a forgotten soldier.

And while they beam,

And glow,

And smile with sunshine,

They'll know.

When they lay their heads at night

They too will cry and remember

That they used to love me.

Love, Tianamonique.