I'm living but I'm not alive.
Where's the sunshine?
Did the run rise?
I feel it in my thighs.
The burning sighs in
The hallows of my throat
The deadened silence
Of my poetry ridden notes
Always coped well with loneliness,
No surprise that i'm alone in this.
Writing to get rid of this.
I hear the lies they hiss,
Blaming me for the missing sun,
Look at what love's become.
A chase around moon's and
Nights filled with doom
Misused and cold
Shivering bones, frozen like stone
And I can play guilty for only so long.
Bliss is what I seek,
Uncertainty is what I find.
A kiss upon my cheek,
It wasn't real so never mind.
Love and reality never intertwined,
Vines of self hatred, and cursed manipulations,
Tattooed vibrations, rehearsed defamation.
It was a brutal assassination.
Slaughtered dreams with no investigation.
You are the thieves; not me.
Stealing sunshines, and moon beams,
Left in darkness to get lost in.
I'm being held hostage
And they call me anonymous.
They say i'm their enemy,
An unknown rival,
Now i'm fighting for survival
Praying for revival.
They say i'm guilty,
When all I did was love.
The weight of feeling
As insignificant as humanly
Possible is so heavy on my tongue
That i'm biting the inside
Of my cheeks just to keep from
Going numb.
I have a poem written in my veins
Screaming to be read,
Feigning to be bled.
The bruised words left unsaid
Remain in liquid form
Spilling onto transparent floors
Is my heart still beating?
I can't tell anymore.
Intoxicated thoughts
And mindless dreams
Floating through
Insatiable seams.
Sewing together
Blank tears and
Hoarse screams.
Inconsistent means never
Following through.
And i'm through.
With wishing things from you
And them, and her and he
And we will remain strangers
Until I find some familiarity.
They say they hate me.
But the ones hated are the most sacred
And almost always underestimated.
Count our scars and you'll have
Memorized the constellations,
We deserve stars.
I'm going through these phases
Making drastic changes
I'm learning how to save this.
Keep them in my archives,
To look back on when I forget
How to be alive.
When the seasons start feeling like suicides
And hello's feel like genocides
I've been kissing black roses
Exposing my heart
To thorns and love potions
Bled devine devotion
Insignificant emotions
Flooded oceans of
Crumbling tears.
It is here that I realize
How incredibly beautiful lonesome can be.
Eyes swell like bee stings,
And mosquito bites,
And bruised lips.
But swelling is just a healing process.
A form of protection.
And i'm in need of body guards.
So my heart's building an army
Kill your sorry's; you're my quarry.
Murdering lies with no warning.
Because i'm tired of being disposable
People get close to you, then dispose of you,
What do you suppose I do?
I lust for some truth; some proof
That i'm not crazy.
That the sun was stolen from behind enemy lines.
They made me think that for one moment
I went that blind.
They thieved their way into making me
Believe that it was me.
My fault that my heart was shattered.
That my memories were fables
That the songs in my head
Were lies.
They made me suffer.
They told me I asked for this.
To live in darkness.
To be blind of reality.
And maybe that holds some truth
I may have said I wanted serenity
And quiet
And a little peace of mind.
I may have said that I was exhausted
From pretending to not be as broken as I am,
But never did I say it was okay for anyone
To steal my light.
To steal my fire.
They are liars.
Playing innocent because they don't know any better.
They twisted the story.
Became victims.
They said I was filthy.
Put me on trial.
They pleaded not guilty
So convincing, they played their roles well.
It's amazing the lies they so easily tell.
They won; succeeded in stealing the sun.
Now they think they shine so brightly.
Casting shade on my name.
They stole my warmth.
My heat.
Forgetting it was me who put out the rain
In the first place.
That it was me who broke open the clouds
In order for them to breathe.
I thought it was a dream,
But still I awoke cold and alone.
There are no happy endings to sad stories
And this scripture cried in me,
Left in a world of darkness,
This poem will die with me.
And it will be unremembered.
Like the last words of a forgotten soldier.
And while they beam,
And glow,
And smile with sunshine,
They'll know.
When they lay their heads at night
They too will cry and remember
That they used to love me.
Love, Tianamonique.
