Monday, July 1, 2013

... because of the monsters under my bed .

eyes swollen from
carrying the weight of
heavy tears.
nights swallowed by
the hauntings of ghosts
that aren't too friendly
misery likes to host
parties in my closet
and dance till the day is done
with my skeletons .
i've had monsters 
living underneath by bed
since i can remember
but those childhood scares
could never compare
to the deafening blares
of my dark nightmares
you could never survive them
you would drown in the 
melancholy records that spin
on the tongues of
hopeless romantics.
my last love was a savage.
i guess you can say
i've always been attracted
to danger.
infatuated by the thrill.
the villains always seem
to want to love me.
its true 
they see an innocence in me
that they lack
and wish they could get back 
so they try to destroy it
before it destroys them
because memories kill
and reminiscing is suicide
so i find myself in these
tangled webs of wanting to love
and wanting to run.
serial killers like to watch
their victims suffer
and if pain is love
than i've been smothered
but these days
my skin is a little rougher
my heart is a little tougher
and all the demons
that have always haunted my dreams
are slowly beginning to look like
beautiful angels.
you would think i'd be afraid
but i've been conquering monsters
since i was little and they were
hiding underneath my bed . 
your fangs do not scare me.

love - tianamonique

Friday, July 20, 2012

Airplanes & Coffee Cups .

We met when the turblance
Was at it's worst.
The seatbelt sign was blinking
And I was terrified.
Roller coasters never
Really frightened me
And I've always wanted to go sky diving
But doing anything broken hearted
Is dangerous and im famous for
Being reckless
So there I was.
Alone and helpless.
I just wanted to get away.
To break away from the daily routines
My naive heart refused to let me leave behind
Running to find
Myself again.
And the takeoff was always the easiest part.
The liberating feeling of leaving,
Instead of the tragic reality of being left.
The moment of knowing everything is going
To change instead of reminiscing
On things that have remained the same.

But then [like always]
There's that moment.
That one moment where you're sitting in your seat
Staring out of the window,
Passing frosted tip mountains,
Inhaling the heavenlike view,
Where you start to doubt your next move
When you start to question the unknown
And all you want to do is resort back to
Your comfort zone.
And all your thoughts start to shatter into
A million pieces in the palms of your hands
And the heavenlike view begins to turn dark
And the seatbelt light turns on
And you enter panic mode.
This is where I met you.
And I remember you smiling.
Laughing at my agony,
I hated you.
So calm.
So collected.
And it was here when I couldn't tell
What I was more afraid of.
The turbulance of my past,
Or the tranquility of my future.
And I think you knew, but still you questioned.
And I showed you my scars.
Spilling my darkest love tales in the middle
Of a strangers lap.
The same stranger who was strangely
Untangling the mess my heart strings had created
In the meiddle of my chest
Not only did you listen
But you healed [without knowing]
The most ruined part of me.
And not once did you look
At me differently.
Always understood,
And never made excuses.
You made me feel safe.
While my world was falling apart
You kept my sanity sane.
Continued to remind me what it
Was I needed to do,
And made sure I knew.
And with mascara running down my cheeks,
And my red eye's blaring,
You made me feel beautiful.
Without touching.
Without love.
Without sex.
You did it all with just your presence.
And after my panic attack had ceased,
Coasting quietly to the next chapter,
You continued to satisfy my thirst
For love,
And it make me feel uncomfortably still.
And I didn't want you to leave,
Because that would only further prove
My point of being left.
But I knew eventually we would have to land,
And as soon as our feet touched
The solid ground,
We would be changed.
You took my hand,
And I didn't even realize when the
Seatbelt sign went off,
And we were allowed to use electronics,
But there is no technology in the world
That could have predicted this beautiful
Conviction that you had sparked in
The turbulent waters of my heart.
We landed and to my surprise,
We were going in the same direction,
This when you asked me,
If I would like join you
For a cup of coffee.

Love, Tianamonique .

Saturday, May 26, 2012

MIYM 27 .

plenty have come and gone.

their footprints are engraved
In muddied waters.
Their scents leave trails
To despairs mouth
Kissing misery.
With snakelike tongues
The beginning has not begun.
Held hostage by memories
That replay like brilliant
Moving in silence.
We cast spells on mortals.
This is not human,
but it’s worth it.
Building bridges and
Burning the hinges.
Here, sins are rewarded,
And saint’s are not forgiven.

Love, Tianamonique.

Friday, May 11, 2012

RAH. [The Unanswered Questions]

The words evaporated into thin air
Like magic
Disappeared before I could even speak them
I wanted to cry
But you walked away
Before I could say goodbye
That was the moment time stopped
And the clouds shed tears
And all the flowers wilted
And the winds stopped breathing
It was the day thatlove stopped believing.
You were the chosen one,
Didn't you know that?
Didn't you know you were a hero?
How many hearts depended on you..
How many hearts you broke.
You failed.
Not only me, but us.
Put trust in your hands
And you betrayed it by
Washing them in dirt
Forgetting your purpose
You were supposed to return
Supposed to come back for me,
And don't you know I waited?
How many full moons I counted in your absence.
How many men tried to fill your shoes,
Pretending to be you.
With their silver armour blinding the truth.
And their fabricated war stories.
But their eyes always lied
And their hands didn't feel the same folded in mine.
I know we didn't have a fairytale,
And I wasn't expecting a happily ever after,
But we had history love,
Don't you remember?
I couldn't have made up
All those nights spent
Singing revolutions into
Blank skies.
Or the kisses shared inbetween
Provacative conversations,
Or smiles sent across
Spread vastly between us.
I know it was not a dream.
And I want to remember you the same.
As the same man in the frame,
But my how we've both changed.
It's strange.
I always thought that looking back
Would make me remember,
But all it ever does now
Is make me want to forget.
Because we have scars now that cannot be replaced
And we have wounds that can
Never be erased.
We've both seen how this ends,
And it aches.
This is what happens when heart's break.
And you never offered to pick up the pieces,
Did you my love?
You were busy.
Preoccupied with the battles your were facing
In your own world.
I tried to make excuses for you, you know.
Change my number and
Told people that you just couldn't reach me.
I would say that you were coming back,
Any day.
Any minute.
Any second
And they would nod their heads knowing
That I was holding in hard tears in the
Back of my throat
Knowing that my hopes were useless,
Because everyone knew besides me,
That you would turn into nothing more
Than a memory.
And now look at us.
Two chapters that are no longer
In the same book,
Binded by words written in two different languages.
And I don't understand you anymore.
Your dialect's transformed.
Conformed to the male ego,
You were never satisfied, were you?
And it wasn't that I didn't have the beauty,
And it wasn't that I wasn't smart enough,
And it wasn't that we didn't have the chemistry,
You were just lost.
And me thinking I was your destination
Is where the road stopped.
You traveled distances in search of your happiness,
When in reality,
I could have shown you the way,
If you would've just let me,
But you went astray,
And found yourself a home in the unknown.
A place where I cannot follow.
A place where my name is not relevant,
A place where you are not mine.
But I hope someday,
In another life maybe,
You remember your way back to forever,
Because we almost had it this time,
Didn't we?

Love, Me.