Saturday, October 23, 2010

October Remedy.

Feeling a little less than empty

My heart is a catastrophe

Written in bloody ink.

And my words are heavy.

So if you don't mind the weight

Please continue reading,

If not, you won't find any apologies.

All i've ever wanted was validation.

That all this humiliation wasn't being wasted.

I'm getting lost in the basis of eternity,

Spilling my soul to make heartsick remedies.

You're killing me, internally.

And this is a love thing.

Sunken cheeks and distant eyes;

The result of being shunned and embarrassed of.

The fact that I wasn't good enough.

Too many questions unanswered.

The why's and why not's never faded

Untying the knots my heart strings created.

I need a change of scenery.

I need a change a pace.

Tired of these familiar places

I've been rearranged and no one has been able

To recognize my face

Or maybe it's them who have become the strangers.

All I know is that i've stepped out of my element,

My zodiac, my morals

To make other's feel comfortable.

And where does that leave me?

On a bridge ready to become a tom petty song.

You're trying to do right but you're already wrong.

You left me alone for to long with thoughts

That my heart wasn't strong enough to decipher.

The old me has died, you will never find her.

I've become the story you never want to tell.

I'm the shadow's, i'm a detailed farewell.

You'll see me in seasons.

You'll remember as a time of the day.

My smile lingers somewhere in a previous decade.

My spirit lays somewhere in an ex lover's bed.

I was massacred.

I was an experiment.

I was the lesson of what not to be.

And i've been taught many times, to women

Who now stand where I was next to men

Who were suppose to love me.

They shoved me into closets webbed with

Promises that were haunting.

Suffocating in loneliness and regret.

Feeling a little less than worthless,

[Yes, these words have been said before]

I've been tainted and jaded.

Picking up old habits,

Blood on my hands it's

Becoming a problem.

I drew you a picture on my skin

Using your razor blade lies,

Your sharp edged eyes,

I drew the demise you so brutally devised.

I'll show you the scars, my love.

They are deep, and unpleasant.

And please don't take this metaphorically

When I say that i've been bleeding horribly.

I've torn through every inch of my skin

Hoping to find the cure.

The reason, that you refuse to love me anymore.

Your rejection is like getting my fingers

Jammed in a thousand doors.

"But I don't love you anymore, I'm so insecure, never knew that love did this"

Badu sings my soul, lost control of my heart.

Unscrewed the hinges and fell loose.

But, I refuse to let this become a catch 22.

You will not be the disease and the cure.

My heart was pure before it met yours.

Corrupted it with unlikely dreams that always left me unsure.

Unsecured and immature, I was blinded

By my thoughts of what it was, went is wasn't.

I was misguided and a little used, love is so deceiving and he was confused.

He was caught in that small space where he realized that

How much he loved me wasn't has much as his want to be free,

So I untied him.

I guess I had confined him.

But we weren't living in the same box

Mine was filled with happiness, he only saw his as locked.

It's still a mystery.

Now i'm a mistress to his/tory.

Because it seem's like everyone's moved on

Except and without me.

Caught up in miser

Love is killing me,

But this is not it for me

I'm pulling apart ever fiber,

Every molecule, every atom.

I'm sciencing my way back to normalcy.

Because these thieves are not sparing me any sanity.

I said I wanted clarity; they left me darkness.

How could I not be exhausted?

He speaks so coldly; i'm frostbit.

We lost it.

But still I'll blossom.

And although my branches have been bent,

And my leaves have been crumbled,

And my pedals have been picked,

The seed's continue to take root

And I hope someday it clicks.

I've been wounded,

And I'm on the path to finding remedies,

He won't be the end of me.

I am still growing.

Without the sun, and without love.