Thursday, December 31, 2009

The Hardest Part About Love.

Let me make one thing clear.
No, I am not the 'clingy' type and
No, I do not NEED your attention.
You just so happened to be there
So I accepted.
Your arm wrapped around my waist,
Your hards searching for the gaps
In between my fingers
So you could enlace yours with mine.
Your fingertips perfectly touching the middle
Of my palms
You invited yourself into these thoughts.
I never asked to be filled but you
Spilled your lyrics into me anyways leaving
No cracks in between my attempts to tell you to rewind
Cuz those words left permanent wounds where
Scars had already claimed residency
And I can't say that I didn't enjoy it because I did.
But you fail to understand what happened
See, I have this box full of men that have
Touched and left.
Leaving their fingertprints frozen into me
Encrypted like code
If love had a diary, you could read it on my skin
Like braile with your eyed closed.
This box, with the image of men dented
From my unaswered questions
Starting from when his
16 year old hands touched my 9 year old body
Causing internal bruising from losing all of my innocence
I understood the definition of sex
Before I knew what love was.
Kissing away my youth at the age of 15 when my
Virginity was stolen by a man who claimed he loved me
Crying blank tears of regrets
And now I'm trying forget everything my heart loves to remember.
See touching is the hardest part about love.
It is not about fucking.
That is easy.
Easy to forget my last name and to swallow my fathers
Words claiming no man can love me more
Easy to close the door on my common sense
But it is the opening part that they always forget
To mention in fairy tales
And no, I didn't expect you to be my prince charming
But damn.
I am tired of adding names to this venemous list
Tired of being kissed and it be meaningless
Playing guilty when really I am innocent
And I don't blame my missing pieces on you
I was broken far before your name became existant
But you have stained the back of my neck with your breath
And now the gaps in between my fingers are
Beginning to miss your sweet entanglment
And that would have never happened if
You had not snaked your way down my arm
To dig into realms that were never yours to explore
I've endured much worse so please don't think
That this is your fault
But that night you poured salt into fresh wounds
Without even asking if I needed a bandage
Cuz you were so concerned with leaving that
You didn't realize I was bleeding
Wondering how many women have been imprinted with your scent
And like the rest, you left.
And I refuse to chase senseless men.
So the next time you want to go around tangling fingers
You might wanna ask where her hands have been.

Love, Tianamonique

Friday, December 25, 2009

Merry Christmas Guys!

Hope everyone has an amazing day! =D

Love, Tianamonique.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

MIYM #18 / DAY 3.

And because of everything we’ve been through, I continue to grasp on to moments where our names were aligned with the stars. And because I can’t let go, I hold them while I sleep. And because my dreams consist of falacies, I tend to wake up with soaked cheeks. And because I have dimples, they tend to seep into my skin. And because your words have cut away the molecules of my surface, I walk sideways and my smile is crooked. And because I am so broken and dismantled, the many who have touched; have left. And because lonliness is so beautiful, I paint solitude on barren canvases. And because those colors are too bold for me, I look to your emerald eyes for comfort. And because they are so distant, I find myself following the trails I left for when we got lost. And because the winds swept away my previous footprints, you are no where to be found. And because time is running out, I have no patience to play hide and seek. And because I left those games in my youth, I am taking my heart and laughter and planting them in a secret garden. And because roses were never your thing, romance and meloncholy love songs will fill this place. And because it is mine, it will blossom. And because of everything I’ve been through, I will water my thoughts and nurture my dreams, and fall in love with myself.

Love. Tianamonique.

Friday, December 4, 2009

FREEWRITE 120409

Maybe love is a myth.
A tale that was told on
Lonely nights.
Maybe is started with a simple kiss
On the cheek and they tagged that as
Love.
And as generations grew, so did the idea
Of true love existing
Kissing strangers until the
Right one landed on hopeful lips
Someone must have have twisted around
The words, because somewhere in the
Midsts of kisses on cheeks, love was stolen
Somewhere, love was shattered and broken
The letters spilling over torn hearts.
Loved died.
And when they tried to put the pieces back together
They glued it wrong,
Leaving dark holes in their theories,
Gaps in between their thoughts
Love was a myth broken by lies and fantasies
Shoving pretty quotes down aching throats
In hopes of finding a prince charming.
Someone to leak pretty words into desperate palms
Someone to hold the burdens of your heaviest secrets
Someone to love the worst part of you
Someone to love the ugliest part of you
Someone to accept your insecurties and kiss them until they are too far to reach.
Someone to teach poetry and art like it was all we had left.
Somone to make parallel lines intersect.
Someone to defy gravity.
Someone to capture moments in still forms and make them sing.
Until proven that this person exists..

Love is just a myth.

Love. Tianamonique.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Yesterday's Emerald Eyes.

Yesterday is no longer my concern.
Your fingertips no longer hold any importance
Your emerald eyes can't keep me hostage
And I have left your scent somewhere in last week.
Our summer has faded with winter's cold lips
Kissing away our warm memories and replacing them
With frozen regrets.
But it's so hard to forget what your heart loves to remember.
So now i'm trying to play catch up to a world that you
So painfully blinded me from
Trying to touch the laughter I lost along with my smile
I misspelled my name so many moon's ago and now
I have papercuts from writing too many love poems.
We were the end of a train crash
The ashes carried the pieces of my heart
Into your venomous hands
You always pretended to catch me when I began to fall apart
But never held tight enough.
Letting me slip through the cracks in your weak fingers
I never knew where I was going
So since I didn't have a destination, a map was not needed
Weeded through the roses as if the thorns never left me bleeding
Pleading for your once familiar eyes to make me dance again
I sat placid on the wieght of yesterday
Pretending to not notice how distant your voice had become
Or how your words stung
Or how I bled from biting my tongue
You; the yesterday that I've been running from.
And now
Today seems blank
Tomorrow seems lonely
But yesterday is no longer my concern.

Love, Tianamonique.

Friday, November 13, 2009

And So The Story Goes..

When we are removed from history textbooks
Our mistakes will follow in repetition.
And as we cry egyptian shaped tears
Your towers will paint the sky with corporate lies
Wicked men in glass shoes carry dull suitcases
Failing to realized that their fake smiles have left us
Broken.
And no matter how deep the concrete goes,
No matter how high your building reach
And no matter how far your skyscrapers stretch
We are demanding more love.

I pity those men in fine armor
Chasing women with alabaster perfume
Enlaced on their wrists
Kissing dollar bills every time the clicking of heels step through their office
For these men do no understand the shame of card board boxes
Underneath underpasses draped in graffiti
Or the venomous veins carrying the weight of heroin through barren cities
They have forgotten the forgotten.
The minimum wage dependents
The less fortunate.
Your political scandals are raping us dry
Leaving no crack in between our attempts just to get by
How could you rewrite the words we've created?

You appear with red faces
Emptied from vacations
With sand still tucked behind your ear
Telling single mothers that they must leave
But you fail to answer the question of why
Your guns have not surrounded the poverty of unfortunate dreams.
Why are your wallets heavier than our education?
Your laws are corrupted sir, and you alone have deleted us from those history books.

Where did the three kings with the gifts go?
Where are the songs about strange fruit?
Where did the speeches about peace disappear to?

The pollution rises through the windows
Of your pent house
You cough on our deep breaths
You rest on our fallen hopes
You twist broken promises into strands of our hair
You avoid our eyes to remain innocent
You shake our hands unaware that the lifelines on our palms
Are not long enough and it is unfair
That these men are stripping away our sanity
They are stealing our identities
We are not your enemies
We are simply the unread words in your fairy tale fantasies
Though you pull our rehearsed sorry's from your pockets
We know that the truth is far from your mouth.

We must re-build the temple
And only hope that one brick can fix
Everything you've undone
And pray that our names are rewritten.

Love, Tianamonique.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

She Is Coming Undone.

Her dark eyes have dampened.
And her hands are now clenched in fists
Her smile and crooked
And flood with accusations she never deserved
Fingers burned from touching distant memories
Arms broken from reaching for stars
That were never aligned quite right
Her edges are weakened from being
Pushed through sandpaper eyes
She cried in dark corners
Writing her blues on white walls
Creating a perfect sky of dreams that never came true
Her hinges loose from men
Opening and closing her doors and
Misplacing the key; love has left her half empty
But this is not about love.
This is about change
The rearrangement of webbed promises inscribed on false tongues
Blank thoughts serving as bandages
Keep together the broken pieces
Her fringes are being to fray
And with days coming and good
Time is almost impossible to grasp
Counting moments with dead rose pedals on lonely night
Goodbye's have become as frequent as yesterdays
But it was tomorrow that never came
Placing the blame on the footsteps of a god with no name
The frame of her existence being bent backwards
Her character twisted around assumptions
Leaving her soul broken and dying
Trying to come up with complicated answers
To the simple question of, why.
Her laughter has been stained into living room carpets
Along with fallen tears and unsaid regrets.
She never prepared herself for this.
Spinning herself dizzy, contemplating every crucial detail
Ever possible factor in this messed up equation
This complex situation
Failing to provide any type of solution
Her voice has sunk deeper in pools of melancholy songs
Her throat aches from swallowing glass
And as time passes her soul collapses.

She is coming undone.
Running to numb the feeling of being still.
Running from a cold sun.
Because she has realized that
Nothing is as it seems
So she is deferring
Like Langston's dream
But if you see her, tell her to stop.
Because soon she'll run out of breath.
And in these times breathing
Is the only reality she has left.

Love, Tianamonique.

Friday, October 9, 2009

Lay With You

Sometimes I just want to lay with you.
Because days are busy and hurried
And sometimes I forget how to breathe
So I need your arms to remind me
Of how to feel
So sometimes I just want to lay with you.
Let the words write themselves upon our palms
Let them entertwine
We could write sonnets with our silence
Forget our assignments
My back to your chest
Your right leg on my left
Your breath on my neck
I just want to lay with you
Because I spend all day move
Around corners, around orders
And I tend to forget how it feels to be still
I don't want to have to tell you my heart is aching
I don't want to hear the sound of promises breaking
Making love is fine; but sometimes I just want to lay there.
Fully clothed.
No makeup.
Vulnerable.
Eyes closed.
Hold me until my secrets unfold.
My heart is cold and your arms are the only warmth it knows
No words to be spoke
I know, it's difficult to find time to be alone
But if we could hold on to the hours, the minutes, the seconds,
I reckon we could be free of our insecurities.
I just want to lay with you.
In solitude.
In our purest of forms.
Lay with you until the sheets are torn.
Place wisps of bliss on the small of my neck
Because laying with you is better than sex
I just want to embrace your essence
And inhale your sweet scent without the interruption of nonsense
Lets just lay here and pretend as though we are empty
And fill each other with lovely ecstasy

I just want to lay with you.
Until I forget how to move.

Love, Tianamonique.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

MIYM #16

These are only words.
Script from a twisted wrist
A hand that's been kissed
Words flowing from burnt fingertips
[I've always loved and touched too much]
But these are just words.
Being swallowed and ignored
And possibly rightfully so
Words, evaporating in blank eyes
Disappearing in artistic skies
Numb tongues wrapping around moonlit sighs.
Inhaled the experience and exhaled metaphoric lies.
Watch them rise through cracked throats
And break in mid air like neglected smoke
These are just words.
The ones I never spoke.

Love, Tianamonique

*I know I don't post as much as I used to. Some things are just meant to be kept to myself...

Monday, August 24, 2009

He that lives in a glass house must not throw stones.

I had a house.
And in that house there were things.
Things with memories encrypted onto them.
There were chairs we sat and laughed in.
Photographs, I adored you.
Books we never read.
Walls with words unsaid.
The front door always remained locked,
I never wanted to leave.
The shelves held all the lies you spilled
Around our wooden floors that always
Creaked when you came around
Sound proofed our bedroom so you did not hear
Me scream when I found her scent underneath
Your pillow.
The hearts on the window from the fogged mornings.
Mornings I could not sleep from the nights you
Pretended to love me.
Stained red lipstick smeared across buttoned shirts;
I always ignored.
Everytime you would return to me with a little less than you left with.
The warnings were deafening but I covered my ears
With your hands and begged you to make
The sirens stop, and you would kiss my cheek
And just as innocently I would sweep away
Her footprints in the doorway.
The wine bottles spilled everytime you left;
Drinking to the nights alone, in our bed.
This house became a knife and I always bled when you fled,
Cutting deeper, the nights longer, the mornings colder,
Wrapping myself in your bedsheets; wondering how it was you could hold her,
When you had me. Sadly, our happy home became a
Vacant hole and I walked the halls and of what was.
The chairs were broken, the pictures on the walls
Were crooked and the windows shattered.
This is what our love had become.
Broken.

I sold that house; to a woman who didn't mind the mess.
She said nothing could compare to the tangles in her chest.
When she stepped into the doorway, I could almost hear her sadness
Burst inside of her.
Her scent was familiar.
Her red lipstick blared.
She pushed my hand away when I went to give her the key.
Opened her purse and pulled out her own.
I smiled and left that house.

And I built myself a home.

Friday, August 7, 2009

Pretty Girls Are Always Insecure.

I used to make myself feel pretty.
Now I'm depending on someone else to
Validate my beauty.
Comparing myself to the last and the next,
Insecure in my own sex, feeling worthless
To the bone, a stranger in my own home,
Immune to the flaws that continue to grow,
Its cold when you're alone,
Wishing to be someone else, someone that already was
Somone I will never be,
And I know that she creeps into your mind when you look at me
I can feel it when you're kissing me
You're lips longing for another, causing my heart to think irrationally
Settling for what I think I deserve,
And even though it hurts, I work twice as hard to keep what was hers
The scars never show from the inside but they burn and I've heard it a million times
"You have to know your own worth",
but fuck its hard
when there's always someone else there stealing your words,
Concealing the urge to cry in front of you.
The tears have left permanent trails,they know their way down my cheeks,
and I am missing too many pieces to even begin to feel complete,
but I do know this feeling of insecurity; it is nothing unusual,
but still sometimes I just miss feeling,
Beautiful.

*Back to meloncholy. Lovely.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Love On The Horizon.

I saw a beautiful shape in the distance and
Convinced myself it was you.
Told myself it could be no one and nothing else,
So I ran.
Letting the pavement sing beneath my impatient feet,
The trees became a blur a green, another sign
Of your presense.
I uttered your name under my slowed breath hoping
You would turn and beam your brilliance
Into the morning horizon.
But when I got to where you were supposed to be,
Utter lonliness washed over me
And I was not surprised.
You never came, as I did not expect you to,
But expectations and hope often cross eachother,
Causing misunderstanding and heartache.
I listened to the wind blow through my damp eyelashes,
Inhaled the sweet scent of cactuses. embraced the morning
Dew with my eyes closed.
The trail had ended, and I walked away alone,
Leaving the beautiful horizon and your memory behind,
Knowing that sadness and desperation were waiting for me at home.

Love,
tianamonique.

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Inside The Storm.

The lightning struck the same spot twice, it was no myth.
No coincidence that I had a scar in my palms
With your name written on it.
I did not cry, though the rain was questionable.
Storms blew through valleys buried deep, hidden
And sealed with secrets you whispered in your sleep.
I always pretended not to hear, but the thunder always
Kept me awake and I had no choice but to listen.
Imprisoned in darkness, your words became a light
In my shadowed room, the clandestinity of your dreams
Were unleashed as your speech carried on throughout the storm,
Tears became hail, iced over memories seeped through broken teeth
It was like watching lilies bloom in the middle of cracked streets.
Riddles streaming from the depths of death’s venom breath
My name was in the eye of the storm.
Leaving my fragile heart twisted and torn, your violent winds
Made it impossible to think clearly, I lay in despair wishing I could make
Your past disappear, we were both in such need of repair.
We were the end result of a train crash,
The ashes of a thrown out cigarette,
The pain that sits placid after love expires,
Somehow we fused our broken pieces together
We were just looking for some protection from
Some severe weather.

And so the morning came, as it always did.
Jaded light bulbs lit dimly as you awoke, the tornado calmed,
The words you spoke the night before silence themselves,
And I am left with no words, waiting for the sun to deliver answers
To your broken questions.

Friday, July 3, 2009

MIYM #14

It was to an independent state of mind that I wanted to pledge
Saluted the reflection in the mirror
As if my chords had truly been cut down
Like my strings were finally untied
Like the knots had come undone
I placed my hand over my heart to pledge my allegiance
But the bullets went flying taking my soul as seisin
Foolishly I left my heart open for unspoken reasons
No liberty or justice could heal these lesions.

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

FREEWRITE 063009

Twisted around assumptions, crying out for some type of escape. Losing the meanings, the truth, characters are written but their definitions are never defined, refined to the bone, it’s a cold world, and the winters are dark. Summers are lonely, spring is empty, and autumn changes all the colors of the spectrum. The leaves fall, the branches break, and what is left of truth, is dried and festering in sand boxes. The night’s lights shine through bleak skin, loving myself enough but still the air is thin, conforming to the reality instead of the truth. Bent bridges and seeing everything upside down, I need elevator arms to up lift me now. Somehow the roads are being shaped into question marks, raising doubt, raising reason, where is truth? Not the city, but the state of being. The state of knowing whether the proof is reliable; it is the truth that’s undeniable. Familiar faces reaching with stranger’s hands. They too have begun to turn into question marks, bending with memories that are faint and I’m beginning to wonder if they ever took place. Struggling to find the truth in love’s recollection, I search through the archives, hoping to find a scent of summer’s taboo; I know that I loved you, but I can’t find where it ever ended or why. The truth is hiding in mounds, yesterday sounds lovely when played backwards, I keep the records on a shelf right next humility, one of my favorite tunes, and then June plays the laughter that has been stained into living room carpets, it’s so hard to forget what you heart loves to remember. I know I need to accept the fact that I can’t keep you forever, but selfishly I keep your memory in queue, and when they ask me for my name I attach it to your last, not because I miss you, but because time is moving too fast, and I’m just trying to capture history before it becomes the past.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

MIYM #13

Even if it is only one night
Strip me of my insecurities
Love the purest form of me
Make the floor beds cry,
And the bed spread curl
Place whispers on my neck
Hold me deep
Make it raw
Place our problems
On the nightstand and
Pick them up in the morning
This could be love.
But even if its not
I would still like to place my hands
Across your back
Embellish your name in high notes
Make music jealous
Even if it means nothing
Because I would much rather
Be lonely with you,
Than empty alone.

Love, Tianamonique.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Footprints Fade.

It’s so hard to tell time with the
Days coming and going. Now
Evaporates so quickly and sleeping
Only makes the nights fly. Clinging to
Fallen moments just so you don’t
Forget. Gone walks away slowly and
I can taste yesterday faintly.
How does one prepare for already?
Counting moments with dead rose pedals.
There’s no class that teaches the
Art of saying goodbye. Questions rising and the
Answers being swallowed by tomorrows
That never seemed to come through. Time always
Knows when to withdraw and then
Present itself when convenient and less
When appropriate. Snapping your wrists
To get the attention of a yesterday
Who must have forgotten how to say farewell.
Applauses come from forced kisses
Fallen upon cheeks that have become
A roadway for incomplete love spells
We become unfinished once the music stops
And I am of the Coltrane and Holiday kind
I have loved others but your now
Always overrides their then. Face beams with
Here and going stops when your
Footprints step upon its toes.
I miss you most in the mornings, though.
When the dew from the night before
Swelled upon your tongue
When the morning sun shined in perfect angles
Through my blinds
It was almost as if the sun asked
Your eyes to dance and you obliged
Speechless and in love, I often lost the words
To your smile [it was always unfair battle]

But I will not reminisce on days that never came
I will not play with memories that never happened
And I will never wish they had
Moments come when they are supposed to,
Never rushing and never late
Though I crave you still; I will not indulge in your
Yesterday

Love. Tianamonique

Friday, June 12, 2009

LOOKIE WHAT I FOUND =]

OLDIE BUT GOODIE =]
Dont think I ever posted this on my blog but whatev.. I was scrolling through my old word docs on thee computadora and found this piece lol throwback. =]

ALGEBREEZIE4MAHMEEZE.

You are my math.
My hardest subject.
Perfectly calculated to be as difficult as humanly possible
So I put off doing homework because this doesn’t make
Sense to me.
[yet it could be so easy if I got tutoring]
You, built upon formulas, are complicated
And I am trying to comprehend the math of you.
Trying to prove with theorems,
Trying to solve this equation.
you²+me²=see²
but our vision is impaired,
blinded by the erase marks from
our consistent mistakes.
There can only be one right answer,
Maybe it doesn’t live within me.
Thinking with math is pointless and useless
Cuz I used the right side of my brain,
You have given me reason to doubt my theory.
You are my “X”
The variable I am trying to solve for.
WHY? = EMCEE²

You spit,
But I can’t fit your lyrics into my
Equilateral.
The area is to complex.
Still, the mathematics of the problem no longer matter.
You are my vertex, my center.
My square root.
And regardless of the equation, the answer is always,
You.

Monday, June 8, 2009

MIYM #12

In case you are looking for me,
I left clues in your memory.
I was the calligraphy written
On green stones, sending letters
To the angels that carried your spirit.
I was the cracks in the sidewalk that
You avoided because of superstitions
The babies cry in crowded rooms
The emptiness that filled
Eternity; the definition of your
Nightmares
I was always in plain view before
You began looking for me
I’ve always been there.
I was always there,
But you never saw, never needed to search
For what was in front of you, my dear.
Isn’t that how it goes?

love.tianamonique

Friday, June 5, 2009

youneedtohearthis.

I was in love once.
I mean really in love.
The kind of love that you want to rewind and then replay
Because you don’t want to miss one crucial detail
It was like that when I was younger too.
When the wind would caress my youthful cheeks and
Follow me up trees and I would
Fall with bruised knees but I would beg to do it again
Just to inhale the sweet breeze
It was easy then.
Before I knew his name, before I understood his scent.
Because now everything I do will either be
Before or after I met him
The happiness prior to, and the sadness thereafter

I can feel my heart bursting into flames
And I can visualize what my insides must look like
A barren of darkness filling eternity, a lost spirit
Floating among broken dreams
Stairways leading to cold oceans; drowning in
The most beautiful misery
Overflowing with the letters he wrote on my heart
I can feel the ink bleeding
I’ve landed on the ceiling of heartbreak and it is here [of all places]
That the universe has shown up asking questions about nonsense
That I have no intentions of answering

Love is such a petty thing.
People lose real things like
Their jobs, and their homes, and their families,
Who am I to complain about the betrayal of love?
I do not compare my hurt to those who have suffered greater,
But in the end it comes down to
Heartbreak
Pure and utter heartbreak
No matter the immensity of the situation.
You cannot place a measurement on how heartbroken you are.
And I am.

I would have counted sand for you, love.
Praised every strand of your hair
Crowned you Zeus, played Aphrodite
We could have written our own mythologies
But there was distance
That left us human
An ocean and a morning sky
And now there is nothing but
Faint memories and
They take deep sighs in the
Middle of the night
And I wake up in a sweat
Clenching the pillow as if
There was another being lying
Next to me and then begin to sob
Realizing it’s not and
Everything goes blank and im still
Empty and alone, wondering how
Much more misery I can take!

There is only reality to rely on,
Yesterday is no longer my concern
Yesterday always leaves
And I’m so tired of being left
I understand that everything is
Beautiful in the beginning
There is love there is curiosity
There is excitement the sparks fly
But where does that all go?
Do those feelings evaporate after you’ve
Reached a certain level of happiness?
Where there once was laughter
There is now silence
And it stands still in solitude
And I’m not sure if I’m to blame
Or was it you whose heart decided, [for whatever reason] that
It would be better off without mine?

We become accustomed to accustoms
Blankly following the paths of
Bad habits formed in a matter of seconds
Days begin to repeat themselves and
Soon we’re stuck walking in a circle
Spinning ourselves dizzy,
Is this when we become insane?
Carving initials into yesterdays
Tree hoping to look back and remember
Who we once were
Losing our name to inconsistent promises
And knowing there is nothing left of
Ourselves to break; so the glass falls and
The pieces scatter across the floor of our sanity
How do you explain that you are putting together an invisible puzzle?

This is how it will be from now on
Questions arising and answers
Getting lost in doubt
Manipulating myself enough to
Believe that for that moment in time
For that period in history
For that second
I was that happy and deserved to be so.
There are times when, without thinking, I will
Suddenly lose my breathe.
Choking on tears before they even fall
This is crazy, I know this is crazy.

I am here and I am now
With my heart in hand
Sloppily put back together
Without any expectations
Without any restraint
I just want it to keep beating,
Keeping my soul breathing through
This chokehold of a condition
Can heartbreak be described as an illness?

Illness (n): a state of bad health.
Yes.

All there is to do now is remember.
I almost ran off the cliff when I came to then end of this road
I almost lost my balance but I looked
Behind me and heard the rhythm of my heartbeat faintly and slowly in the distance,
I think I might have a chance of surviving,
Even if I have to go to sleep cold and crying.



whatever.
tiana.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

I read books, write poems, sing songs
I walk, I run, I speak,
Not that these things are insignificant
But I could breathe without them.

I lie, I shame, and I sin,
I curse, I blame, I disown
Though I know these things are wrong
They do not keep me from breathing

Summer’s haze looked right through me
And shivered at my winter cold heart
Asking how it was that I could continue
To inhale its sun rays and still be so iced
Over on the inside
Surprised at my ability to still be pumping blood

I responded and said,
I hurt, I cry, I melt
I fall, I spill, and I love
Though I have deep wounds
It does not keep me from breathing.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Before Sunset.



Celine: I was fine.. Until I read your fucking book! It stirred shit out from you, it reminded me how... genuinely romantic I was, how I had so much hope in things and... now it's like... I don't believe in anything that relates to love, I don't feel things for people anymore. In a way... I put all my romanticism into that one night and I was never able to feel all this again. Like... somehow this night took things away from me and... I expressed them to you and you took them with you! It made me feel cold, like if love wasn't for me!

Jesse: I... I don't believe that. I don't believe that.

Celine: You know what? Reality and love are almost contradictory for me. It's funny... Every single of my ex-es... they're now married! Men go out with me, we break up, and then they get married! And later they call me to thank me for teaching them what love is, and... that I taught them to care and respect women!

Jesse: I think I'm one of those guys.

Celine: You know, I want to kill them! Why didn't they ask me to marry them? I would have said "No", but at least they could have asked! But it's my fault, I know that it's my fault, because... I never felt it was the right man. Never! But what does it mean the right man? The love of your life? The concept is absurd, the idea that we can only be complete with another person is... EVIL! Right?

Jesse: Can I talk?

Celine: You know, I guess I've been heart broken too many times. And then I recovered. So now, you know, from the starts, I make no effort.


-honestly i've never related to anything so much. how beautiful is this scene? What she says in the beginning is exactly how I feel. Its everything Ive wanted to say captured in one scene. And then when she goes to touch him and then stops. *sigh* Everything about this is just amazing and the passion of his dream almost brings me to tears. All men should be like that.

love. Tianamonique.

Saturday, May 30, 2009

MIYM #11

As a child many of my worthless toys got
Broken, lost, and sometimes stolen
After kicking and screaming into my mothers arms
Almost begging for a second chance,
She would smile and gladly replace them
Now that I am older, I’ve had my heart broken,
Maybe lost, but more than likely stolen but
When I ran into my mothers arms
Kicking and screaming, and hardly breathing,
Demanding a second chance
She held my grown body and cried
Knowing that of all things she had replaced in my youth
My heart would be the most valuable item I will ever lose
Today, I try to avoid anything that can break
Because it’s the irreplaceable things
That leaves you feeling empty.

Love. Tianamonique.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

FREEWRITE 052809

I found a blank page in my notebook. I didn’t think I would. It seemed as though my words had leaked through each line; making it impossible to inscribe anymore love tributes. My notebooks heart seemed broken with all these melancholy words filling its blank spaces. Filling the gaps with rivers of tears but I happened to flip through one daring page, strong enough to hold my pens burdens. A full page ready to be devoured by heartbroken ink, I could feel the paper wince at the click of my wrists ready to spill all my sadness into its lips.

But instead of drowning this lonely page with poetic love woes, I will embroider these spaces with charming words that blossom from the seeds of my lovers smile. I will make the words dance in celebration of everlasting romance, because I’ve had enough with heartbreak and I’ve shed enough tears. I think this page deserves some happiness. Maybe even laughter if I can come up with the energy to engrave it because my heart is spinning out of control. Running wildly free, clinging to my loves thoughts and promising to never look back. On this page all the suffering no longer leaks through and the pain has been subdued. I do not wish to erase those memories though; those wounds are beginning to slowly heal. But still - I am entirely grateful that you can’t erase permanence.

Love. tianamonique.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Twisted Odyssey X Never Felt This Way.

We begin to write sonnets.
Recite Langston’s verses first then
Fall asleep under the eye’s of Nefertiti
Call all soldiers, I want
World war one to erupt in my
Diaphragm; ignite the French revolution
And shout c’est la vie down la rue!
Place abstract kisses down my back
Until Picasso’s paintings are subdued
In a sentimental mood
as Coltrane
Croons sweet tunes to a sun kissed moon.
Untangle the webbed memories that
Are buried deep in my past’s shoes
Let’s walk hand in hand along the Nile
Paint dimples onto Mona Lisa’s smile
All the while catching shooting stars
And placing them in piles to lie on as pillows
Emit light with your eyes and watch as the
Green glow bellows through our love song
As it plays low and your heart beat flows
Through mine, losing track of time on purpose
It always seems to stop when I find your lip’s surface
Promises inscribed on small papers and sent in coke bottles
Send balloons over the Atlantic with your name
Mottled with water color; you are a brilliant blank canvas
That even Van Gogh could not master
Let’s plaster our fingerprints upon
Alabaster sculptures in Egypt
We can write our sonnets there in lovely script
We could skip through barren cities and
Cry with the lost souls drowning in pity
Secretly smiling inside knowing
Your name is tagged on my heart like Brooklyn graffiti
I know that I’ve let your love run freely and
And though I miss you dearly..
I feel as though we’ve just begun healing,
But it still aches knowing you are no where near me
You don’t have to forgive me, but take my hand
And promise you’ll never leave me, wrap my
Heart in our history and carry on complete.
I know somehow we can do this..
Just love me modestly and we can pick up
Where we left off on this twisted odyssey.

love. tianamonique.
&+ I wont say but you know I do. And it's whats killing me.

oh and... here's like a two second singing vid. I was in the mood so here it is. its uber short I know. Sue me.

video

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Hermano Y Yo =]
















My mother is my new favorite photographer. =]

Shouts to the sister also.!!

btw: my brother goes waaaay harder than yours!

Monday, May 11, 2009

Selahomamen.

Dear god, even if you are nothing,
Hold me close tonight.
Keep my hands warm in the pockets
Of your embrace
Kiss me lightly
Kiss me like fools do in love
Take my soul the way the
Bible says you should
Leak prayers into me
The ones I’ve been to afraid
To say myself
You know them
I have not asked you for much
Maybe out of ignorance
But I need something to believe in
So I am calling on you,
Even if you are nothing,
Because I have to worked my heart
To hard and my eyes have splinters
My hands are heavy and my shoulders
Carry question marks with baggage
And I know there are those who
Have a greater belief that you can see through..
But whether you're Buddah, God, Or Allah, I need you.
And I will wait for eternity for your thread and needle
To sew me back together because this pain is lethal.
Purify my senses; bring me to the masses
I've been wounded; but I've done unexcuseable damage
Too much that my soul can't manage
Im all out of options; save me; I'm patient.
Selah; Om; Amen.

love.tianamonique.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Oh Hi =]


Last picture post but omgg I love em =] i've come to a point where im beginning to realize who and what is important and whats not. And these femmys [and camy duh] are the realness! Sooo.. that's basically it. Adios =]
tianamonique.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

*SIGH*


Ugh I need to get a new notebook. I had to write on blank printer paper today! Geesh =[
Anways; new pieces will be up momentarily ! Whoop!
Tianamonique.

Monday, May 4, 2009

Sex And The City =]





















Camy Brit Heather. Basically like my best friends and stuff =]

Friday, May 1, 2009

It Was A Harsh Reality.

I always watched him in amazement. Knowing his bulletproof eyes could possibly fill the empty spaces past lovers left behind. I waited impatiently to feel his silk skin say he loved me. I needed to hear him say it; even if it was untrue. I needed to hear that he needed me. Because evenings alone cast dark spells that green crescent moons always brightened so I hung on the side of his eyes letting his eyelashes sweep the doubt from my cheeks. I did not need him to convince me of my beauty but I was desperate to latch onto the words. Eager to let him half way into the past I had purposely shielded. He would often turn down the music so I could listen to his heartbeat. I longed for the drumbeat until he reassured me they were of the same melody. I never asked to be filled; but he spilled his lyrics into me anyways. Hardly leaving cracks in between my failed attempts to tell him to rewind because those words left bruises where scars had already claimed residency. I knew in the morning I would regret not pushing away his heavenly scent; but I could not fathom waking up alone knowing there was once a second presence in my lonely bed. He brought beauty with his strides and I suddenly felt blossomed. Like peace had finally found the trail back to my fingertips. Until he began to withdraw; taking my thoughts along with him. Others would scold me for letting such a decent man leave so suddenly. Family began to notice his bleek absence. Asking questions as to why he left leaving me with no explanation except I was blind and they would nod their heads in agreement. But they do not know that he could never leave me. His fingerprints are molded onto my cheekbones and his memory is tattooed on my lips. They do not know that his presence still lingers and I am often ill because of it. Without fail he always returns and says that I am beautiful. And I pretend not to cling onto those words, knowing the exact number of hours that had passed and still my name was never raised. Knowing that I had spent countless minutes enduring the separation that painfully caused conflict between my desperation to be loved and my common sense. He compares me to sweet mangoes and claims they are beautiful too, but could never surpass mine. He compares me to warm rose pedals and rainfall, and says they are beautiful but could never surpass mine. He says that silence and doves are beautiful too, but they could never surpass mine. He says she is beautiful; but her beauty could never surpass mine. He kisses me and then leaves [again]. I am grown and breathing but the child inside of me does not feel beautiful.

Love. Tianamonique.

**sorry its so long. =]

Saturday, April 25, 2009

The Well That Went Dry.

I had needs yes;
Ignored the obvious
Thinking I would shy away
From the thirst that violenty
Crept up the arch in my back
You chose to overlook
My desperation to be caressed
By your essense.
I must have lost you at the stop sign
When your eyes blinked green
So you left and I stayed
Stranded without any reassurance
That you would return whole.
I knew eventually you would make a sharp turn
To come back; but evidentally you ran
Into complicated detours
That led you astray
To another woman's core
Memories replayed constantly
Your voice was difficult to drone
Prone to dial tones; I found a home
In the arms of lonliness that
You never seemed to notice.
Sank deeper into my new residence;
Wishing you would ask for my address in hopes
Of a familiar visit.
But you would never come for me to comfort me.
You never even looked back to see
That you had comepletely rearranged my entire existense
So the music continued to play; but I was singing in accapella
Our soundtrack, suddently composed of sharps and flats
Continued to spin without a scratch
I carried on without mentioning
How unfamiliar your voice was
And how it was effecting me
How I had forgotten the shape
Of your eyes and how your
Sharp words were slowly disecting me
Neglecting me and my needs
My pleads went overlooked
Booked a thousand broken flights
Back to my unfinished memories
Unable to forget the promises
You injected into me.
These are the truths that I
Was trying to run away from.
Intoxicated my heart till my soul was numb
How does one overcome the gapped bridges
You so poorly built upon my tounge?
I suppose I never considered that
This wasn't going to go as perfectly
As I had sketched.
"I don't really draw anways" is my pathetic excuse
For keeping my heart outstreched.
I can no longer hold this love
It's become to complex; I packed it in a box.
It should be waiting on your doorstep.

Love. Tianamonique

*Some things are written because it feels good to write. And that is all it is meant to be.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Melt In Ya Mouf #9

Time ran out quickly.
I had barely begun to count the seconds
Before the clocked stopped.
The sidewalks curled up
And the moon went blank
Even the wind couldn’t breathe
There will be no more moonlit walks
Around false dreams.

Love. Tianamonique.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Hustle Hustle Real Hard--*

I chose words as my escape.
And I’m sure those with
Melodic tongues can relate.
Sing to penetrate rhythmic minds
Mean demeanor but my words
Sandpaper away the brick walls
I have chosen a softer route
Where hatred has been left
In a pile of dirt on the side of the road
I was beginning to light to many fires
And the burden of the flames were too
Heavy for my weak shoulders
So I have mustered enough courage to
Admit I have been using words as weapons
But I am surrendering them to you now.
Instead I will turn these bullets into roses
Because we all have a past even if you try to dispose it
Scream it!
In paint; in dance; in words; in rhymes;
In photos and stories; there no time to rewind
This is the way we move forward and the way we speak
Moving through rhythms of our heartbeats
My mind is tired and my soul is weak
And I know that these are only words
But they are mine
And I will claim them, and then frame them; my divine.
This scripture is more alive than any heartbeat could ever prove.
There has been heart/ache and misuse
But it was me who had to chose
To give my voice a chance and let the past be my muse
It was the truth inside of me that I wanted to blame
Played hide and go seek with my feelings;
Couldn't find shit when I hid my own name.
With that I'm finding my way; using these words to manifest the struggle

I chose poetry to soften my hustle.

+ Shouts to miss rissa over at cupcakes to soften yo hustle; her concept is dope. And the necklaces are effing adorable! =]

*I think we all got a lil somethin that adds some sweetness to life when it starts to go sour.

+++WORD TO MY ARTSY FRIENDS.. OWWWEEOOWWEEOOO =].. too much badu. lol

Love. Tianamonique.

Monday, April 20, 2009

Family Looovee =]


My best friends. No joke. I'd be uterly lost without my brother and sister.
*That tis all.

Friday, April 17, 2009

My First Love Poem--*

Je vous aime
My love, I adore thee.
Your sunshine blares in clear view
And I am honored to dance in its embrace.
If I was a clever girl, I would find a way
To bottle your smile and drink you
Till I was overflowing with joy
I would paint your reflection upon
The clouds so I could walk [shamelessly] in your shadow
I would place your scent on my eyelashes
So ever time I blinked; pieces of you
Would trickle down to my nose
And I could breathe in you
Darling; how lucky I am to have laid in your presence
To have held your delicateness
To have carried your fragile burdens
Te quierro
I have loved you in languages unknown
I admit that I have been swept from the ground
And into a blank heaven
You wrote the lyrics
Then recited your way back into my thoughts
And maybe I am a fool for following your
Lexis, but I am helpless in your presence
And I have become unusually comfortable with that.
L’amo
Sometimes it does not seem like
There are enough hours in a day for me to say
That your smile is equivalent to diamonds
And if I had the immense power to permanently
Rearrange the alphabet
I would gladly begin it with F
For the fulfillment you have
Given to my mere existence
I may come off as resistant only because
I am insecure and remain un-convinced that I am worthy
Of your brilliance
You are superior to all forms of beauty, my love.
My adored; how it saddens me that there are no words that
Could faithfully depict my gratitude for
Your company
Vous êtes beau
I love without reserve and I am well aware of the consequences
This state of mind can bring
But those chances are mine to take
Those words are for me to sing
It is my heart to break
And although I could never imagine of finding
The appropriate words to describe my vast adoration for you dear;
It is comforting to know that I could say it in all languages,
And would still mean the same.


--Wasnt sure if I was going to post this; but I Kiesha Cole'd it and changed my mind =]

Love. Tianamonique.

Monday, April 13, 2009

Feelin Real Gray Today.--*

"I may appear to be free
But I'm just a prisoner of your love
I may seem alright and smile when you leave
But my smiles are just a front
I play it off but I'm dreamin of you
I'll keep my cool but I'm fiendin

I try to say goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near ."
--Macy Gray.

Deff in my top 10 favv songs of all time.
Wht happened to this chick anyways??

"I blow bubbles when you are here..." =]

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Melt In Ya Mouf #8

While walking past a mirror,
I saw your sweet reflection.
I ran and hugged you until the glass
s h a t t e r e d
Into my arms.
Your memory bled down to my fingertips.
I tend to kiss the scars when I begin to forget
Your smile.

Love. Tianamonique.

Monday, April 6, 2009

Open Keys--*

I’ve become elastic.
Stretching myself to every possible
Open key, yet my fingers are bruised
From getting caught in between locked doors
I never meant to cause conflict
But I somehow forgot how to numb the pain
So I have returned with open wounds
And expired bandages
Crying out for a cure to heal
These undeserved damages
The ones they left me stranded with
Those cruel open keys that promised
Me eternity
They read books but left the stories untold
Burned amethyst scars onto my palms
They forget to tell me how to read my own soul
Gained control because I was to naïve to believe
They would misguide me; those keys were thieves.
Stealing every pure part of me
I followed their trails with my eyes closed

And since I never really had a destination
A map was never needed; weeded through the roses
Like the thorns ain't left me bleedin.

I pleaded for hours for a key to unleash me.
Release me from the burdens that reflected
Onto my cheekbones every time I passed a mirror.
I never once cried.
But I fell everytime.
I was locked behind bars without commiting a crime.
A prisoner of a love that I could never find.
Believe me; I tried.
Tried to forget the memories that kept my hands tied
In heavy chains
But the truth always remain in clear view; so again
I am here.
Waiting for a cure.
My heart is sore
Im insecure.
And it is your open key that has me locked in so heavily
That if the door was open, I'm not sure
If I have the strength to walk
A W A Y.

Love.Tianamonique.

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Melt In Ya Mouf #7

I went to write a poem yesterday
But my pen had run out of ink
I then proceeded to
Strategically rip out my heart and
Placed it on a piece of paper.

It was the greatest poem i've ever written.

Love. Tianamonique.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Simplistic Complexities--*

It was simple then, wasn’t it?
Fires have never been extinguished so quickly
And when your fingertips met my eyelids
The sudden movement caused earthquakes in my knees
You danced sweetly as we became musically
Inclined to each others mind
Never "Lament Over Love"
You spun me on your pointer finger
Till your laughter became a blur

Simplistically speaking, simplicity was peaking
Leaking simple stanza’s to make poetry look easy

The words rested freely, and I twisted them around
My dark hair strands, I wrote you [in pen] on blank pages
And you had several faces
But when it came time to fall in love
I couldn’t even erase it.

For me, love has always been prettier on paper
The permanence of the ink laced through
Thick veins of thoughts that never got named
Which, is probably the reason why love in
Reality never fails to taper.

I’ve become smitten by characters I’ve written
To the point that I’ve begun to compare my true love
To those I’ve created and sadly get upset
When his metaphors don’t get me elated

So an apology is belated I suppose; I’ve composed
To many love sonnets and my infatuation with romance
Has led me to no where
Alone, I stand cold with nothing to show but a few
Poems and maybe a couple verses
Straddling the idea that love can be drawn
From a hat full of abstract words, slowing putting them
Together to create the perfect ending
Rearranging them to make it sound better,
I’ve managed to fall in love with words instead of him.

Possibly trying to change him into the poems I wrote secretly
Hoping that the perfect lines can somehow transcribe themselves
Onto his tongue, so when he speaks I can hear the love
I slaved over for almost 2 full moons.

-Sigh-

I was truly hoping to rant about simplicity in this scribe
But this has indeed turned into another tale about
My desperation to be adored; nothing less nothing more
Again, failing at my mission to leave
Passion in my notebooks and carry on without it
Wishing I could have stuck with simplicity instead
Of demanding complexity
It is what I have become accustomed to.
Comfortably numb to the harsh jabs at my heart strings
I was never the muse.
Used to being refused of the love I so passionately wrote about.

But, I blame myself for the heartache, for I gave my heart away
The first time I read Hughes, Bishop, and Dickenson
So in all honestly it really should be surprising that I am slightly
Disappointed when it comes to love
Because Im used to being embellished by artists who shape my existence
I now know that you will never compare to, “Jukebox Love Song”, and
It is unfair of me to expect you to recite something so sweet into me
As my Langston once did.

It was simple then, wasn’t it?
There was no heartbreak in reading a good poem and
That was enough to keep me content.

*huge THANK YOU to those who took the time to read this piece. =]

Love. Tianamonique.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Melt In Ya Mouf #6

I was feeling real pretty today.
Makeup was applied to perfection and I let my
Hair blow in the wind carelessly
My skirt twirled beautifully beneath my knees
And I swear I felt the sun kiss my neck
Then I heard your name dissolve in a strangers mouth
And as I attempted to swallow the thought,
I choked and realized feeling pretty doesn’t matter
When you’re not whole.

Love.Tianamonique.

*There is a melt ya mouf #5... but I'm keeping it to myself. =]
I swear I know how to count I swear!!

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Just Sangin [Ordinary People]. :)

Cuz I don't really have a life ++ I was feelin a lil down n whatnot "/
Sooooo here's singing blog numero dos.

Please disregard my crazy hair!! smh its always a mess when I make videos geesh.

BARE WIT ME!
ENJOY.

video

maybe you'll stay...maybe you'll leave... maybe you'll return.


love. tianamonique.

BTW: TO THOSE THAT FOLLOW; YALL ARE AWESOME =]

Monday, March 16, 2009

Because.

I have said too much.
Though I should probably keep this to myself
I’ve let my foolish words crawl into the hands
Of someone unworthy so they have become worthless
Muting their meaning
Wishing I would’ve kept quiet,
Instead I flaunted my feelings
Exploiting my wounds despite
The salt poured into them daily
But I have begun to run out of metaphors
To cover up whom I meant this for

You claim I've said too much.
But it was you who never said enough

tianamonique.

Friday, March 13, 2009

Friday Night Groovin--*

Who doesn’t love a dope melody?
Infatuated with moody blues,
Penetrating smoke risen jazz
Swirled up into melodic hues
Snap fingers, stomp feet,
Clap hands, whistles through teeth
The music is more than skin deep
Bob heads and close eyes
Go back to poetic rhymes
When dreams were kept is clenched fists
Hip hop bliss kept hearts alive
R&B masterminds took over spotlights
And green lights were constant
Flaunted the purity that once laced the streets
Pop- locked and lip-locked
Fell in love with the beat
Speak the secrets they keep
Weaving through the massive traps
They let seep through the cracks of
Dirt grazed sidewalks, get blazed when night falls
And let the melody consume you till
The boss calls to home and you’re still
Spinning on the dome,
Don’t get blasted when the bass gets blown
We’re reclaiming our own, taking what was
Ours to begin with, digging up the roots with
Shovels made of pure music.
Calling all muses to join hands and fuse this
Back together to complete the cipher
We’ve worked to hard to lose this.
This here is a movement, hit it hard like pavement
And wash away the current,
We’re headed back to the mouth of hip hop’s ocean
Going back to the birthplace; the earths face
Let the truth surface.
Grabbing her by the wrists, taking no prisoners
For her sake.
Fall back, sit back, and let the
Resurrection take place.

"While you rhyme about being hardcore, be heart-core. What is it we do art for?"--Saul Williams.
=]

Love. Tianamonique.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

The Ninth Letter.

Eye never knew such beauty
Wrapped in dark lace, how smooth was your voice
Eye felt the movement when we coll[eye]ded,
You looked deep into me and told me eye
Had been bl[eye]nded
Bloodshot to the core, in you eye conf[eye]ded.
You captured me in ways that eye was unaware of
Pupils d[eye]ilated, you penetrated voices through
Blank verses that eye read with braile.
Trails of rose pedals led me to your heartbeat
Crossing my fingers hoping eye found the
Right rhythm to your m[eye]nd.
And eye could picture you without hearing your voice
I wrote with invisible ink by choice
You've never had to see m[eye] words to feel them.
Feel me?
Eye felt you; even when my heart was closed,
Eye felt you close; almost overdosed on your lyrics.
You unt[eye]d the knotted sheet that blindfolded me
Disabled me to see, and though I lived in darkness
For a lifet[eye]me,

Eye have never seen anyone so beautiful.

Love. Tianamonique.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

OMG HAPPY BDAY COUSIN =]


Dang, where do I even start with this fool. haha Been through it all with you and have waaaaaay too many memories. Almost had to throw some fists, but you know at the end of the day it's nothing but love. Somethin like my other half and I'm thankful you're in my life. *silent dooooppee* Yu already know I love you to deaff and I hope ur 20th bday is spectac!! =D Luh you dawg!!


Insiderssssss :
-Public Speaking -- "CAN I GET A FUCKING CLOUD PLEASE"
[Still don't know how we passed that class.]
--Our "almost" two fights at school. lmao.
--"heard you got tattoos on your knees. dark circles. DOOOPE"
--Lame saturday nights. pshh.
--Intoxication. Nuff said lol
--Our "mens" that we been thru!
[happy we finally got some uhm.. decent ones haha yes decent]
--tattoooos
--"JAQUUUAAN!!!!" LMAO.
--the curlies. with the curlies.
--fat skinny girls whoop whoooop
--EH EH NOT THIS ONE
--"byyyyyeee" giggle giggle "ok bye =]" lmao
--Why did I get married.
BOOM
"SO GET ME SOME CALUDA AND MILK.. I'M TIRED AS HELL"
--New friends or what...?! hahahhaha
*uhm it goes on and on but bottom line have thee bestest birfday EVAA.
You already know we gna get it poppin when I gets back
++ Greyson better be UBER nice to you all effin day.
haha
LOVE YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU!
btw: ur bday is in tres minutos. ew ur getting hella old bruh. TWENTY?!
haha
"go be with ur twentyyyy -blink blink-" lmao.
ok longest post ever or what?!
OMG ONE MINUTE DUDE.
=]
IM FINNA CALL YU RIIIIIII NOW
HAPPY BDAAAAAY FOO!!!!!! =D

Sunday, March 1, 2009

She Sings Too =]

Uhm soooo yah. Broken Hearted Girl... Beyonce. LOL.

Bored at home whoop whoopp

=]


video

=]

love.tianamonique.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

If We Met Again In Spring--*














I was thinking
Maybe we could talk.
Sit on a wooden bench somewhere
And talk
About anything
If you have time
Start with something simple
Like the weather
Cuz there is a gentle breeze
That flows through your eyelashes
That reminds of me ripe strawberries and apple trees
Birds are singing in perfect tune and the sky is a pretty blue
[If that interests you]
There is something holy about spring
Maybe it’s the way the flowers bloom
I tend to talk too much, so feel free to interrupt
But I am engaged in your sweet smile and the
Way your kiwi eye’s light up
The sun must have been jealous
Never been to fond of love,
But this weather is impressive
And if I could be so suggestive
Could you kiss me on my collar bone?
Lauryn said it was the sweetest thing she’d ever known
And I’d like a taste of my own.
Did you know that your words glow?
You match this season perfectly
And I’m in awe of how well your hand still fits inside mine
And your mind is genius and I’d like to keep
Pieces of you in my pockets to kiss when
The winds hit my blushed cheeks.
Lust speaks whenever you pour out with laughter,
I’m sure you’ve heard of happily ever after
And I’m really not looking for one.
But I want a happily ever now, because after will be too late
So it would be great if you could just hold me
And maybe whisper sweet something’s into my ear
[Who wants to hear nothings?]
Because I am broken and you are the closest
Thing to glue that I can find, and I don’t expect you
To get it right the first time, but I would love to see you try
Than to remain in my broken state wondering if
Your spring could have raised me back to life.
Your summer gave birth to me once, so I was just hoping
That with winter gone and all, we could sneak to that place
When you uttered the most beautiful of words to me at
5:43 in the morning when the sun was becoming vibrant
And you continuously said “I dig you”.
Revived and alive,
I sang in your summer.
Yes, your spirit made me sing!
And now I’d like to sprang in your spring.
Jump with colors you painted along my bridges
I was just thinking.
If we could just talk..
Maybe spring would listen.

EYE.ELL.YOU.
--tictac.

OH HELLO SPRING.
=]

Monday, February 23, 2009

SOUFSIDE/MILL AVE EEK. =]

Ok so sunday we had a lil girls day. went over to thee soufside to get the nails did and had a HEATED convo bout rihanna and chris brown in the shop ooweee. Then headed over to PF CHANGS! oh yes that won ton soup is to die for =] anywhoo post is dedicated my lovess!

We so damn RECKLESS!
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Nails Did Propa. Mines be the long black ones whoop whoop =]

Just so hood. Soo hood.

JUST WOW. when zoomed in ; our faces are PRICELESSSSS. =]
Me ans Brit got maddd hops.. Camy? Not so much lmao.

No type of balance geesh

It said chase so we had to lmao.

Friday, February 20, 2009

FREEWRITE 2/20/09

I am running so I don't feel as lost.
Running.
Into whirlwinds and mountains
Lands where
God rests his hands somewhere
Shoulders do not touch here.
I am running deeper and harder
Faster than my feet can carry
I am not as light as I though I was
And my heart is heavy with burdens
Running
To forget that I was once
Still.
I am unmoved by these events
And though I could shed a thousand
Tears, my cheeks remain dry
And the desert surrounds my eyes
I can see the wind blowing
I can taste the memories
Floating gently around my fingertips.
I want to remember this moment
Catching my breath
Pause.
Continue.
My life line is not long enough on my palms and it's unfair
So I am running to savor these moments
Stretching my soul across plains
And valley's
And islands.
Hugging the world with both arms.
Running
Running
Running
Till I see that these moutains
Are not as still as I thought they were.

love.tianamonique.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

One Sorry To Go Please--*

How much does your apology cost?
I may not be made of riches,
But I would spend an embarrassingly
Immense amount to hear that the seeds of your sincerity
Are beginning to take root
An apology that breaks down barriers to open seas
One that changes the rotation in which
The world spins
I would work over time for a month to
Hear your heart explode
Though sorry comes from in between your lips often
The clouds are laughing at you
Amused by the ignorance in which you speak
For sorry means nothing to the skies
It evaporates quickly sending feather like
Molecules into its ears, and then bursts with laughter
And you expect me to take you seriously?
The heavens are booming at your existence
How meaningless is the word sorry!
I’d work the graveyard shift
Walk with bags under my dark eyes
Sleep for 3 hours at a time
And make monthly payments; your apology is costly
But I’d rather be exhausted than hear
Some bullshit sorry that you came up with
When you thought of how dreadful life would be
If you lost me

I no longer want your sorry.
So if you have one prepared
I am not interested.
This routine is becoming old
And my feet hurt from dancing around
These insignificant lies
You keep deep in your pockets
Convenient for when you get tongue tied.
I want a permanent apology.
Not a temporary sorry.
One that lasts for more than ten minutes please.
I would pawn the lovely ring you embellished on my
Finger just to come up with enough funds to hear
Your heart bleed
Please do not return to me with excuses as to why you left
I don’t want to read that letter.
I don’t want one of your rehearsed speeches,
I have learned your
Lyrics by heart
I could recite them with my eyes closed and eloquently
Give me one of those impromptu skits that flow from the corners of your eyes.
Show me how your heart is almost as iced over as mine
Give it to me when I don’t need it, so I can nurture it until I do.
Give me my money’s worth.
I’ve always had expensive taste, so the price of your
Apology is the least of my worries.
I work hard for what I deserve, and I am quite
Certain a sincere apology has been well earned.
For all the verbal abuse I’ve endured and the
Deceit that you poured into small vases
The flowers have wilted.
For the guilt trip you tried to make work.
Yes, I deserve that apology.
But I have maxxed out my visa’s and
Apparently you don’t take checks.
My wallet is empty and work is hard to find.
So I am carefully packing my luggage and leaving
Your …

Sorry behind.

love.tianamonique.

**sry so long haha. i go from extremes huh? itty bittys to massive!

Monday, February 16, 2009

Melt In Ya Mouf #4

He
Purposely
Stole your soul
Without consequence
Which incidentally
Led to the death
Of you common sense
Degraded yourself
When his methods
Became too complex
Over powered your mind set
So you had to settle for less
And babygirl

You ain't been the same ever since.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"love ain't supposed to hurt, i'm tired of seein you cry. don't wna see you cry no more. just wanna see you smile".

love.tianamonique.

--REAL piece in the workss lol sorry for these lil tid bits of my thoughts.. =]***

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Now I'm Hott They ALL On Meh--*

Went to the Cuddy Buddy Party for Valentines Day w/ Mike Jones. Woo.
Met with some old/new friends which is always good.
Squashed some beef and danced the night away.
Almost had to regulate ;; but she knew better.
BTW: Az is packed with celebs right now. pft. If only I was 21... hmph.
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Our take on valentines day;; blah and eff it. =] whoop.

Valentines day waah?? EH EH. "I hate fat girls and dark girls. I can't fuck wit em. I'm too bomb."-- Li Li.
Whooop!
Thee Better Half.
Word.
The Vday Crew.
Whoop.


"BACK THEN THEY DIDN'T WANT MEH ;; NOW IM HOTT HOES ALL ON ME"
--YES.. I Was Singing Along. Mmmhmmm.

Welp this was my oh so lovely valentines day/night. Disappointing to say the least but eh.

++ He said nada bout that blog down there.. smh. *sigh* "/

love.tianamonique.

Friday, February 13, 2009

Dear Husband,

Remembering the jolt of happy hips
Placed against cold walls,
Unlocking bolts with your sweetest key
Allowing you to invade the quietest part of me
And I miss breathing into you.
Writing love sonnets onto to fogged windows
Continuously running into infatuation
The headaches rang till dawn and
I remember dancing into sunlight
With you holding my waist gently
Placing short wisps of ecstasy onto my neck
Savoring the moments
When I couldn’t make out the perfect words
To say I love you because you were too brilliant
For any cliché love proposals


Many have touched and left. But love, your fingerprints,
Are the only ones that still remain injected in these veins
Mimicking sculptures, we made artistic poses while dancing to
The rhythm of our heart beats
To the realm where our art meets
We wrote prose’s on blank bed sheets;
And I believe in the spirit that possesses you
Which, is why I trust that every sound you make is religious


Still, your envious envisions make my ordinary words sing!

Cutting harmonious incisions to make my soul ring
Keeping similes close to scream when your name
Is too distant for me to catch
Pay no attention to the parallel lines I perfectly etched
And please forgive me for speaking to fast, but your love
Comes and goes so quickly, my thoughts can’t seem to grasp
And I collapse in your embrace and gasp when you invade the
Space in-between my heavens.


And though miles are spread vastly between us ;
I love and miss you dearly.











112 degrees.
Missing you on valentines day love "/.
I wish you were here.
Love always,
Tiana Monique Langston.