Friday, October 31, 2008

Lord Of The Flies!--*

Before heading out to our halloween festivities... BARBIE & THE AWESOMEST Baseball player ever had to handle some business... Great Bambino Got Hit In The [EFFIN] Face while lil Miss Barbie went all psycho for a fly. LMAO!! Classic Ish..




Define She--*

Penny For Your Thoughts--*
"...Then I awoke and dug
That I dreamed natural dreams,
Of being a natural woman,
Doing what a woman does when she's natural
I would have a revolution" Nikki Giovani

Define she.
She meaning me?
Cuz I was she, now she means her.
You prefer her over me,
So maybe she is the she of whom you speak.
I long to be she, but she was who I was
When you was him.
The lights are dim.
Fading the old her into darkness
As your new she becomes vibrant.
I am dead, and she is lively.
But she treats the he that you've become
Like you aint new.
But you are the sun, love.
I know this.
And if her deferred,
We could have
The he and she
That we used be.
So define she for me, please.
She meaning past or present?
Am I the she you wished never happened?
I see you settleing for a lesser she, and as sad as it is,
It eases my mind knowing she will never compare to me.
Knowing the place of she can't be replaced by she.
Define SHE.
When you hear she, who's name comes to the core?
Does she make your skin crawl like I did before she was washed upshore?
When your head craddles the thought of she, who's face do you see?
I used to be so confident in holding my title of she,
Now doubts shape around your mouth when you say
The word, and I heard she call's you her's,
Which makes her your she.
But depending on the context in which you use it, I could be she.
"She's still here" -- Me.
"She still cares"--Me.
"She a rider yo"--Me.
"She's choosing and proving, but im abusing and using SHE.. Man im gna lose her because of SHE"--ME.

So think long and hard,
Bout which she holds your heart.
I was there from the start, love.
We had to part, love.
But I know if we could chose to paint our love in the sky
We could be the truest art, love.

So define she.
Understand the she that your willing to lose and the she you're fighting for.
Cuz this she is tired of coming second to your "other" she.
This she almost ready give up and leave.


Monday, October 27, 2008

Taste Of Your Name [Short & Sweet]--*

So bittersweet as I slur out each letter letting it drip out of the sides of my mouth.
Gliding it along my lips, your name comes in liquid form and quenches my thiRst.
First welcoming a freshness that I have been longing for
Splashing each letter between my teeth,
Hitting the insides of my cheeks.
I have been craving your name
Long before I could speak.
Waiting for the taste I have been so curious about,
You go well with mY mouth.

Your carAmel falls beneath my waist allowing me to embrace each taste.
Your name filling the up and down of me, taking deep breaths to keep my saNity,
Your name devours me.
Kissing each letter, stroking eAch curve of your word,
You give my taste buds a sensation of passion and i'm only half done.
YouR name is hung on the roof of my mouth ready to be sung, and when your naMe meets my tounge... uh huh.

Its almost like I was born to say it,
Born to clAim it, and you my love, fit perfectly.
Your nAme easily swims in the deep end of me.

Your name.
Your name.

Your name is the reason I close my eyes at night,
The reasoN I can't sit still in class,
The reason my mind wanders to places unknown,
The reason why I can't love another,
The reason why my sweetest muscle aches when your not around.

Attempting to grip onto somethIng, your name comes through me
Moaning at the exhilarating feeling your name gives me.
Eye's closed and head back, I am taking all of you in, letting every piece of you fall into me.

The taste of your name soothes me, from the bottom of my feet, to
My last strand of hair.
I drank your name dry and when I finished I sighed,
Whispering your sweet name to myself,
Praying that I never forget how it felt.
Watching your name melt all the way down my stomache,
Your aftertaste leaves me

So pleasured and weak, my jaw's lock at the mere thought of your name once again returning to my deserving mouth,
Waiting to be seduced my the contents of your name.


A change in pace from my previous pieces. And it feels good. Almost as good as his name.


Sunday, October 26, 2008

I Know You--*

Penny For Your Thoughts--*

"There's a force in you, my loose emotions flock toward yearning to cling because my hearts unstable and you appear rock solid" Kweenofsanity. =]
I know you.
At least I knew you.
Your memory lies so fragrant on my wrists.
I can remember the scent of your smile and the
Taste of your walk has been locked inside of me and
I can no longer find the key.

I know you.
Your dark eyes are so familiar
Yet you are so distant and the space between
Remembering you and knowing you is filling with
The regrets I wish to confess.
I am a mess ; life and love colided.
Im feeling absentminded.
I despise the emtiness you left in the back of my eyes.

I know you.
At least I thought I did.
And as you walk by I can feel your hands shake as they did the first time you held me.
Vaguely your laughter echoes through me as you try to prove to me
How deep you really are.
How far your thoughts can go, but

Maybe not the whole you, but the most of you and
When i'm close to you I can feel the heaviness of the sweet air that you take in
Sliding down the bottom of my chin
Your soul swims from within and our sin lay so alert and known.
I would be a shame to claim ignorance in this.

I know you.
Well, I knew you.
I had your song memorized cuz you lyrics left me mesmorized and I could hardly survive the first verse.
So I rehearsed in solitude and then presented the song in front of you as an ode to you.
Trying to un-code the lyrics of you, I sang till my throat bled, blood shot red came through my eyes as the tears fled from behind.

You were my song, and I sang you in perfect tune.

And your memory haunts the in of me as I dream.
The memory has fallen under the stars that we would sit and count aimlessly.
I can no longer hold you for your ashes slip through my weakened fingers when
I attempt to grasp a piece of you.

I know you.
Maybe not the you that you've become,
But I know the you that you were once.
Down to every scar, I can picture the whole of you that I once knew so well.
Now, I claim you in past tense.
Fenced inside the picture I want to keep of you.
The image I have seeked of you.

I will always know you.
But the man I see, is a somehow a stranger to me.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008



"Don't you hate when someone puts you into a box of bad perception and you have to define your way out?" Opera Kitty.


Somehow the words are getting caught in the middle of my thoat,
Unable to speak on whats real, how my lungs feel so fractured and
A bruised heart beats away the purple and blue veins, hit with his backhand.

Somehow the words are forming but they cannot complete themselves
And refuse to spell themselves out when the tears fall and my mouth opens
So ready to speak, so eager to meet the ears of true listeners, but my words have
Become shy.

Sudden stage fright, to afraid of not being accepted.
Afraid of nothing being heard. They believe they don't matter.

So colorless and lifeless are the words that used to rest easy on the tip of my tounge.
They are hiding being my molars, to find them you'll have to dig deeper.

There will be no more sunshine. no more highlighted words. no more colors to bring out the meanings. black and white.

I can feel them building up inside me ready to explode,
But the baggage is to heavy of a load.
They forgot what they had to say, so they creep back into their comfort zones.
Tucked away where nobody can hear as they whisper how they are bleeding.
Cut to the very core, you ignored them.
You tore them. You could not implore them.

Explore them.

Lips pursed so sight, they couldn't get out if they wanted.
But they are not knocking for an answer.
Door bell remains silent ; they are not looking for a way out.
But inside im shouting, each word in caps and bolded ; played it straight, now they're folded over one another claiming to be unable to breathe, but they're are the ones who chose to live inside me.

Now they refuse to speak.

Spirits broken from a heartache to ill to be spoken.

My words are going on strike. They do not ask. They do not plea. They flee.
Unappreciated is their extenuation for leaving me even though they know they are all I have left.

I hope they return soon. Till then.. Im M U T E.

Sunday, October 19, 2008


[Why does Beyonce make it sound so easy? Gosh.]

Somebody please tell me how to do this whole "single" thing cuz so far I suck at it...


Saturday, October 18, 2008

The Art Of Healing, Bumble Bees, And The Magnitude Of Life.--*


Penny For Your Thoughts--*

"Elegant and strong, her body blooms each day, like roses, ever blooming, with thorns to protect her from the bees only wanting her for her nectar" chilled2dmax.

ah he's a beautiful soul.
enjoy loves.

-------------------- -------------
My smile flashes with a new passion for the life I have regained.
My once strained strides have become longer and
My heart has become stronger.
My head feels heavier has it lays upon
My proud and outstreched neck.


Prided by the knowledge that I am priceless.
My brown eyes shine deeper with the understanding that
I am invicible.
My brightened cheeks have been refreshed by the sunken waters of
My past.
And the salty tears that lay upon frozen rocks are being washed away by
My ocean.
Healing the wounds with my own hands.

Did this.

We created this immense and powerful woman.
This outspoken flower.
This ever humming bumble bee.
The queen of the hive, I strive for perfection
Attempt to provide protective for the ones I love most and I keep the rest

My laughter is bursting through the chains of past burdens.
The rise of my high cheek bones when I smile are of my mothers doing,
And I am so proud to carry her glow.

For once I am realizing I don't need another to complete me.
I've been complete this entire time.
The invisibility of a man defining my better half is

The pace I walk in now is called "light".
The spirit I possess is called "free".
My eyelashes sweep the doubt from the the top of my eyelids as I realize it will be
I am willing to take risks, and the memory of slit wrists are vague and irrelevant now.
I am a woman.
And to be called anything otherwise is bad fiction yo.
Simplicity is where my heart is telling me go.
I did not know the snow of this expierence would chill a nerve deeper
Than I could fathom.
Imagine... love in its prime.

and to think... it took finding my lost gucci glasses shining on the top a bucket of dark sunglasses in a forever 21 store to realize the magintude and the amazement of life.


All Mah Love.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Oldie But Goodie.--*

Penny For Your Thoughts--*
"Hope Is Revolutionary Patience" Brittany Barfield.


He and Me.
We bee constantly and consistenly
He Bee keeping

Me happy like the day
We fell in love.
He bee
Teaching Me New Things,
And Sayiing Them Sweet Things,
To make Me Think Things
Maybe this is an epiphany.
He leaves me,
Gasping for air to breathe in he
Cuz everyday he shows me how to love thee.
I need thee more than greatly
And Lately
His kisses end less faintly and
Quite frankly I'd rather bee
Fainting so he could wake me with his presense
Cuz his scent is heaven sent and I've
Been blessed by his sense
And My life would be dense with
Less of HIM in it.
My minutes Hours and days,
He's my enough, my more than, my sweet ways, my sun's rays
My truth stays
Embedded in his benediction, call me heathen
Cuz he's my jesus cuz he give me this spirtual solace.
He is flawless and unscathed as if he was made from trained skies
Cuz he fly's past my expections and
"Im Juss Lucky",
is his extenuation for this incomprehensible view of perfection.
Im in a vortex of complex words and text yet im content with
Really what I meant was,
Im so content with idea of being idyll that
I'd file away my past mistakes to make room for
My man, my enough,my more than, my has been, my will be,
To have thee wrapped in me like lace,
Trace your hand onto to mine and never erase it,
Never replace it cuz I could never make this
With another lover.

Yooh have a certain power over me
That I have no control over.
Im a less than senseless with you but its ok
Cuz you have a certain way with me that changes me
everday and in everyway I love you for it.

I love you for being true.

I love you for being you.

I juss love you.



Oh the [mains.]

How they complete me so.


No Mistress--*

*Penny For Your Thoughts--
"The Minute You Settle For Less Is When Yu Get Less Of What You Settled For"

Like the old days.
Sneaking into motels at dawn.
Keep secrets hidden underneath
Stale sheets.
Wearing black shades to cover our sinning eyes, disguise these lies.

We stay quiet.

Dont get it twisted ; no mistress.
Juss a woman to afraid of distance.

So I give in every time your hand
Slides down the middle of my back,
Casting the spell you've used over and over.
Immune to the venemous kiss you place on the small of my neck.
You know exactly what you are doing
Trying to love her but
you love me.

bottomline. period.point blank.

But we can do this, love.
This run around
Cat -- mouse
Chasing down the memories we've tried to forget.

But don't miss me too much when im long gone.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

The Reality [QUICK THOUGHT]--*

I saw you standing in a pool of blue diamonds.
You looked so blissful & complete.
You were hanging on the side of my smile when I felt you
Creep inside me and quietly and slowly,
Burst through my soul.
Hugging me inside out.
I could hear you, the quivering voice that haunts me, whispering
You adore me as much as you did when we first met.
And you were "sorry".
I tasted you.
Salt pouring out of the sides of your mouth,
You calmed my deepest oceans.
You LOVED me.
I was so warm in your embrace and your face was so familiar.
And when I woke up tears were streaming down my pale cheeks,
My body shivered,
And at that very moment

& when I see you again... I will love you better than I ever have.

Monday, October 13, 2008

The Secret Life Of Bees [BOOK]--*



Such a simple word.

Yet as complex as the text is,

We say it so easily.


Our excuse when it we can't find a simple way out.


It's not supposed to make sense.
This constant pain, this frequent loss of breath.
I am running out of things to be sad about.

Now what will be complicated?

Since nothing in life is simple, I need some complexity to make myself feel


To Feel H U M A N.


Creating dramatic scenes, making up sarcastic themes, wishing I could have more


..but no ; its complicated.

everything down to my relationships, to my nail color, to my jeans size, to my life lies, to my up and down moods, my cell phone, to my wanting to be alone but not wanting to be lonely, my voice, my wieght, to my love, to my fate.


I think i'll keep it this way until I can find a better excuse and I can very simply say,



Ok so today I began reading The Secret Life of Bees... 5 STARS! Oh so beautifully written. Its a must read. Hopefully the movie doesnt disappoint cuz this is probably one of the best books i've read in a long time! Anywho.. Pls read before seeing the movie. I promise it wont let you down. =]

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Tru Tales [Mr. Ed]--*

Penny For Your Thoughts*

Grey : "I Swear I've Seen Her Somewhere!"

Brit : "Yah... IN THE STABLES!"

[Me and Camillie Weak In the Corner.. Vision It]

In the most profound way

Quite simply I wish you would


Maybe silently fall off the face of the earth, but somehow


I will keep this




I really don't have much to say but to be quite honest,

You're like a disease.

I am trying to sound as intellegent as possible when I say

You are probably worth nothing less than a penny

given to you by a homeless man.

[[Im juss sayin]]

I will keep this as civil as possible,

But I despise you.

You are my shadow,



Left Over,


And Yu Will Never Compare.



--Let me take this time out to say that if you believe this applies to you than it most likely does.

If not, no worries mk?

Anywho.. Last night.. Sushi with the mains [mother included] and kicked it at RA. YUM.

Went to Camillie's casa and watched as brittany slowly became a party pooper and crashed on the couch. Me and Camille took it upon ourselves to stay entertained and headed to a 12:20am movie.


Headed home and vented with girls... also getting the brother Greyson's male aspect on a certain situation [Kudos]. Finally went to sleep at around 3:30 and was up at 6:45 [Thanks to brittany stroking my arm oh so gently] heading off to work.

Tonight... Who knows. =] I need sleep...

Anywho.. shout outs to the roomies.. BRIT AND CAMILLIE! Seriously would die without yu freaks.

All Mah Love.

Thursday, October 9, 2008

ENGLISH 101--*

--Penny For Your Thoughs **

"What Can I Say, He Lied To Me. Im Used To It. I Am A Woman" Professor Abigail Marie Fiataroni

Observations For English 101.

-- So in class today we had to write an observation. Something detailed but simple. But me being the scholar I am wrote this ish. gosh. =] Enjoy.


Midday, on a thursday in the beginning of October, yet the sun shines as bright as it did in
Mid June.The wind tastes sweet as winter approaches and the leaves fall quietly before reaching
SolidGround. Freshly cut, green grass mark the territory of footprints leading to the pathway of the cafe.

Multiple students sit, with no conversations, [silently] trying to focus on an object to feel less than alone. Ipods holding a sense of isolation, a warning to those trying to approach. They are to busy to listen to you. 5 students sitting at 5 different tables.

What does this mean?

The rocker chick which the pink hair sitting at one table, with her legs up and a "idontcarewhatyouthinkaboutme" attitude. Nose ring poking out and ipod turned on blast. If you listen hard enough you can hear a faint melody of a beatles song. She's probably eclectic.

The afrocentric chick ; happens to be a new friend. Christina. New york swag, and a crazy afro that seems that it has not been combed in a few years. Attempting homework, her eyes, decorated with purple eyeshadow, wander about the courtyard. Her gold accesories, and name plated necklace shine brighter than in a dull classroom.

The preppy chick with the long pony tail ; looking like a lost puppy. Possibly wishing her "BFF" would join so she would feel so alone. Hollister shirt boasting, she sits, looking like she's waiting for something.

The mentally challenged kid in the corner ; such a sad sight. So alone and so unaware of the frequent stares he recieves from the passerbys. Hes probably genius.

The goody goody; graphing calculater ready, math book opened, and glasses pushed all the way back. She's gorgeous. A hidden beauty with a brain. & she sits alone..

I wonder what would happen if they all sat together. Hmm a whole new observation.

All mah love.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Heaven Is Blossoming--*

My beliefs are being turned into stone

And my heart is iced over


With the scent of summer you left behind.

Your Spring,Winter, And Fall

Trail behind you with baggage to heavy to lift.

So you left them alone with the memory

P E N D I N G.

Departed with them and fell down a trail

Marked with black mascara.

I am deserting my religion in you.

My prayers are becoming wants instead of needs,

Dreams instead of miracles and my

Belief in any type of god is detering.

It is becoming harder for me to believe in something I cant see.

And what I do see is,

Suicidal heart breaks, and careless mistakes.

Abused and bruised women ; love is deteriating.

I B E L I E V E in this.

I can see this.

I can trust that it will always remain.

And I know that I am challenging an entire world of religion when I say,


Leaving me in a state of constant exhaustion,

Leaving me with heavy eyes and lightweight cries.

My god is in disguise.

AND I KNOW.. it is so much easier to say everything happens for a reason,

Some easy shit to say,

But this season was unexpected.

The resurrection of my soul

Is being directed and controlled by

An infected choir, and these hymns can't heal me.

In the deepest hollows of the emptiness in my sancuary ,

Heaven is blossoming.

Impatiently waiting for my arrival.

The women who stood before me with melted hearts and

Memories to last them another lifetime.

Green eyes keep me grounded as I walk up the god who said he would set me free.

Let go of the bondage of previous disappointments and shed me of my


I am willing to put my faith to rest in your chest because us women

Only desire to be loved.

We make you our gods because we simply LOVE YOU.

Placing you on the highest of pedestals.

But dont you ever forget,


& deserve nothing less than a god to show us the truth,
and love us when our heavens are in full bloom.


*Camillie Inspired.
--cuz we're goddesses.. they juss ain't realized it yet.

all mah love.

Monday, October 6, 2008

Thoughts For The Night --*

Feeling Low And High At The Same Time.
Caressing My Mind With Thoughts Of
Midnight Hues And Sweet Rhymes In June
I Now Realize What I Had To Lose.
But I Chose To Fuse Together The
Pieces You Left Misused.

Tonight ; I Sing The Blues.


25 Minutes Left To Vote... Time Is T I C K I N G.

All Mah Love.

Lemme Break The Ice.

I've Been Saying I Was Gna Post My Pieces For The Longest So Here It Goes. Letting Yu Into Mah Brain.. Invade It If Yu Please.



I don’t want to change.
Change comes with responsibility.
Responsibility I don’t want heavy on my shoulders.
The world bears to much burden.
And right now my world is in perfect rotation.
My nails are done and my jeans fit perfectly.
I don’t want to change.
I am content and my love loves me.
But this is not about love.

This is about c h a n g e,
And I know that change brought me to this change
But the transition between the changes
Changed me.

You will return because everything comes back.
And I will be waiting.
I can wait cuz when change comes
My heart will sink along with the promises unkept
And the houses left empty
And the beds left heavy with scents of other women.

When the change comes fingers will tremble
Doors will remain unlocked ; [secrets exposed]
And the lies you told
Will be no surprise.
You will find me in complete solitude and
Nude ; bearing my purest of forms.

When change comes.
You will return.
And I will scream till my tears become ice
And the sun will melt away my words
And you will forget to listen when the
The sun shines perfectly upon my verbs

I don’t want to change.

My world is in perfect rotation.
My playlist is a perfect blend
And there are no relation/ships to defend
I can cry with pride.

But when change comes, my arms will flee
Like a 2 year olds around your neck
Embracing every memory kept hidden
Under the fallen numbers.

When change comes
You will again be the center of my world
Everything comes back.


But this is not about love,
Juss like war’s are not about peace,
They are for power.
So in that sense this is not about love.
This is about change.

I change I can’t and will conform to.
Change I can’t strand against.
Change I refuse to make.
Change that I need.
Instead I cut my hair and
Paint my fingernails and
And rearrange my room.
And clean my mirrors.
Instead I write...
And I write
And I write!

I change the little things to make up for what I cannot.
When change comes,
I will forget how to be me
And I will reform to bad habits and live within comfort zones.
When change comes, I’ll return home.
To my center, my core, my universe.

When change comes my blue jeans with fade and I will need a full set and polish.