They said they would let me go for good behavior.
Said I've endured the worst and it was almost over.
So I got to inhale sweet breezes.
And break through the stone my cheeks were in and
Form a somewhat decent smile.
I was free.
They untied me.
And I thought I deserved it.
Deserved star lit skies, and
Sun beamed mornings and nights filled with gold.
I deserved ruby slippers and yellow brick roads.
I put on my pretty dress, slid the straps
Over my heavy shoulders.
I painted my nails.
A pretty lilac color.
Reminded me of Minnesota summers
And my great grandmother.
I applied my makeup, slowly.
Filling in every line.
I was a queen.
Crowned myself with good intentions
And I overruled their evil one's.
I screamed in the happiest voice I've ever known.
Released the linked chains they
Kept on my ankles.
I was no longer their prisoner
And it was a celebration.
I placed pretty curls in my hair
And let the wind blow through the strands
Untied my hands and bent my fingers,
Dusted the dirt off my palms with a smile
They told me I was beautiful.
This coming from those who had made
Me feel internally ugly for months.
This coming from men who forgot our history.
This coming from women who once
Despised my name.
This coming from the one's I blamed
For my misfortune.
I've been trapped inside my own head.
The tears were bled;
Red and cold; I had become only skin and bone.
But now, there is a familiar warmth
A reminiscent glow from a place
I place I thought had disappeared.
The fear they placed in my eyes
Will never fade,
And neither will the scars that they placed on name
But it would be a shame to waste a day
Thinking I didn't deserve a say in my own happiness.
So i'm writing my own fairytale.
Creating my own happily ever after
Instead of chasing men that will end in disaster .
All of these inconsistent happinesses
Broken promises
I've heard a lot of this
The darkness is only what the light looks like
When it's sleeping.
But it's my turn to wake up.
These sleeping eyelids are heavy
But i'm ready and willing
To be happy.
There are things people have taken from me.
Emotions, and memories combined.
But I have never been left empty handed.
What they think they have taken from me
Is only a small fragment of what I've stolen from them.
And it may take a while until they realize
What is really missing; and it won't be me,
It will be their common sense.
For thinking they could keep in cages,
The thought enrages me
I'm now living dangerously.
Taking chances and forgetting about the past
It's a beautiful moment to see.
You could have loved me.
But you chose not to, and that is okay.
Because although your rejection was brutal
I know it wasn't truthful.
Lying to yourself to make you believe you don't need me.
And I hope for your sake you do not,
Because i'm leaving.
After months of putting myself through hell,
And being locked in that horrible darkness,
The sun is slowly making it's way back to me.
I'm putting my melancholy mask on the shelf.
And for the first time in my life, i'd like to make a toast
To my damn self.
CHEERS !
Love, Tianamonique.
