But Im Not Laughing.
Im feeling a little under the weather today...
Thanks to a little bit of heart ache and some crazy
He will never understand the infinite love I had/have for him.
It happens between walking to the door and opening it.
The letting in part
The vulnerability that swims within each silent gesture
It falls among the part where we forget our father’s words
Claiming no man will love us more
It kills the most alive part of us
It is the swelling of tears that
Aches while we sleep
The moments of doubt that keeps our hands
In our pockets
It’s the misunderstanding part
The “it’s all my fault” part
The hoping and the praying
It is the staying part
Soaking our cheeks with black trails
Of unforgotten promises
The seconds, minutes, and hours of
Somehow losing a pieces of ourselves along the way
The walking dead, with half a heart to spare
To share with someone who has misplaced
Feeling un-pretty and washed down by a man,
Who claimed power as love.
It happens at 3 am
When you lose your breath for no reason
Because thinking of a love lost
Is so much easier than dealing with the pain it cost
It’s when you think you forgot
Then realize its 112 degrees outside
And you fall all the way back in
Killing time the way time killed us
We bruise easily
The women deprived of truth
The goddesses whose crowns
Have been shunned
Falling in love backwards
Honesty coming up short
And this is what sadness looks like on paper.
The little girl inside was dying
And I thought that he could save her
The brave her that I used to be
Suddenly to afraid to take chances
It happens when you lose your keys
The beginning of an endless cycle of
Its when our knees turn blue from
Crawling back to be misused
Abusing the idea of being in love so hard
That we don’t recognize when it is
It is then when you realize
Love is so much bigger than us.
--tianamonique. && I won't say it but you know I do.
The Good Engine
4 days ago