A Bad Habit--*

Im always that tough one.

The petite chick with advice like

"Fuck niggas ; you don't need him anyways."

Yes, small frame but my talk is mean.

And I got a stuborn streak inherited

From a generation of women

Who honestly didn't give a shit.

So

I

Lose.

The battle with myself when I say its ok to cry

Cuz I've strategically trained my eyes

To lock tears behind steel bars.

And

I

Chose.

To be a hard rock, ms. hill told me I was a gem,

I shoulda listened then.

Cuz now my heart stays iced over

Cold, Bitter, AND unapologetic.

When disrespect presents itself, 

Emotions ; disabled.

Then

I

Fuse

Together the pieces broken with pride and glue.

I'm that chick.

The one with clenched fists

And tight grips,

The loud voice and quiet atmosphere.

My heart lives in solitude 

And

I

Refuse

To be unhappy.

But sometimes I just wanna be

Vulnerable.

--tianamonique.